Probably the most contrived and cringe-worthy pi$$ poor effort at television entertainment since Stars in their Euro Eyes, played host to the "legendary" (see billing) Alan Shearer last night.

For those of you too fortunate to not get Sky One the programme is a thinly veiled vehicle for Paul Whitehouse and chums to play out the characters of Ron Manager and friends, while accompanied by some famous footballers past and present.

Al highlights: Alan trapping a ball passed to him with casual ease; 2 out of 4 attempt to put the hair style against a year e.g mop top = 1960s (ably adjudicated by Nicky Clarke); Al saying his wife was the best tester of the health of his equipment (no, it wasn't funny then either).

And that's it. No really, that was ALL Al did. Oh, apart from look unimpressed with Whitehouse making a remark about him not winning the league...cockney c**t.

Dan - if you know the show writers, terminate them...with extreme prejudice.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Answers

.......you sure it wasn't Dan, Bobby?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

If ever working on a programme warrented a blank period in your CV this is it.

Dan is far more talented. So I'm told ;-)

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

talking of Dan.....I thought he'd had something to do with that Alistair McGowans show? I didn't see his name in the million mile an hour credits mind.....I was very disappointed cos I was hoping he'd been the one to suggest making Lawrenson so gay :))

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Saw Dan on Baddiel's whatnot - playing the Geordie builder with no knackers. Writing and starring - too good for McGowan methinks. (and doesn't Charlie Higson write all of Whitehouse's stuff? (And I'm hoping I've put the apostrophes in the right place or Dan or Bobby will murder us)

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

And here was I thinking that I was the only one who hates Jumpers for goalposts.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I think I saw Dan's name in the credits for the first McGowan show but not this week's.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001