1. Thou shalt love thy Board with all thy heart and all thy bytes.

2. Thou shalt remember thy name and thy password.

3. Thou shalt speaketh to the SysOp thy real name.

4. Thou shalt not POST IN ALL CAPS!

5. Thou shalt Honor thy Sysop and thy Moderators, for as thee were brought unto the Board from them, so might yee be taken from the Board if thou invite their wrath.

6. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's password, nor thy neighbor's real name, computer, software, nor any other thing of thy neighbor's.

7. Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning, lest thee be deemed a troll.

8. Thou shalt use the English language properly so that thee may be deemed wise.

9. Thou shalt spell thy words correctly. Amen.

10. Thou shalt help other users so that thee may be deemed a friend.

11. Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism.

12. Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself lest thee be forever banished, unless thou art Carl.

13. Thou shalt not occupy thy Board with thine arguments, for Verily, I say unto thee that thou shalt maketh thyself the charlatan.

14. Woe be unto the user who attempteth to crash thy Board, for such shall be cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 mega-days and 40 mega-nights of penance in AOL chatrooms.

15. Thou shalt not post other user's real names.

16. Thou shalt not post messages after imbibing excessively of ale or other spirits.

17. Thou shalt confine thy messages to those of friendship, requests for assistance, aid to the needy, advice, and advancement of thy hobby; yea, and thou art obligated to repel any who wouldst transgresseth upon these commandments.

18. If thou doth promise to reply to a message and thou doth not, then surely thou shalt spill liquid into thy keyboard and shorteth out thy central processing unit.

19. Thou shalt not giveth any false information when applying for membership to thy Board, for Verily it is Written that whosoever shall do so will surely be found out and thy welcome on all Boards will be thus be denied forever and ever.

20. Thou shalt not upload "worm" or "trojan" or "virus-ed" programs. Amen and Amen, for to do so wilt bringeth foul curses upon thee and thine, thy children, and thy children's children yea unto the 7th generation. So shalt it be.

21. Thou shalt not ask stupid questions that art already fully explained in Board bulletins and instructions.

22. Thou shalt not exchangeth commercial software thru thy Board.

23. Thou shalt not violate any applicable state/federal/local laws and regulations affecting Board telecommunications, or thee will face the wrath of thy judicial system, and thy Sysop.

-- Anonymous, May 31, 2001

Answers

Excellent, Carl, excellent! Wasn't there also supposed to be one about Thou shalt not commit idolatries? Or maybe that was Thou shalt not commit adulterate? Something like that. You know what I mean.

-- Anonymous, May 31, 2001

"Thou shalt have no other Board but me..." seemed a bit too demanding. I believe adultery is covered under Thou shalt not covet ...... nor any other thing of thy neighbor's., after the more important stuff had been specifically listed....

-- Anonymous, May 31, 2001

16. Thou shalt not post messages after imbibing excessively of ale or other spirits.

Well, we may as well close down, then.

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

Humm... maybe that one should be repealed quickly, ya think?

16. Thou shalt not post messages after imbibing excessively of ale or other spirits whilst thy Sysop is still sober.

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

24. Thou shalt not offer the services of thy powdery white butt.

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

ROTFLMAO! (Unpowdered!)

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

God Almight saw fit to keep the rules down to ten barely-manageable and short commandments. The only one of these that I can easily remember is that I'm not supposed to post drunk until Git starts posting drunk -- and how in hell can anyone tell any more??

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

I'm sorry, Helen, but your thinly veiled attempt to exempt yourself from Rule 24 won't fly!

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

Brooks, YOU just violated rule #17! So there!

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

Okay, but that Number 16 sure puts a crimp in my elbow. Can I get a hardship exemption?

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

Old Git's just going to have to drink more... :)

Actually, since at any given moment, at least 1 of the moderators is feeling no pain, it could be amended to Sysop and all thy Moderators are still sober.

Which should narrow it down to about 9:15 on Sunday mornings...

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

Old Git's just going to have to drink more... :)

So it is possible, you think?

Perhaps if I ate more hard-boiled egges to alkalyze the oxydol. . .

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

I do hope you "shared" this on other boards!

(SAR01...wiping tears from fits of giggles!)

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2001

I'm a little worried about those hard boiled eggs.

Just how many are you contemplating eating?????

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2001