We Have Come A Long Way!

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Folks:

If you remember, I do a lot of photography. Sort of a side project that I follow when I am home. I do some landscape but I am documenting the massive changes that are occurring in this rapidly growing area.

I drive the black roads [one step below Least Heat Moons blue highways]. Today, I found this rural cemetery. The earliest markers were placed when Jefferson was president. No one has been buried there since 1911. The marker at the front said there were Indians buried there and some organization indicated that this was a national Natives Peoples monument. All of this may be true, but many of the markers are so badly damaged by the ages, that it is difficult to read them. I liked it because I got this beautiful shot of an 1820 marker framed, in front of a new home down the hill. It must be 50,000 sq feet [the home that is].

The important thing is clear, if you wander about the cemetery, About 1/3 of the people buried there are children. Some as young as 1 month.

We have come a long way.

Best Wishes,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), May 27, 2001

Answers

Pic? Sounds interesting.

50,000 sq feet? How nouveau riche.

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), May 27, 2001.


Lars:

Yes it is an interesting subject. Unfortunately, what I had with me was a Nikon and a Leica M. If we get another clear day [not too common this year], I will take an 8 x 10 so I can increase the depth of field [makes great slides]. A very ornate marker [but very worn down]; I think that it is patterned after a Greek temple; there were some new rich here in 1820; evidently.

Best Wishes,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), May 27, 2001.


Z. if they are marble and covered in lichen, the best time to take pictures is just before dusk. The engravings jump out at you and are much more legible.

-- Marg (okay@cutaway.com), May 27, 2001.

Marg:

You are correct in my experience. Two difficult problems. We are a major producer of marble; but long after 1820. These things are limestone. Also, it faces to the east. No way to get the light without flash.

I want to get the house in the background into focus. You may have a point. Do it at dusk, using a couple of flashes on the monument [at grazing angles] and use the western sun to light the house. The 8x10 will give me the depth of field.

Good idea, thanks.

Best Wishes,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), May 27, 2001.


I learned through trial and error and yes, you still have to use the flash. I take stone pictures for genealogy research and it is difficult when the stones are weathered. Also, really worn stones aren't hurt by a paint brush dipped in ashes being brushed over the engraved areas. It washes off in the rain and actually helps the stone by neutralizing acid rain.

-- Marg (okay@cutaway.com), May 27, 2001.


Marge:

Good to talk to someone who knows what they are talking about. I have to leave town on Tuesday. But I think that I have time. It has been there for a couple of hundred years.

I was thinking of starting by using umbs. with 283's on the stone. I will test it with the Blad and the 40 FLE. If that works, I will set up with the Deardorff. To get the lighting correct I think that I must do it sometime before sunset. I need the correct lighting on the house. Sometimes this is a crap-shoot.

Your opinion would be of interest. This is a specialized subject.

Best Wishes,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), May 27, 2001.


Try using Ilford b&W for one roll, too. I like Black and white. For whatever reason the starkness of the subject along with the lack of color, gives it a depth that you can't get with color. I won't be much help with the techie stuff, as I said I've learned through trial and error. When you use the flash at dusk the carved areas of the engraving are illuminated at a significant contrast to the un-embellished areas. Good luck and post your photos if you can.

-- Marg (okay@cutaway.com), May 27, 2001.

Marg:

"Try using Ilford b&W for one roll, too. I like Black and white. For whatever reason the starkness of the subject along with the lack of color, gives it a depth that you can't get with color."

Yea, I like b&w, but for this picture I will need color. At 6 x 6 I will use Velvia. At 8 x 10 I will use what I have. If I back-up with b&w I will stick with Tri-X [because I know how to develop it to control tonal range].

By-the-by, if you want to get b&w images and are using a digital system, my experience is that Velvia [iso 50], scanned into Photoshop and changed to b&w, is as good as b&w film. Need to do more work though.

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), May 28, 2001.


Back to the original topic:

"About 1/3 of the people buried there are children. Some as young as 1 month. We have come a long way."

A few thoughts jump out at me. One is that we have accomplished a great thing. Children dying in infancy or youth has always been one of the great burdens of grief for all parents and we have lifted a large part of that burden (though not all of it).

The next thought is that we are charging wildly ahead into unknown territory. We are not just saving healthy, whole children from dying of childhood diseases and infections. We have also developed multi-million dollar technology for saving preemies younger and younger and for keeping disabled children alive but barely functional. Our hunger to save every child no matter the cost may take us to places we are not prepared to go and impose costs we may not be prepared to pay.

A child who lives but who can never function as an adult places a new and different burden on society than grief for a dead infant. It is a lifetime committment to a child's or infant's level of daily upkeep, but measured in decades. That would be OK, if our society were facing that committment square on and accepting it with full knowledge. But we prefer to approach the issue with mushy sentimentality and a blind eye.

And it isn't just the young. We seem to think that everyone, both young and old, should always be kept alive at all costs. That is stupid. And I am not talking about money here. Costs go way deeper than money. Sometimes prolonging life means nothing more than prolonging illness, pain and deprivation for the patient and prolonging the sacrifice and exhaustion of the caregivers.

As a society, we are very good at channeling the unwanted cost of our medical miracles toward rarely seen sinkholes. They become like rivers that flow into deserts and die in an alkali flat. The full bitterness concentrates where few people visit and even fewer speak about.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), May 29, 2001.


Back to the original topic:

"About 1/3 of the people buried there are children. Some as young as 1 month. We have come a long way."

A few thoughts jump out at me. One is that we have accomplished a great thing. Children dying in infancy or youth has always been one of the great burdens of grief for all parents and we have lifted a large part of that burden (though not all of it). Hurrah!

The next thought is that we are charging wildly ahead into unknown territory. We are not just saving healthy, whole children from dying of childhood diseases and infections. We have also developed multi-million dollar technology for saving preemies younger and younger and for keeping disabled children alive but barely functional. Our hunger to save every child no matter the cost may take us to places we are not prepared to go and impose costs we may not be prepared to pay.

A child who lives but who can never function as an adult places a new and different burden on society than grief for a dead infant. It is a lifetime committment to a child's or infant's level of daily upkeep, but measured in decades. That would be OK, if our society were facing that committment square on and accepting it with full knowledge. But we prefer to approach the issue with mushy sentimentality and a blind eye.

And it isn't just the young. We seem to think that everyone, both young and old, should always be kept alive at all costs. That is stupid. And I am not talking about money here. Costs go way deeper than money. Sometimes prolonging life means nothing more than prolonging illness, pain and deprivation for the patient and prolonging the sacrifice and exhaustion of the caregivers.

As a society, we are very good at channeling the unwanted cost of our medical miracles toward rarely seen sinkholes. They become like rivers that flow into deserts and die in an alkali flat. The full bitterness concentrates where few people visit and even fewer speak about.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), May 29, 2001.



Z: Sorry to follow LN off-thread, but he raises some interesting issues.

LN: I'm moving my mom from her current Assisted Living facility to another and I've been reviewing the forms involved. One of the forms states that a new law was passed by the last legislative session which requires every person residing in a long-term care facility in the State of Texas to have on file a directive to physicians and families. Ther's a "Do not resusitate form" or one can provide a copy of an existing directive, or a statement of non-participation.

There's also a Living Will - Declaration form, which begins with I, __________, willfully and voluntarily make known my desire that my dying not be artificially prolonged under the circumstances set forth below....

*I* don't know what to do with these forms. My mom will sign anything I put in front of her, but to suggest that she understands the consequences of any of this would be a HUGE leap. When my brother and sister-in-law first visited her, they saw her walking down the hall and said, "Where are you going?" She said, "I'm going to listen to the music." The three of them went to listen to the music and my sister-in-law finally suggested to my brother that my mom didn't know who they were. My brother whispered something to my mom about me and my mom said, "How do you know Anita?" He said, "Well, I'm her brother." Mom FINALLY caught on, and it's only been two years since she's seen that brother, but we're talking about people who can't remember what they had for lunch an hour afterwards here.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), May 29, 2001.


Anita, you can stipulate your own perameters in a living will. If she is otherwise healthy don't sign the DNR but, make stipulations such as...No respirator or intubation to be used in case of ___________. You can authorise the use of minimal intervention, such as antibiotics ,in case of infection, that left untreated, could lead to death. It is not a cut and dried document, and there are a lot of gray areas that can be confusing. Talk it over with your mom and family, and make it a decision that is made Only, if everyone is in agreement. That way, if anything adverse should happen, and she is not treated, there isn't one person going through the guilt of wondering if the right thing was done.

-- Marg (okay@cutaway.com), May 29, 2001.

Anita:

No, you are on thread; Marge and I got off thread. While I am doing more than cemeteries, I am amazed at the history you can learn there. About where we have come from. I found one that has a place set aside and contains a large number of children who died within months of each other near the end of WWI. One stone said the child died of flu; others have variations on the disease name. My guess is that they were victums of the flu epidemic. I haven't been able to find out why they were buried apart from everyone else.

I found this other one. The cemetery is fenced; but one grave is fenced off from the cemetery and all by itself. It is the grave of a 2 y old child. I found a 90 y old lady who had heard the story from her mother [this is from the turn of the century and not Y2K]. She said the child had died but his parents were traveling gypsies. Therefore he could not be buried in sacred ground and was fenced off from the rest of the cemetery. It was interesting that, until circa 1985, every year on the date of his death, someone would come at night and tie bright colored ribbons on the fence around his grave. They must have died.

These are little stories; but interesting just the same. I am leaving town so go back to the original subject which you and LN are actually exploring.

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), May 29, 2001.


Z, do you research genealogy at all? It sounds like you would enjoy it. There's lots of places on the web to get you started and I know that you would find out some amazing things...little coincidences that will make you ponder. (Sorry for the thread drift)

-- Marg (okay@cutaway.com), May 29, 2001.

Marg: Anita, you can stipulate your own perameters in a living will. If she is otherwise healthy don't sign the DNR but, make stipulations such as...No respirator or intubation to be used in case of ___________.

I wish I knew what to include in such a document, but I don't, and I can't afford to hire a lawyer to help me. The brother and sister-in- law who went with me to evaluate this place are the ones who had their son in a medically induced coma for 9 months after his dune- buggy accident. They've been through hard times on their own, and their son still lives with them.

When we finished our tour of the last facility on the list that accepted CCAD funding [since my mom's money has run out], we talked a bit about the differences between where my mom lives now and the new facility. Mary pointed out some of the negatives, like sharing a facility with mentally handicapped younger people and the deaf. I pointed out, in turn, that one cannot expect government-sponsored housing to live up to every expectation.

My mom's a gambler. I don't think she could survive in a facility that didn't offer Bingo. This place offers it two-three times a week. I also don't think she'd be happy in a place that made one share a kitchen/bathroom with another resident. She likes to make her own oatmeal in the morning, and I'd familiarized her with the workings of a microwave for coffee and oatmeal in the old place. The new place has an electric stove, so we'll need to get her a microwave, because I sure don't want to see her use a stove.

When we sat down with the administrator of the place, I said that I'd like mom to come there. Then I looked at my brother and my sister-in- law and said, "Did I speak prematurely? Do y'all agree with this?" They both chimed in with, "Well, she has the same space or even more space than where she currently lives. I have no objections."

My "family" has left all the decision-making to ME. It's kindof a sick situation, which I noticed when we went out to eat and I found myself telling the waiter what mom wanted when she was perfectly capable of telling him herself. I cut her steak, too. She just said, "I'm not going to cut it." and my instincts took over.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), May 30, 2001.



Anita, you can check on the web, they have sample living wills. I made mine out with stipulations that I wanted no invasive techniques. You can follow the basic document and make adjustments. Make sure that anything that is added to the basic is initialed specifically by your mom. If you are her power of attorney, you can sign for her, but, you have to make sure it is filed with the county clerk and the nursing home. (POA is filed)Some places require that 2 family members sign if the patient cannot understand or is incapable of signing. Sometimes nursing homes have someone at the facility to help with this kind of matter. Just make sure your family is in on the decision making (that includes your mother).Otherwise if something happens for the worse nobody can point fingers and blame out of misplaced grief. I'll try to find you a website that has info.

-- Marg (okay@cutaway.com), May 30, 2001.

http://easylegalforms.com/samples.htm

Here's one site and sample draft. Hope it helps.

-- Marg (okay@cutaway.com), May 30, 2001.


Thanks, Marg. I'll check out the site and even E-mail it to my brother for his input. My other brother is out of the loop. It's a long story and I have no intention of repeating it in its entirety, but that brother is the one who drove to Chicago from Mississippi to essentially clean out anything of value that my mom and dad had when I moved them to an Independent Living facility when my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. He didn't want to make the drive when my dad died. He hasn't visited my mom since I've moved her to Texas, could never toss in a few bucks to help her out, and downright refused to have her live anywhere near him. Heh. I want to say that the best part of him dripped down our mom's leg. Anyway, he can have all the misplaced grief he wants. It won't be sincere.

I'll talk to my mom about it, but she doesn't listen very well. I told her for years that she couldn't afford to keep sending checks to her grandchildren for birthdays, etc. She just never comprehended the thought that her money was running out. She still can't comprehend that thought. Her facility called me recently to say that she was trying to sell her jewelry. Yeah...like THAT would bring in the $2150/month required to keep her there.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), May 30, 2001.


Anita, I have been in a similar circumstance with my mom. It's tuff and I wouldn't want to go through it again. Good luck. Can the nurses let you know when she is having a real "good" day so you can talk to her? That's assuming that she has good days...

-- Marg (okay@cutaway.com), May 30, 2001.

Marg: I talk to her every day. I have her phone programmed so that she just hits "B" to call me. Jeez...I have to make arrangements with the phone company for this move also.

It's not like she has Alzheimer's Disease. She's just old, basically worn out, and her mind...well, ya know how we always kid about how someday we'll find out that our parents knew more than we thought they did? Heh. That never happened with my mom. My DAD was really bright, but my mom was always another story.

Anyway, I called my brother and he said not to sign the DNR form unless I receive clarification on what exactly is involved. It's not like we want to deprive her of temporary oxygen if she needs it. Regarding the living will, he and his wife have them. His opinion on mom's was the same as the one he used on his own. "Don't keep me on machines if I'm brain-dead or will never be able to function remotely normally."

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), May 30, 2001.


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