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Investigators Probe Clinton Pardon of Hitler
Clinton: Known Democratic Supporter Pardoned 'on Merit'
(TheSatyr.com) WASHINGTON, DC -- Federal prosecutors have begun probing Clinton's last-minute pardon of Adolph Hitler, adding yet another scandal to the growing Pardongate.
Hitler had long been wanted on 10,000,000 counts of genocide, assorted war crimes and three counts of jaywalking before Clinton declared the case pardoned on account of its merits.
Details of how the pardon was granted emerged Wednesday, when the New York Post reported that approximately twenty autographed copies of Hitler's Mein Kampf, estimated at nearly $600,000 in value, had been donated to the new Clinton Library in Little Rock, by the Führer three days prior to Clinton's pardon.
Clinton denied any wrongdoing. "I'm sorry to disappoint all the story-starved reporters looking for a lead, but you simply won't find anything here,” a visibly irate Clinton said to reporters outside of his Chappaqua, NY mansion. "There simply wasn't enough evidence to corroborate the charges. This case was pardoned on its merits."
Clinton added a warning: "This crucifixion by media has got to stop."
According to the Post report, longtime Clinton chum Hitler made several visits to the White House in Clinton's final days in office, to request pardons not only himself, but for two other Nazi top brass, Dr. Joseph Mengele and Heinrich Himmler. The donation to the library followed shortly thereafter.
The Führer, who has been a close family friend of the Clinton's "as far back as [Clinton] can remember," got a "bum rap" by the war crimes tribunal.
"When one knows him and his family for a lifetime, you know that in addition to being an oppressive dictator, he's really got a good heart and wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone our Jewish supporters," added Clinton.
The Third Reich did not return phone calls.
© 2001, TheSatyr.com.
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"boo" for satyrizing such a serious event.
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-- mean bitchy lady (go away @ you. loser), April 20, 2001.
-- mean bitchy ladymaybe if you had a sense of humor you wouldn't be so bitchy. perhaps you would even have some friends in the real world.
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Wasn't it Reagen that put flowers on a nazi grave? Didn't the Ramones write a song about it?
-- Enlightenment (gone@away.now), April 20, 2001.
Satire it is, of course, but it makes a serious and valid point, about our former bribe-taker in chief.
-- Peter Errington (petere@ricochet.net), April 21, 2001.