Is there anything wrong with virginity?greenspun.com : LUSENET : Nutshell : One Thread
I'm twenty-six years old and a virgin. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Do you? (And, hey, don't worry about hurting my feelings on this subject. I'm the one who just wrote an essay about my sex life and posted it to the entire World Wide Web. ;)
-- Beth (email@example.com), April 01, 2001
And, if anything, that'd be what I'd do: experiment, see what the big deal is for myself. I'm pretty sure that I don't think that self-exploration is anything nasty or dirty: my upbringing never suggested that, nor anything I've encountered since except for high school and HS is just fucked up all the way around (subject of a future Steam essay!). That probably isn't my hangup, but I don't know what is. If it's a hangup.
Well. It is a good thing I'm not in a relationship, isn't it? Or not, since maybe that'd be a good place to start in discussing my issue(s) instead of on an Internet forum. I feel that I'm taking advantage of something or someone by doing this. Thanks for writing, anyway. It's giving me food for thought and courage to reach out in real life for advice (which is scarier than on the net, for me).
-- Beth (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 03, 2001.
My take on it is that you should do what feels right for you. It isn't like your virginity hurts anybody. It only becomes an issue if you're in a relationship and you both want different things - I have a friend who broke off an engagement because the guy involved had pretty much no interest in sex, while she did. But it sounds like you're not very interested in romance, either, so that isn't likely to come up.
-- Miriam Nadel (email@example.com), April 02, 2001.
I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to have sex, or not wanting a partner. In fact, I think it's admirable in many ways.
I do think it's sad that you haven't had an orgasm yet. I started masturbating when I was 18, and a virgin. I didn't have a wild sex drive that burst out of nowhere and so I just HAD TO DO SOMETHING. I was curious to see what the fuss was all about, experimented for a while and said-- oh my God. THAT'S what the fuss is about!
Orgasms are rad. You should have one!
-- mo pie (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 03, 2001.
Is there anything wrong? Gawd, no. I'm jealous.
I lost my virginity when I was in high school, in absolutely the worst way possible. No, I wasn't raped, though it was rape in a way. I suffered from the most debilitating sense of worthlessness, and a good friend's boyfriend took advantage of that. For years afterwards, it affected me. The shame, humiliation...looking back, it affected me a lot more than I realized. After that, I had the mindset that when you waste your "first time", then whatever happens after that doesn't really matter.
For someone who is in a good marriage with a child, my views on relationships are extremely cynical. I, too, get annoyed with the way relationships are portrayed in movies and on TV. It burns me the way writers throw in love stories for no good reason. It's one of the reasons I don't watch many movies anymore.
You can have a happy, productive, wealthy (financially and spiritually) life without romantic relationships and/or sex. What is important are the other kinds of relationships. Those you can't live without. Friends, family.
-- Cyn (email@example.com), April 09, 2001.
I had a thought about exploration that might help. Think in terms of sensory exploration, rather than the strictly sexual. The 1970's era book, The Sensuous Woman, actually has some good exercises for this. I have my own rambling essay on the subject in a journal entry that I'm probably overly proud of at http://www.areasofunrest.net/39/23Aug98.html
-- Miriam Nadel (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 14, 2001.