Do you have sex, or do you make love? I mean, a lot of people prefer to use the term "sex" or "make love," but I'm not talking about which term you prefer. Sex and making love are two different things... like even when you're totally in love, you're not always "making love." You're having mad sex.

Okay, I guess I'll just phrase it like this: Do you think there is a difference between having sex and making love? Do you "have sex" more often, or "make love?" Which do you like better?

Also, what was the best sex (or lovemaking) you've ever had?

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2001

Answers

i agree with what you're saying, esp. in regards to the "even if you're in love, you're not always making love."

i think having sex can be just as good as making love, and vice versa.

the best sex i've ever had was equal parts sex and lovemaking. we've been friends for what seems like forever- we get along great, trust one another completely, and there was never any kind of flirting or whatever beforehand because we both totally respect one another (why do i feel like i'm writing the setup for a porn story?). that night we had a long conversation about our past relationships, and somehow it came out that we'd both liked each other for a very, very long time. he showed me a bunch of songs he'd written for me ... ah, melted my heart. :P

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2001

Oh, there's definitely a difference between having sex and making love.

We usually have sex. The last time we "made love" (I hate that term) was actually the night I found out I was pregnant. At least, in my opinion, the mood was entirely different. It was really nice.

Anyway, I don't really like one more than the other. It depends on the circumstances.

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2001

My partner and I use the terms interchangeably, but for us it is all a matter of love. I think that there are differences in the way the act is performed between people (whether it's about love or whatever else), but the terms don't necessarily have to reflect that.

We never use the term "making love" because it sounds really hokey, but "have sex" sounds clinical (like "intercourse"). Our main euphemism is "fool around" (as in, "wanna fool around?") but we will use whatever comes to mind depending on the mood. It all means the same thing to us because of how we know that we feel about each other.

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2001

Why do people always post anonymously when talking about sex? Don't be ashamed of fucking, you repressed bastards.

-dan

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2001

Gee, just a few days ago I was talking with someone else about old dan... wondering what the hell happened to him.

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2001

For me, personally, there is no such thing as making love, but because I recognise that people differentiate between emotionally intimate sex and more physically-focused sex, I would say that there is a difference, which is basically just to say that there's more than one way to have sex (it seems like there's more obviously a difference when you put it that way). Because I do not recognise the concept of making love for my personal activities, I always refer to my sexual activities as having sex (or occasionally euphamistically, but not because the situation was different...one day of sex isn't fucking and the next day is sex, they're both sex but I might call either or both fucking or something along those lines depending on the situation I'm describing it in.)

It's hard to say what the best sex I've had is, though. I've had a few that stand out as bad but all the sex I've had except those times that were particularly bad have been good.

-- Anonymous, April 28, 2001

re: dan's comment

i post anonymously on these kinds of topics because i think a lot of people just Don't Wanna Know who exactly has done what. i mean, i duno, i don't want to have disturbing mental images of katie, for example, so i'm glad that if she is one of the contributors she's doing it anonymously. they're interesting to read.. i just don't want to know who..

-- Anonymous, April 28, 2001

Hmm.. I like your theory, Leslie, but I think it needs to be expanded.

*I've* always thought of sex in terms of three types: having sex, fucking, and making love.

Having sex is routine, monotonous, not so great sex. Fucking is for the pure physical, carnal joy of having sex. Making love is a deeper, more intimately spiritual connection that, in my opinion, you can only have with someone you have a history with.

Proud (?) to say I've done all three. Heh. :)

-- Anonymous, April 29, 2001

I usually think of "fucking" as when there is no love involved whatsoever (romantic love I mean, friendship doesn't count) and you're just out to get laid.

There's a lot to be said for intimate sex (or whatever -- the term "lovemaking" makes me want to throw up), but there's also a lot to be said for hot sweaty mad sex... rowr.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I'm posting anonymously, because I'm in agreement with Laura on the disturbing mental images thing.

I'm also in agreement with Alison on the making love, sex or fucking thing. I think of it in terms of violence, though. Making love is the excruciatingly tender kind; sex is the mmmmmmmmm kind; and fucking is the vicious scratching spanking swearing position-changing sort. For me, it took a long time before sex became a case of "you really, really need to change your bedcovers more often than every twelve weeks, darling". Now, it's sort of all three in about equal amounts.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2001

I always broke it up as such:

Lovemaking: what everyone else's definition of it is. Having Sex: Bonking someone, not so much because you have feelings for them, but just because they're hot and the sight of them makes you horny. Going home with someone you met from a club one night is an example. Fucking: Basically, masturbation using another person instead of your hand.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

i prefer anything that isn't cheesy and gets me off.

when people say 'making love' i just instantly hear unchained melody in my head and imagine myself throwing pottery with patrick swayze. gross.

-- Anonymous, August 19, 2001