If any of the upper echelon at SJP who may although I doubt read this forum ,I would like them to consider the following which I feel may be of help to OUR CLUB next season , it has been done before by other clubs tho not the prima donnas OUR game. I am led to believe that we have a friendly in the close season against Exeter City, knowing us lot that will mean probably sending a team of stiffs down, rephrase -: current playing staff. With this fixture in mind , why do you not take advantage of the training facilities on offer in that part of the world and utilise them for pre-season training of the old type and not the character building jollies to the States etc. I refer of course to the Royal Marine Commando Training Center at Lympstone not 15 miles away where you will be assurred of a warm welcome, accomodation for 2 weeks where you will be subject to stamina training, team spirit, dog`s abuse, and at the end of it you will have discovered a certain amount of pride you did not realise you had . You will note recruits limping around with stress fractures, still attemting to complete the Tarzan Course, Scramble Course and lastly the 30 miler, this means that broken fingers does not excuse anyone from taking advantage of this offer. As for accomodation, all will be billeted together apart from your Mt Barton who will be in the officers mess cos he plays football like a Rupert. No private cars allowed, letters from their loved ones (financial advisers), bawdy singing of Toon Chants at night in the MENS MESS is actively encouraged, clapping with hands above the head is not advisable in the present circumstances. For the South American contingement who feel they may have trouble with the vocab, an instructor in your face, shouting obscenities will be understood.

All that would be required Mr Stonehouse if your reading this is a small donation to the Royal Marines Benovolment Fund to assist the families of real men who are no longer with us , some of who were in all probability Newcastle Utd Supporters . I am sorry we do not carry out speed training but we guarantee that after two weeks your squad will run through a brick shithouse , demolish an Anderson shelter for Our Club. Our City, Us,

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001

Answers

Tot o Rum , Ower the top, onto the AP

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001

Sounds just what they need Buff!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001

Best suggestion I've seen on here for ages. Seriously.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001

I bet a fly-on-the wall documentary following the lads at Lympstone would be more entertaining than the end-of-season video. Unfortunately the modern pro is increasingly an overpaid spoilt brat, half would do a 'Domi' before the first week was over.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001

If only eh?

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001

Fantastic idea Buff - unfortunately 90% of them wouldn't last one day.
Soft as shite is too kind a description of our heroes.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001

An army sergeant has been found guilty of manslaughter over the death of that Charlton youth player. Probably stop any future attempts to do things the tried-and-tested-unbeaten-since-the-Normans kind of a way, but I'm sure that a whole mess of Geordie sergeants would consider it an honour to be responsible for the manslaughter of several of our "United stars".

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001

Another slight problem, Buff, is that this "pre-season" game is in a couple of weeks time!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2001