This weekend my wife decided that the lawn needed some work. I was told to trim the trees and spray it for fruit worms (we have an apple tree) and to clean the yard, spray the weeds in the yard and kill the dandelions. I was to forget about cooking because she wasn’t hungry and we only needed one meal a day. And I was to make sure that we had a good meal tomorrow because her son was coming home from lockup. I did all that was asked of me. We were going to have bar-b-que ribs Cole slaw, baked beans and biscuits. Later she told me that I was too stupid to cook and not to waste my time. The yard was a disaster, I had put down the spray on Friday, so why were the weeds still growing on Saturday? She then got a forty-pound bag of lawn and weed killer and spread it on the lawn. I beg her to stop; she was going to ruin all the work I had done for two years. She just said the yard was a wreck and she needed five more bags. I had to turn away and go back to the garage. Then she walked in telling me I was too stupid to work and then hitting me because I would not go and get more weed killer. She knocked some things out of my hand and then started hitting me in the head. I bent down to get those things and to get my head out of her way. Then she stopped. I looked back and she was on the ground. She said I pushed her down and then said she was going to call the police to have me arrested for pushing her. I don’t doubt that fact.

The next day, Sunday, she said don’t bother to cook for her, because I was too lazy and stupid to do it. She would just get her son and then go some where to eat. I didn’t answer. I took my daughter to Sunday services and to Sunday school. My wife was telling me how stupid church was. She was saying to just look in the mirror, I was still stupid, lazy and had a black heart. What did church do to change me? Nothing. I got my daughter and left. The little one likes Sunday services and school. She really likes her teacher and besides she hasn’t seen some of her friends for either a week or a day. (Some of the kids go to regular school with her and some do not. She is a social butterfly and can not LIVE without her friends. I know what she means.) I we got back from services and school, the wife was gone. I figured that she had left to do what ever she felt was necessary. I began cooking for my daughter and me. We had a chuck roast cut into steaks, salad, potato chips and a couple of cookies with milk. (I know, chips and cookies are not the best, but we did eat the salad greens.) My wife then showed up with a group and wanted to know why lunch was not prepared. I told her that I had believed her when she said that I was too stupid to cook and I did not prepare enough lunch for everyone. Then she told me to get ready and go to lunch wit them. I said that my daughter and I had eaten, go ahead and do as she wished. She told me not to make her angry and to do as she said. So I got ready and went to lunch. Lunch just turned into a place for her to attack me verbally.

I have called the police in the past. They tell me to just leave. They will not help me. They say that it is my choice to leave and they will help me with that. But they will not arrest her. She is not doing anything wrong. So I guess women can beat men without any fear of arrests in Colorado. But if you are a man – DO NOT TOUCH A WOMAN!!!

I am not allowed to have any friends. She has chased them away or had the police escort them off ‘her’ property. (again, the police not helping.) So I write these things down. Sometimes I have to have some one read them, so I post them on the web and use my imagination to believe that some one does read them. Some times I think I won’t even needed that much longer.

Good bye - Message.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Answers

The reason they will not arrest her is because they do not understand why a physically adept male cannot stop the abuse inflicted by a physically inferior woman.

I don't doubt that these things will not change much anytime soon, sadly enough.

My question to you is this:

Why do you stay with her? She is verbally abusive and you let her know that it is o.k. by doing nothing. She seems to feel a sense of superiority being a woman whose side the police will almost always take, simply because of physical properties.

The only advice I can give you is to leave. Tell her to go find another victim. Nobody deserves this treatment. It's a long road, but you have to believe it and you never will unless you get away from it.

You HAVE to stand up for yourself. Nobody else will. It's up to you and, yes, I am reading.

Is property really worth it?

Not in my book.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

I would like to leave. But I love my daughter. She means the life to me. I take her on bike rides, we go to the mall together, I have attended all of her school conferences. My wife has said that if I leave, Say good-bye to her because that is the last time I will ever see her. She said that she will go into hiding. I believe her when she first came to this country, I did not know that she was here illegally, but she went into hiding when she thought that the INS was after her. I did not she her for about 4 months. I did not know where she went and lost track of her. At that time I should have left town and forgot about her. However I had been told that I never tried to make a relationship work. So I decided to give more of a try. After we were married, the violence started. I believed that if I just would try harder and give her all the love I could unconditionally, she would see that and love me back. You know 'Loves conquers ALL'. Now she says that if I leave,then she will go back into hiding with the daughter. And I believe her. She will do things to hurt me. And the daughter. She has gotten rid of pets( three dogs, two fish and a bird) and did not care about the consequences. Do I believe that she might hurt the child - I am scared about that fact. If I am here, I can stop some of it. She used to beat the other children (in the days when police did not care what mothers did to kids). She has hit me with remote controls, rolling pins, shoes, grilling implements and books. She has attacked with cars, knifes, chain saws, garden hoses, pruning shears and did not care what happened. So what do I do? I try to stop the things that I can and let the other things slide. Am I wrong??

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

yup, you're wrong. You need to do 3 things.

1. Start acting like a man. Seriously!

2 Go talk to a good lawyer to start the process of leaving with your daughter, or better yet, making the wife leave.

3. Get yourself and your daughter out of there immediately. That is a horrible environment for a kid. Stop caring what this poor excuse for a wife says. She is wrong and crazy and the law is on your side.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2002

So tell me. How do you act like a man?? I was taught that it was to act with kindnessto others and strength when needed to stop injustice, to not allow brutality to others and to refuse to be baited into a fight when there not a GOOD reason.

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2002

I didn't mean he should fight her, of course not. What he should do is stop being so submissive and stop bowing down to whatever she puts him through. Acting like a man would to walk away from an obvious nutcase like herself. Walk away and don't look back. Protect yourself, your child and your property.

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2002