New robot Fido doubles as a Dildo

Mark Schreiber

In 1999, Sony startled the toy industry when it introduced "AIBO ERS-100," the world's first robot pet with artificial intelligence. (AIBO means "companion" in Japanese, but is also an acronym for Artificial Intelligence roBOt.)

Sony's cyber-mutt was really an amazing little gadget; it incorporated a 64-bit RISC processor, 18 specialized motors, and removable memory storage. Even at the heady price of US$2,500, the first lot of 5,000 units sold out within minutes on the Internet and Sony has since moved to producing over 40,000 units.

AIBO was soon to spawn a host of low-priced and less-sophisticated imitators, which, depending on the model, entertain with such antics as barking, tail wagging and shaking paws.

From here, it was only a matter of time before it occurred to someone in Japan that the product could be modified for use as a sex aid. Weekly magazine Shukan Jitsuwa (4/26) reports that Angel Heartz, a purveyor of raunchy gadgetry in Nagoya's Midori-ku, has recently begun allowing customers who visit the store to take a crack at its "Robot Vibe-inu."

Vibe-inu, which responds to orders from its master to "come" and "stay," is built on the chassis of a basic cyber pet (of a brand not mentioned). The techno-pooch in any case appears to be of mixed breed, although from its nose, one's would guess one of its parents was a cyber-collie. To wit, the elongated object that serves as the creature's proboscis is none other than a battery powered sex aid that buzzes and rotates when activated.

In addition to the retail shop, Angel Heartz features a room in the back, which it makes available to "members" — amorous couples who can cavort with Vibe-inu and other assorted paraphernalia for a flat fee of 3,000 yen. The couples, up to five of whom are said to avail themselves of the room each day, are advised to be inclined toward exhibitionism, and on the opposite side of a two-way mirror is another room rented out to single men who pay to watch Vibe-inu in the action at the rate of 4,000 yen per hour.

Comfortably seated behind the two-way mirror, Shukan Jitsuwa's reporter describes a young woman in her early twenties, obviously fond of animals, who beckons Vibe-inu to snuggle on her, er, lap and burrow in. Soon she is emitting purrs of delight.

"Gee, what an obedient pet," the reporter concludes. "I can hardly wait to see what the next generation model will be able to do."

Buzz the Wonder Dog

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Answers

Shown without optional, ummm.. attachments?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

I didn't read this thread.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

I did not read this one, either!!!!!!Ummmmmm...when are they goon be available in America???

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Well, I did read this thread. All I can say is be careful of STS temptations as they lead down a long and lonely path. Remember the excuse that Flip Wilson used to use, "The Devil made me do it."

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2001

One can do better STO if ones basic human needs are being met, in whatever way works for individual circumstance and requirement.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2001

To give a more technical critique of its possibilities, I would point out that unlike smaller and more portable devices, the body of this creature is likely to stay cool and somewhat stiff and angular to the touch, not an entirely pleasant or warmfuzzy sensation unless you are looking for that sort of effect. It is also too big to hide in your sock drawer.

Discerning consumers who would prefer not to wait for this enhanced model to appear at their local K-mart (i.e., sometime after hell freezes over) may wish to discreetly pay a visit to the health and science section of the old ez-board Currents, where I posted a selection of links to various online purveyors of such electronic marvels, after reading all those terribly pure replies to Jessebelle's Big Question.

And really Gordon, they are not just useful for solo pursuits, but can enhance intimate loving with others as well. Mr. Firemouse would agree on that subject, but is too shy to write about such things himself, so you will just have to take my word on it. And for heavens sake, if anybody doesn't understand how that could be, of course I can discuss in private.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2001

ROTFLMAO! But not at this thread, of course, we're not reading it, are we, SAR?

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2001

For some reason, I'm reminded of one of the Naked Gun movies, where George Kennedy goes "What the hell is this" and lifts up an unusually equipped chainsaw and fires it up...

I laughed for days....

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2001

Firemouse,

The trick is, and always has been, to be able to discern the difference between STS and STO temptations. Human history, especially current human history, is a study of the results of either path. I'm sure you are careful in your free will choices. Blessed be.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2001

Alright, somebody explain STS and STO please...

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2001

"Service To Self" and "Service To Others," often expressed in the context of the channeled discussions by the entities known as the Cassiopaeans.

I'm of the school of thought that says that while I'm in this dimensional state my body is a temple, and that both the infrastructure and social structure are happiest when there are worship services going on there. I can best give service to others when I am not hampered by the demands of involuntary celibacy. I am not a Cascadian, I am a Catskillian (Woodstock is the nearest town with sidewalks), and we're reknowned for going at it like minks. Gotta keep the bioregional reputation going. ;)

You wouldn't want me to be cranky, would you? It's a terrible thing to have to put up with me when I'm grumpy. And it would not be STO to put demands upon Mr. Firemouse when he is not in the mood, which is why the twentieth century has such marvelous inventions like computers and other electrical devices.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2001

As a former SDS, I would not be confused...

Whatever accomplishes your karma my dear, and allows Mr. Firemouse to achieve his without trauma....

Oooommanyapadnybuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

-- Anonymous, April 22, 2001