SHT - Masturbate-A-Thon

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Why I'll Masturbate on May 20 Lara Riscol, AlterNet May 8, 2001

On May 20 I'll masturbate as long as possible to raise money for the Feminist Women's Health Centers. Hubby's probably cringing as he reads this. He said he has to draw the line somewhere when I mentioned Toys in Babeland's third annual Masturbate-A-Thon. Surely he was picturing the "Come for a Cause" philanthropy to involve some whack room with a judge. But it's an honor system and you can sponsor me for every minute I play with myself on Masturbation Day in Masturbation May.

May, also, happens to be Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month. So while one group celebrates masturbation as a vital part of human sexuality, another group champions denial of sexuality before marriage as social policy. Despite recent declines, the U.S. still boldly leads developed nations in the highest rates of teen pregnancy, abortion and birth. Four out of ten girls become pregnant before age 20, almost 80 percent by accident.

On May 1, about 300 youth at a Louisiana convention pleaded for the end of an "immoral society" and trumpeted abstinence as the path. "God gave sex as something for married people and when we violate that, we violate the law of God," said the teen winner of an essay contest on why abstinence should be the choice for youth. The convention and essay were sponsored by the Governor's Program on Abstinence, which aims to establish abstinence-only in all 420 high schools throughout the state.

Conducting masturbation workshops since the early 70s, Betty Dodson sees the chastity movement as a frightening setback. "Before sex was never mentioned and sometimes that's not a bad thing. You can draw your own conclusions," Dr. Dodson said. "Now we hear sex is wrong, bad, shameful before marriage. How birth control always fails ... you'll die if you're gay. The most negative images possible. So you have sexual feelings, reach down and touch your own genitals and feel wrong and guilty because you should wait until you're married."

In 1994 before Congress voted to fund abstinence-only, President "oral sex isn't sex" Clinton fired Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders for answering a question on the spread of AIDS and the discussion of masturbation. She said, "As per your specific question in regard to masturbation, I think that is something that is a part of human sexuality and it's a part of something that perhaps should be taught. But we've not even taught children the very basics, and I feel that we have tried ignorance for a very long time, and it's time we try education."

On the 2000 campaign trail when a reporter asked about incorporating the discussion of masturbation into abstinence programs, now President Bush answered, "That's pathetic."

And girls are still taught that masturbation is pathetic; something only boys do, not good girls. Surveys show that 90 percent of men and 65 percent of women masturbate. I think the remaining 35 percent are liars, but given that the clitoris -- or female pleasure zone -- is still absent from high school biology textbooks, maybe not. Taught only of the vagina as the birth canal, and her sex as a bargaining chip to land a rich husband, or a record deal, many girls grow up to be non-orgasmic women suffering from the latest pop disease: "female sexual dysfunction."

As pharmaceutical companies race for the clit cure, state governments are busy banning sex paraphernalia that might stimulate that diagnosed bloodflow deficiency. Seven states make it harder to buy a sex toy than a gun. If an adult wants to purchase an intimate toy in Texas she must first sign a release form that says she understands that this vibrator, or dildo, is for strictly educational and/or scientific purposes only.

In Alabama, sex toys, or even ribbed condoms, can earn you a maximum of $10,000 fine and up to a year hard labor. A federal appeals court recently upheld this 1998 obscenity law, outlawing the sale of "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." The unanimous decision ruled that Alabama's "interest in public morality is a legitimate interest rationally served by the statute." No word yet on the morality of the FDA's $400 EROS clitoral pump or the culpability of medical doctors who prescribe it.

For Masturbation May, sex toy store Toys in Babeland wrote Top 10 Reasons to Masturbate aside from the obvious ITS MY *#@% BODY. On the list, which recognizes that many women become orgasmic through masturbation, is "you're not dependent on anyone else for your pleasure!" So is that the ultimate threat -- women's sexual pleasure independent of men and reproduction? If not, what exactly is? Because when it comes to sexual health and sound social policy, masturbation beats both abstinence and drugs hands down.

To sponsor Lara Riscol in the May 20 Masturbate-A-Thon, email your name, email, phone and amount per minute to sexaware@home.com.

Masterbate-A-Thon

I guess this is closed to women contestants only? Although, I suppose it is pretty obvious that a woman could beat a man hands-down in a contest such as this....

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001

Answers

" If an adult wants to purchase an intimate toy in Texas she must first sign a release form that says she understands that this vibrator, or dildo, is for strictly educational and/or scientific purposes only."

"In Alabama, sex toys, or even ribbed condoms, can earn you a maximum of $10,000 fine and up to a year hard labor. A federal appeals court recently upheld this 1998 obscenity law, outlawing the sale of 'any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.' The unanimous decision ruled that Alabama's 'interest in public morality is a legitimate interest rationally served by the statute.' No word yet on the morality of the FDA's $400 EROS clitoral pump or the culpability of medical doctors who prescribe it."

Good heavens, I had no idea. That's VERY silly.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001


They had such a problem with sexual aids abuse in Alabama that they had to pass a law against them?

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001

Do guys get in trouble for buying inflatable personages in Alabama?

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001

Did women pass laws against inflatable personages only to have it backfire into denial of ... er ... washable unbreakable personal appliances?

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001

*she understands that this vibrator, or dildo, is for strictly educational and/or scientific purposes only.

I'm laughing so hard that the tears are starting to roll down my face. Educational purposes . . . oh, oh, oh! I knew a rather strange professor who wanted to liven up her upper division tech writing class at one of the California colleges. At the beginning of the unit about technical description (where students typically write a spatial, chronological, functional and/or combined description of a mechanism, such as a ball point pen, flashlight, manual can opener) she brought in various sex toys and told them to write spatial/chrono/functional descriptions about them! I wonder if the best ones went into the Adam & Eve Catalogue.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001



Meemur,

You have it wrong dear. It is simply a home study course. ;)

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001


Sheeple, LOL! I'll keep that line in mind should I ever need to buy a vibrator in an area where they are banned. Geez! Wally World sells them. I think they're marketed as scalp massagers or something like that.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001

I have a "boy is my face red" story about buying a "vibrator". I was living in Jax. Fla, and was invited to a "raunch" surprise bridal shower. I was to pick up a "vibrator" for the lucky girl. I was just so embaressed, that finally my husband grabed it, strolled up to the counter and set it thereas he got out his wallet. I had my head down, cheeks red a ripe beets! (I Still blush easily) anyway when I ventured a tenative look around to see if anyone was "looking", I met a steel-grey gaze of some man who was standing there with his wife...he looked as "up-tight" as I was. I couldn't wait to get out of there!

we stopped and got a quick bite, and then went to sat. evening mass. I am waking back from communion...and who is staring strait into my eyes, but the very same guy that looked at me in the "toy" store! I about CHOKEd on the Euarist!

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001


Oh, SAR, it could only happen to you!!!

There are several shops in the French Quarter where such titillations are sold. Upon purchasing a vibrator and explaining it was for a bridal shower, the clerk replied, "I don't know how people find time to work with all the bridal showers going on in this city!" Wink, wink! Even I was seen to blush!

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001


Old Git and Saro1 blushing... now there's a sight :)

Surprised Firemouse hasn't jumped in here yet looking for sponsers...

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001



Only because I have a business meeting in another state that day, a six hour round-trip drive.

I had given that idea some thought, though. ;)

But thanks for reminding me, a cousin of mine is getting married and I need to pick up something for the shower. Though it would probably be just the KamaSutra oil sampler, the family are fairly conservative Christians.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001


hehehehehhe....another time, I bought "us" some "love oils" that would get hot as you blew on them....WELLLLLLLLLLLLL....just take it from me......... you don't want to GO THERE!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and NEVER use toothpaste for "games"!!!!!! heheheheheheh

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001


hehehehehhe....another time, I bought "us" some "love oils" that would get hot as you blew on them....WELLLLLLLLLLLLL....just take it from me......... you don't want to GO THERE!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and NEVER use "SINnimon "toothpaste for "games"!!!!!! heheheheheheh

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001


I got to ask... how would you use toothpaste?

Jeez, and I thought I was creative....

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001


Washable body paints work better than toothpaste! Heh-heh.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001


Hours before a blizzard was due to arrive this winter, I was standing in line at the supermarket with some last-minute purchases. In front of me were two young men with 25 canisters of whipped cream. Now THAT'S preps.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

“DEAR FRIENDS,

WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS BEING SAWED.

THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK.

BUT BY GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL THE GUY WHO PUT NOVACAINE IN THE VASELINE!”

we have so much for which to be thankful for our Puritan heritage.

women could beat us hands down, carl? GROAN

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


Firemouse,

If 2 guys are buying 25 canisters of whipped cream, they're probably going for the nitrous in the canisters, not the whipped cream

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


Old hippie, we kinda like for folks to use their familiar handles, even though it might not be as funny that way. When someone uses a strange handle, we have to check it out through the IP number.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

Old Hippie, it was the supermarket in Woodstock, so we've got the East Coast's highest per-capita proportion of tie-dyes. But one of the guys was wearing a t-shirt with an image of a woman in some sort of bondage gear, so Occam's Razor might suggest randy fun.

I needed to have some pelvic imaging done today, so they needed to use the dildeau-cam for the sonogram. It's such a hoot, as a photographer I think it's just wonderfully bizarre. I'm so used to looking at Mars satellite images, I kept seeing the images on the screen in that context. No signs of intelligent life in there, thank goodness. I don't want to have hyperdimensional ovaries.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


You mean you didn't have them hook it up so we could have Firemousecam???

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

If I couldn't recognize my cervix, you couldn't either. Where would be the fun of that? And I don't know any of you well enough to exhibit the erotic photos I once took of me and the stuffed Kermit the Frog.

However, I took the camera along to the beaver pond we visited on Mother's Day. Shall I post some beaver shots instead?

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001


Aw, hell, leave it to beaver!

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

Guess Catholics are officially barred from the competition....

Vatican comes out against pro-masturbation priest

A Vatican Cardinal has advised Catholics not to masturbate, after a lengthy study of a pro-masturbation priest's arguments.

Spanish reformist priest Marciano Vidal has criticised the church, saying no one has proved masturbation is immoral.

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger described the act as very bad indeed after the church conducted a three-year investigation.

The Cardinal has also condemned homosexual relationships, saying only two kinds of sexuality are allowed by the church: heterosexuality and chastity.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_294547.html?menu=

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2001


Chastity is not sexuality. 'Cause if you're into chastity, you're not supposed to even THINK about having sex. You have to keep NOT thinking about sex at every moment. If you even think about sex, you're not chaste any more, you're just not acting out your thoughts...yet.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2001

I think it depends on what "is" is. . .

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2001

huh????

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2001

Just emulating Clinton.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2001

Solo Sex and Human History

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2001

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