Austin American-Statesman

Sunday, June 3

Paper doesn't know frijoles about Tex-Mex

By John Kelso
American-Statesman Staff
Sunday, June 3, 2001

Y ou know the real problem with the Bush gals getting ticketed for trying to buy drinks?

It's got the Washington freaking Post, of all publications, critiquing Austin's Mexican food. What do people in Washington know about Mexican food? Nada, that's what. A self-respecting South Texas javelina wouldn't even sniff the best Mexican food in Washington if it were dropped on the ground.

But here it is in a story by Washington Post staff writer Ann Gerhart, about the incident involving Jenna and Barbara Bush on Tuesday night at Chuy's, a Mexican food joint on Barton Springs Road.

Gerhart writes that the Bush daughters "were at Chuy's in south Austin, a joint known for mediocre food and killer margaritas."

Somebody in Washington is calling our Tex-Mex grub mediocre? I called Gerhart to find out where she was getting her information. She said several of her colleagues "who have dined in Chuy's" had given her "unanimous reviews of killer margaritas and mediocre food."

"Maybe they have East Coast sensibilities, and that might be unfair," she added. If you've got East Coast sensibilities, review the clams, but shut up about the Mexican food.

I'm supposed to take Tex-Mex tips from a publication that doesn't have enough sense to capitalize the S in South Austin? The Washington Post is full of empanadas up to its ears.

Every time I want to learn a little something about Mexican food, I go right to one of the Yankee newspapers and read the food section. That would be like going to Yemen to go bass fishing.

The good news about these insults from afar is that it gives me a chance to expense-account lunch. On Thursday at Chuy's, I had the ground sirloin enchiladas with green chili sauce and charro beans. The enchiladas and beans were both worthy of the coveted PDG rating -- pretty darned good. Besides, Chuy's brings you your silverware wrapped in little paper bags that have the message "Sanitized for Your Protection" on the front, the mark of a fine dining establishment.

When I was visiting Washington before Bush's inauguration, I ate at a Mexican food restaurant called the Austin Grill. By Texas standards, it was bland. Worse still, the Austin Grill brags online about its "gluten-free menu."

I don't want to sound completely stupid, but what's a gluten? I didn't know Mexican food had glutens in it. I mean, I've eaten at Matt's El Rancho, La Fuentes, Chuy's, Cisco's, La Reyna, El Mercado and countless other Mexican food places in this town, and never once has the waiter asked me, "Hey, Kelso, do you want the gluten-free fajitas?" But if he had, I would have said, "No, but how about a side order of free-range tamales, you moron."

Check out this item from the Austin Grill's bulk carry-out menu: "The Big Eats" includes, among other things, fajitas, Caesar salad and a brownie. Caesar salad? What's that doing in there with the fajitas? I didn't know Caesar conquered Laredo. And don't these clowns realize that the dessert that comes with Mexican food is supposed to be flan?

If I see any Brownies in a Mexican food restaurant, they better be wearing uniforms.

John Kelso's humor column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. He can be reached at 445-3606 or at jkelso@statesman.com.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2001