SanFranGate

Or how to train your cat to do more than warm the couch

Sophia Yin, D.V.M.

Sunday, May 13, 2001

As every kid knows, while America is a democracy, the American family is not. It's a dictatorship and even the youngest family members are savvy to the balance of power. One such youngster explained it to me recently, "In this house," he said, "the dogs are the lowest. The kids come next. The parents are above the kids. And the cats are on top."

Indeed, with 56 million cats in the United States, cats are at the top in more ways than one. In their insidious manner, they've quietly surpassed the dog as America's No. 1 pet. It's easy to see why. For one, they don't bark. This is a big bonus for your neighbors. They're also small, which is a plus for apartment dwellers. And perhaps their most alluring quality - they're independent. This lends them an aura of mystique.

In short, having a cat is like having a bit of the wild in your house. Well, in many cases maybe it's more like having a fat blob of something wild in your house. Because while their wild counterparts spend up to eight hours a day foraging and solving life's problems, for the typical house cat, every day is Sunday and the couch is his best friend. Forget foraging. If he yells loud enough, someone will deliver.

It's not that cats purposely fall into this rut. The wave of lethargy just sets in. But as second in command, you don't have to accept this as fact. You can release your cat's inner kitty in just three steps.

Step one: Provide interesting ways for the fur ball to get his food. Put his kibble in a treat ball that he has to roll around, or in a cardboard box with holes so that he has to bat the food out. [OG Note: Oh yeah, right, we've tried this. You end up with cat chow all over the house--it's hell on bare feet, ain't it, Mailman?]

Step two: Get interactive toys. They can be store-bought, such as the tracks with the moving stuffed mice or wands with feathers on the end, or they can be homemade, such as paper-bag tunnels and tinfoil balls. Just make sure you switch toys regularly or even the most intricate games will lose their luster. Try putting four toys out and then alternating with four different toys the following week. [OG Note: We have approximately $5,321 of educational cat toys. They prefer boxes from Costco and balled-up crinkly wrappers.]

Step three: Train the cat to do some tricks. Really. [OG Note: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]

You're probably thinking "My cat's not smart enough. This is only for abnormally smart cats." But intelligence is not the issue. As a trainer once said about dolphins - the epitome of braininess - "There are smart dolphins and dumb dolphins. It's not the smartest who learns the fastest, it's the one who likes to eat the most." The same goes for cats. As long as your kitty likes to eat you have it made.

Trick one: coming when called. If Kitty can hit the kitchen at the sound of beef and liver being liberated from a can, surely he can learn to zip over at the sound of his name. Here's how you start. First make sure Kitty's hungry and will take treats by hand. If you use canned food, trust me, start by putting it on a spoon. Some cats can't tell the difference between your finger and a T-bone steak.

Next say his name once (and only once or he'll think his name is Kittykitty or Kittykittykitty ) and then immediately give him a small treat. Repeat the exercise five to 10 times and then take a break. After you've paired the treat with his name a bunch of times he should start to make the association. When you say his name and he responds by turning toward you, he's on his way.

If he has this down pat, you can add some distance. Call him when he's a foot or two away. Pretty soon he'll be dashing from the other room. [OG Note: You call any one of the eight cat names in this house and they all come running. Another thing is to bring in some crabgrass from outside--one of the cats will see it and tell the others--seriously!]

How long does it take? Not to put any pressure on you, but my chicken Thelma learned in two days (she likes to eat), and my rat took four. Hint: if it takes much longer it's not your cat's fault.

Trick two: Touch a target. For this exercise, you need a pencil with an eraser or a ball on the end and a word to tell Kitty he's on the right track. Best to use a word or phrase he rarely hears. For cats, that would be, "Good Kitty." Now hold the pencil in front of him and when he investigates the target with his nose, say "good" or "good kitty" once and immediately give him his treat. Repeat the exercise in short sessions until he actively seeks the target out and touches it. Now you can use the target to lead him wherever you want, such as onto a chair for the next exercise. [OG Note: If I try this, they will plot together and maim me.]

Trick three: Sit and stay: Hold a treat just above Kitty's nose and move it back so he shifts his weight to the rear causing him to sit. A feisty cat might try to paw you. Just ignore this until he sits and then give him the treat. [OG Note: Got Band-Aids?]

Unlike sitting dogs whose derrieres spring up like waffles out of a toaster, cats are masters of the sit position. Since they tend to hold their heinie down for a few seconds following the treat, sit-stay is really easy to teach. Once Kitty knows how to sit, say "stay" and just wait a few seconds. Then give him another treat while he's still sitting. You can extend the distance by taking a step away and quickly coming back with his reward before he gets up. Gradually increase the time and distance over many sessions. Now you have the tools for training the cat to do almost anything you want - jump through hoops, fetch a ball, play the piano. Use the target to lead kitty around and reinforce the behavior you want using food at first and later using praise and petting instead. [OG Note: This woman cannot be a full-time vet. She wouldn't have time for this crap.]

Just be careful what you reinforce. A cat playing the piano all day could get on your nerves.

Sophia Yin, D.V.M., is a small-animal veterinarian in Davis and the pet columnist for the Chronicle. Her column appears the first and third Wednesdays of the month, in the Home & Garden Section. Sample some of her other articles on her animal-behavior Web site at www.nerdbook.com/sophia.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001

Answers

LuvKi tty's Castle

Lot's of Cat fanatic's links....

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2001

My kitty has trained me! She has a special meow that means, "I want to play . . . now!" And woe to me if I don't toss her sock or a ball or a play rodent for her to chase. At best, she'll crawl up on my keyboard and type obscene kitty messaglks dlkjf'ala;lk -welf;qlkj

See what I mean?

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2001