Good morning Americans!

Carleton was a precocious child. She was always running around the neighborhood with big ideas and ambitions. The young men in the neighborhood thought she was the cats meow. She had looks, intelligence and flair. But Carleton had no interests in their shenanigans, she would much rather read a book on philosophy than get involved in their teenaged tomfoolery.

You see, Carleton had ambition and big dreams. Her father was a law professor at the University of California at Los Angeles and she had hoped to one-day follow in his footsteps. Little did young Carleton know that fate had a different plan for her.

She graduated from Stanford University with a Bachelors degree in Medieval History and Philosophy and later a masters degree in business administration from the University of Maryland.

Most young women of her day would have rested on their laurels after such an amazing accomplishment. But not Carleton, she went on to get a Master of Science degree from MIT’s Sloan School. Young Carleton’s career was about to take off.

After graduation, Carleton went to work at AT&T and later at Lucent Technologies. My oh my, Carleton was flying high as a young account executive.

She quickly worked her way up the corporate ladder becoming president of Lucent's Global Service Provider Business. While she reigned as queen of Lucent, she spearheaded the planning and execution of Lucent's 1996 initial public offering and subsequent spin-off from AT&T, one of the largest and most successful IPOs ever.

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Big things were about to happen to young Carleton. You see, In 1999, one of the titans on the exploding silicon valley scene was in need of a new CEO. Could the former precocious schoolgirl fill the big shoes that had never been on a woman’s foot before? You betcha! And with much fanfare, Carleton began her reign as a queen in an empire once ruled only by kings.

Most recently Carleton has been in the news for fucking over several hundred employees and running her once proud titan of industry into the red. And on April 18, 2001 she announced that earnings for the quarter-year would fall well bellow expectations.

Her name is Carleton, you may know her as Carly. Carly Fiorina, the chairman, president, and chief executive officer of Hewlett-Packard Company.

And now you know, the rest of the story!

Paul Harvey, Good day!

-- Paul Harvey (yes@paul.harvey), April 24, 2001

Answers

Lucent, too, is assuming a TU position.

But Paul, aren't you really a useless guy who does nothing but read rehashed news, and pimp a lot of products nobody wants?

-- LowLandPete (flatwater@dixie.com), April 24, 2001.