How do you stop SooperKev from drowning?

Take you foot off his head.


Thread rule: The joke must involve SooperKev.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

Answers

What do you call SooperKev with a suit on?

The accused.

I know they're old, but it's a start. Over to you lads...

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

SooperKev gets in a taxi and asks to be taken to the Tyne Bridge. The driver thinks this a bit odd and asks him why. SooperKev says "I've had a rotten season, the supporters hate me and I can't even score with me missus. I've had enough, I'm gonna jump off the Tyne Bridge." The taxi driver says "Why not the Wearmouth Bridge, it's a lot closer". SK says "Have you seen the f***ing queue?"

I know I've posted this before but I still like it!

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

Superkev and his mate wandered into a bar. Kev's mate shouted to the

barman,"Hiya, Mike. Set 'em up for me and me pal here."

Then he turned to Superkev and boasted,

"This is a great bar. For every two drinks you buy, the

house gives you one. And the pool tables in the back

are free!"

"That's not so great,"responded Superkev. "There's a bar

across town that'll match you drink for drink, and you can

get a shag in the back for free."

"Where is this place?" Kev's mate asked.

"Oh, I don't know," the mackem tw@t replied, "but me missus

goes there all the time."

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

Superkev was walking down the street with a baby ape (he'd bought it at the stade de merde thinking it was a Peter Reid replica!) in his

arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing

with the chimp. "I just bought this ape from the souvenir shop, I'm gonna keep it as a pet. We have no

children; so he's going to live with us just like one of

the family. He'll eat at the same table with us. He'll even

sleep in the same bed with me and the wife."

"But what about the smell?" the friend asked.

Superkev answered, "Oh, he'll just have to get used to it, the same way I did."

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

A conductor, while taking tickets on the train, noticed Superkev's wife with a small and extremely ugly baby on her lap.

"Lady," the conductor said, "that is by far the ugliest baby

I have ever seen."

Kev's wife, horrified by the conductor's comment, began

screaming at him, and demanded that her money be refunded

and the conductor be fired.

The head conductor then came into the train and tried to

smooth things over.

"Listen, lady," he said, "if you will forget all about this

matter, I'll see that you get the best treatment possible,

I'll give you your money back, and I'll even try to find you

a nice, ripe banana for that monkey of yours."

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

Another oldie....

Souperkev was renowned for complaining there were no oranges at half time, so to keep him happy Monkey Heed stops on his way to the next match, picks up ten pounds of Outspans.

He bumps into YBR outside. "Hello Monkey Heed" says Bobby. "Nice Outspans."

"Aye" says Monky Heed, "just got them for Souperkev"

"Nice trade" says Bobby.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

Superkev walks into a tailors and asks: "Have you got any suits that would fit me?"

The tailor replies "If we have, sir, then someone's getting the sack!"

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

Superkev gets home and finds his wife in the kitchen with a wok in her hand.

"Aww, that's nice. Doing a stir fry?"

"No Kev, I was just going to iron one of your shirts."

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

SooperKev walks into a Newcastle brothel, gives the Madame a hundred pounds and asks for the worst shag in the house.

"Why pet," says the Madame, "for a hundred pounds you can have the best lay we've got."

"Naah, I'm not horny - just homesick" says SooperKev.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

Q: How do you get SooperKev to stay on the BBS?

A: Create thread titles devoted to him.

Sheesh - I despair.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

This BBS isn't just for the Newcastle clique to talk about 'last night at the Strawberry'. I for one enjoy fresh faces and new discussions. When all the talk is about how terrible we are, it is nice to hear a nob like SooperKev to make us feel that life isn't so bad. No matter how bad we feel, none of us could ever stoop to SooperKev's level. Maybe it just an intellegence thing. I just can't imagine the like of Swift or De Builder running over to the makem board and leaving childish postings.

But this BBS is stagnating somewhat. The old communicata had a lot more users. Maybe we should open it up more. If we get 10 new mags for 2 more makems then we'll be better for it.

So what's the difference between SuperKev and a bucket of sh1t?

The bucket!

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2001

The biggest joke of all is that they call him Super. One goal in 13 games - makes Carl Cort look like Ronaldo.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2001

and how you wish he played for you eh?

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2001

I'd love to see Ronaldo play for Newcastle, yes.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2001

Superkev and Kieron Dyer fan get into a car accident, and it's a  bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but  amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, Dyer says,   Wow! Just look at our  cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God  that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."   Superkev," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is  completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink  this and celebrate our good fortune."   Then he hands the bottle to the Dyer who nods his head in agreement,  opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to Superkev. S.K takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on,  and hands it back to Kieron.   Dyer says, "Aren't you having any?"  S.K replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2001

SoopaKev was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin. A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. Kev was getting excited as the masseuse approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. "You wanna w@nk?" she asked. "You bet!" came Soopa's excited reply. "O.K.," she said. "I come back in ten minutes."

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2001

Superkev's wife broke her leg at home, so Superkev called an ambulance. The operator answering the call said they would be sending someone over right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Superkev answered, "at the end of Eucalyptus Lane." Then the operator asked, "Could you spell that for me?" There was a long pause, until Superkev finally said, "How about if I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there?"

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2001