Two cows are in a field. The first said "looks like they've got foot & mouth at the farm next door. That means we'll be next for the chop." "Yup" replied the second cow, resigned to her fate.

"Tell me" enquired the first cow, "if you could choose the person to shoot you, who would you choose?" "Andy Cole"

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2001

Answers

Two maKems in a pub , one siad to the other, I had the best shag ever yesterday.

Yeah, that good was it? tell me more

I was walking next to the railway and I saw this lass tied to the track, I untied her and she gave me the best shag I ever had.

Did she give you a blow job?

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No I couldn't find her head

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OK Mac you can delete this if you want to, It was actually told to me by a rep from Sunderland this morning. sick innit?

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2001

2 SHEEP IN THE FIELD, ONE WHISPERS TO THE OTHER :

I'm not feeling well today.

THE OTHER ONE SAYS SAYS:

shut up or you will get us all killed.

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2001

A woman visits a pet shop where she requests to buy a parrot. The shop keeper explains that he only has one left and his language is quite distasteful.The lady replies I know how to deal with him, I'll take it..When she gets home,she places the parrot in her bedroom and proceeds to get changed for her night out.As she takes off her skirt. The parrot remarks, wow what a lovely pair of legs. The lady then picks up the parrot, takes him to the kitchen and puts him in the freezer for two minutes.The parrot thinks about what he has done and when the lady opens the freezer door, promises not to mention her legs again.Back to the bedroom they go where the lady carries on getting changed. She removes her bra, wow what a pair of tits remarks the parrot.The lady takes the parrot back to the kitchen and places him in the freezer for five minutes.The parrot thinks about what he has done and upon the lady's return promises not to make another comment like that again. Before we go back to the bedroom, asks the parrot.Can I ask you one question? Go ahead replies the woman. What the f**k did the chicken do, ask for a blow-job???

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2001