I never, ever thought I would be reading, let alone pasting, articles from the Enquirer.

GORE FLUNKING OUT AS A COLLEGE PROFESSOR

FORMER Vice President Al Gore is now a professor at the Columbia School of Journalism -- but he's still a loser, say students.

When senior Ilana Fischer was asked to give one word to describe Al, she replied, "Stiff."

Senior Seth Morris declared that Gore was a "loser."

And his friend Sheldon Wong said, "I'd have to agree with Seth on that one."

Gore arrived at the school's Manhattan campus in a motorcade consisting of three sedans flanking his SUV, four drivers, five Secret Service agents and handlers and an ambulance.

A student who saw Gore's entourage quipped: "Who does he think he is, the President?"

One of Al's journalism students told The ENQUIRER:

"There was lots of anxiety and nerves during the first class.

"Nobody was sure how to behave or respond. It was a zoo plus a circus with all the media outside. Inside he used a wireless mike and his voice came out of the speakers. It was part of the distancing effect."

Another journalism student told The ENQUIRER that Gore's class was "kind of boring. He looked like he gained weight."

But Gore's student admits the ex-Veep is improving.

"The second class was better. He didn't use the mike and he showed up in a casual pullover and cowboy boots. He's sharp. He never spaces out.

He's focused on what's going on. He even gets impressed with us! It's cool."

The students were unsure how to address their new professor. A student said, "He told us to call him 'Your Adequacy.' It was funny."

Gore worked as a reporter at The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville after graduating from Harvard. But his fellow reporter John Warnecke doesn't give him high marks as a journalist.

"He was a thorough but average reporter, not a Pulitzer Prize winner," Warnecke told The ENQUIRER.

"He won't make his mark as a journalism professor.

"He couldn't have gotten the job there if he hadn't been Vice President of the United States. It would have taken him years as a reporter to refine his skills."

-- COURTNEY CALLAHAN

-- Anonymous, March 28, 2001