How dumb is your dog?

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Jeremy just pointed out that Doc couldn't even be the pool boy, because he can't swim.

Is your dog dumb? My dog is dumb. He's so dumb that he's not even fun to fool, because you just feel like a bully afterwards.

Tell me about your dumb old dog.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

Answers

The beagle we had when I was young use to race out into the yard after a rabbit, and would then follow the trail in the wrong direction. We suspected that the problem was her eyesight, but a minority opinion held that her brain was the size of a pinhead.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

We had a dog that was so dumb, you could get him to run after you in the yard. If you swerved around the tree, he wouldn't get it, and would crash right in to the tree. Endlessly.

Of course, owners can be dumb, too. We had another dog (standard poodle) that we thought was going blind---she used to catch tennis balls and golf balls every time, but was starting to have trouble. We took her to the vet, who gently pointed out that her hair was too long on top, and was falling in to her eyes. Blindness cured!

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


Okay, Susan, you win. That's hilarious.

Doc is so dumb that he won't walk through a door that's partially closed. He will whine until someone comes along to open it.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


Alex (Golden/Black lab mutt) used to play fetch the same way as Doc. I think getting people to chase you is the *real* game.

He was also genetically incapable of not chasing a tennis ball, even when he knew it was a trick. The fun game for us kids was to throw the ball down the stairs and watch the dog bump into the wall.

He was still the best dog ever though.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


Oh. My. God.

"What kind of dog are you again -- a Labrador Retarded? Jesus."

That's right up there with "your inner Loretta". I rarely laugh out loud, but I nearly fell out of my chair.

Glad to have you back, Beth. You were missed.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001



I had a boxer I used to play tag with. We'd run after him, smack him and then run away. Then he'd run after us, smack us and then run away. And so on, forever.

One summer we noticed he started bringing up little dead racoons to the back porch every night. We couldn't figure it out, he never killed racoons before.

One night we saw what was happening. He would be sleeping in the back yard and see a racoon. He'd run up to it, smack it and then run away. Then he'd stop, look over his shoulder and wonder why the racoons weren't chasing hem. These racoon were just little kid racoons and one boxer smack would break their little necks.

Our dog would walk back up to them, wondering why they weren't playing and finally care them gently to the back door, for us to take care of.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


Beth, do you have my dog? honestly, he does the door thing and the ball thing you talked about in today's entry.

We have a closet in the hall that holds the dog and cat for. If you forget to shut it when you get the food he'll just stand there. I swear he stood there for twenty minutes once just waiting instead of pushing the darn door.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


Tipper and Max were two of dogs of my childhood. Tipper was a rough little mixed breed something. Max was a big STUPID Irish setter.

Tipper was an escape artist. He chose us when he was a puppy. And even though Max was in the household first, when we finally faced up to the fact that Tipper chose us and stopped tediously returning him to his former owners, Tipper became head dog.

I remember going out to get rocks (BIG rocks) to block holes that Tipper had dug under the fence.

Tipper taught Max how to dig. Then he went one better: he taught Max how to dig a hole so that Tipper could get out. Then Max had to frantically enlarge the hole so he could crawl out and join his hero. Then they'd go gallivanting off together. We thought of this as Tipper taking Max for a walk.

One day, Tipper took Max out for a walk and decided not to return him.

(Realize that this story is family lore, and we spent huge sums of time, energy, and money trying to keep both off the street and bailing Tipper out of dog jail. But yes, Tipper had LOADS more personality than Max. Max was just a pretty face, some dopey eyes, and a sleek red coat. We think that someone fell in love with him, since animal control never reported a dog BODY matching his description.)

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


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