We are having another epidemic of childhood drownings again this year and have already had one case of someone forgetting their very samll child was in the car, in the driveway, in the HOT afternoon sun for several hours.... While it tears my heart out everytime I hear of these, I never really *get angry* with the parents for letting these utterly preventable tragedies from happening because they have *suffered enough*... This is a great article that made me sit up and think.... Link

by Ed Montini

Suffer the little children . . . but not the adults

May 29, 2001

I checked with the governor's office last week to make sure May had not been declared "Kill Your Kids And Get Away With It Month." I was assured it had not.

Then again, there's no need to make it official. Killing your kids with no consequences has become a trend in Arizona. It's the "in" thing to do, as long as you follow the rules.

You can let the little ones drown if you like, which folks around here do with some regularity. And you can shoot them.

A week or so ago a 30-year-old man killed his 6-year-old son while attempting to clean a pistol.

According to police, the father chose to ignore a lease saying he wouldn't have a weapon in his apartment. He chose not to wait until his two children were out of the apartment or at least out of the line of fire before cleaning the gun. The little boy was shot in the stomach and died. His father is at home with the rest of his family. The police investigation isn't complete and already people are saying the dad should not be prosecuted because he has "suffered enough." This is the same get-out-of-jail free card used for parents who let their kids drown.

It's used as well for parents who leave weapons in places where small children can find them, killing themselves or someone else. Or maybe they don't kill anyone, as in the case of Sean Botkin, but only threaten to kill others. Again, the parents aren't prosecuted because they have "suffered enough."

Once or twice a year, some grown-up leaves a little one locked inside a car on the blazing griddle of a parking lot. Police believe it happened just last week. (It was between 107º and 112º last week) The young father of the dead boy was arrested, but his family is protesting. They say he was a good father. Others will come to his defense. The loss of a youngster is sufficient punishment, they'll say. In the end, the grieving parent may walk away free. It has happened in the past.

I'm wondering why we bothered to send the mother of those abused quadruplets to prison not long ago. I saw her in court and she seemed to feel pretty bad about what happened to her babies. And yet, hardly anyone said she "suffered enough." I suppose it's because her actions were deliberate while those who let their kids drown, shoot themselves or parboil in Pintos are unintentional.

Then again, did the parents of kids left to bake in cars not intend to reside in Arizona? Did the parents of drowned children not intend to buy houses with pools? Did the parents of children who get shot, or who shoot others, not intend to keep weapons in their houses?

I'd guess the mom who hurt her quads didn't intend to permanently injure the kids. But she did. And now she's in prison.

On the other hand, negligence with a pool or a weapon or car may not even warrant a slap on the wrist. No felony record. No community service. Nothing. We look at parents who make horrible mistakes and imagine ourselves in their position. We wouldn't want to be prosecuted. We wouldn't want a criminal record. We wouldn't want to be forced into a service project that might keep others from harming their children. We act as if it's all about us. It isn't.

Prosecuting negligent parents won't solve the problem. It won't prevent everyone else from being careless. It won't necessarily rehabilitate those who were negligent.

That's not why you do it. You do it because the kids have suffered enough.

-- Rob (celtic64@mindspring.com), May 29, 2001

Answers

I receive a lot of flak from sharing personal stories, Rob, and I doubt that this one will be an exception. However, your post reminds me of a time when I was maybe 19, visiting my oldest brother and his family in Houston, Texas.

My sister-in-law received a call from a neighbor telling her that her daughter was drowning in the backyard pool. I listened to her responses on the phone and ran out and pulled Marsha from the pool while she was still doing the "Really?" on the phone.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), May 29, 2001.

Thanks for sharing Anita.... All it takes is just a few seconds... and nowadays with cell phones, laptops, and such, the distractions are many.... The Phoenix Fire Department is playing a public service announcement that is an actual 9-1-1 call of a father that has just found his child floating face down in his pool, it is the most heart wrenching 30 seconds you'll live through, hopefully the horror you hear in that call will jolt some of these people with pools to go the extra 100 miles to prevent this from happening in their families.

-- Rob (celtic64@mindspring.com), May 30, 2001.

We have several children of our own and often have the children of friends with us. I can relate to being distracted for a few moments. Fatal accidents can be avoided with some rules as long as those rules are never deviated from.

In the summer the car windows are left rolled down. When it rains (rare in the summer here), we roll them up temporarily. The car doors are left locked. A small child can't get into the car without help from an older child. The older children are forbidden to enter the car for any reason without an adult. Because older children disobey, the emergency brake is always set every time we park the car. No one is ever left in the car in the summer, even if an errand is supposed to take only a few minutes. The temps in a car parked on asphalt can reach unbearable levels within two minutes, even if the windows are rolled down.

The wading pools are very small. An adult stays with the kids at all times. Portable phones erase the excuse for leaving for a phone call. If the adult has to leave, so do the kids.

We never back up a vehicle until we can see each and every child standing near the door of the house.

In spite of constant vigilance, my kids have still managed to have some non-fatal but scary accidents. It only takes a second for a kid to do something thoughtlessly.

I wanted to invent an alarm that beeps loudly whenever a weight sensor in all car seats detect weight while the engine is not running. I would place the "off" switch in a location in the back seat to force the driver to turn around and notice a child sleeping quietly in the back. My husband says that all inventions carry liability for the failure of the user to use it intelligently, so this invention probably won't come about.

I have an alarm for leaving my keys in the ignition, why not one for leaving my kid in the back seat?

-- helen (o@p.q), May 30, 2001.