STRIPPER'S SMALL-CLAIMS CASE

A STRIPOGRAM who failed to rise to the occasion for a pub full of women is being sued in the SMALL CLAIMS court.

Elaine WOODCOCK booked a "hunky cop" to do the Full Monty and then throw daughter Gill over his shoulder on her 18th birthday.

But she claims the 10st wimp who turned up could not lift the 12½st teenager. And when he took down his particulars there was a tiny teddy bear covering his embarrassment.

Elaine, 42, stormed yesterday: "It's appropriate we're going to the Small Claims Court because there wasn't a great deal to see.

"I wanted a hunky policeman to sweep Gill off her feet. I told the stripogram agency she was a big girl.

"Instead of giving the job to a red-blooded fella, they sent us a cross between Popeye and Mr Bean.

"When he took his kit off there was a deadly silence.

"His willy was covered with a furry little black and white teddy. Then everybody just burst out laughing."

She is suing Lincoln agency R and J for her £70 back.

Sixty of art student Gill's pals went to the bash at her mum's local, The Gamekeeper in Scotter, North Lincs.

Gill said: "It was so embarrassing. The bloke had SAS tattooed on his shoulder, and all the lads in the pub were laughing.

"Normally strippers cover you in baby oil, slap you in handcuffs, and sweep you off your feet.

"There was none of that. He just danced around and then flashed this furry little teddy. It was awful."

Pal Emma Ammandale, 21, said: "He was pathetic."

The stripogram, who refused to give his name, insisted: "Nobody complained on the night. They got value for money."

Really Small Claims Court

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Answers

According to her, he doesn't 'work hard for the money'

According to him, he did.

Poor guy. will his winkie be introduced as evidence?

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Are you SURE you aren't related to the King of Spain?

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Wonder if the judge will charge him with Insufficient Exposure?

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

"Normally strippers cover you in baby oil, slap you in handcuffs, and sweep you off your feet"

They do??? Why was I not informed???

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Somebody just told George about this guy

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Great picture OG... good to see Dubya staying on top of current events :)

By the way, who is Mr. Bean? Is that another Brit thingy?

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Who is Mr.Bean??? Oh, Carl, you disappoint me! Rowan Atkinson, for whom my husband was mistaken in Britain in his thinner days.

Humor Links sent me to Mr. Bean Goes Internet and the Rowan Atkinson page.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Yep, Brit thing...

Fixed your link dear, by moving your pic onto my tripod site... remember, geocities cut off external links to pics on their users websites...

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

Thanks, didn't even notice that's where it came from. Some good links at the comedy links site, though, huh?

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

I think he will lose the case due to insufficient evidence.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

Old Git... the last two of the three links you posted won't let me connect, says something about not being authorized to link to them...

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

Oh sorry, Brits only. You have to show the screen your British passport to get in, all the while singing, "Land of Hope and Glory." Snort! You can get to them through the first link, just search on "Mr. Bean."

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001