Story

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Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned and was told by the monarch who captured him that he'd be put to death. But the monarch was impressed with Arthur's youthful happiness and offered Arthur a way to regain his freedom. He'd have a year to have a question answered, and if he didn't find an answer, he'd be put to death. The question was: "What do women want?"

Such a question would challenge even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible task. But, he asked everyone. The princesses. The prostitutes. The priests. Wise men. Even the court jester. None could give him a satisfactory answer.

The year came to an end. Arthur had but one day, and he'd been holding off asking one person, the Old Witch, because he knew her price would be high. But, tomorrow would be the day he would be put to death, so he had no choice.

She agreed to answer the question, but only if Arthur agreed to her price first. She wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend.

The witch was hunchbacked and awfully hideous. She had one tooth and smelled like sewage water. She made horrible and obscene noises -- he'd never come across a more repugnant creature. He just couldn't ask his friend to bear such a burden as marrying the Old Witch.

But Gawain, upon learning that Arthur would be put to death, spoke with Arthur and told him no price was to high to spare Arthur from death. So, Arthur told the Old Witch that Gawain would marry her. She, in turn, gave him the answer. "What women really want is to be able to be in charge of her own life."

Everyone instantly knew that was indeed the correct answer, and the monarch did indeed spare Arthur's life. But Arthur was now torn between relief and anguish as he prepared for the wedding of his best friend to the Old Witch.

On their wedding day the Old Witch put on her worst manners. She ate with her hands, belched, farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

That night, Gawain steeled himself for the worst having to make love to such a creature. As he opened the bedroom door . . . . . . there was the most beautiful woman in the world! Gawain was astounded and asked what happened. The beauty replied that since he'd been so kind to her (when she was a witch) half of the time she'd be her horrible self and half of the time she'd be the beautiful sexy woman she was then. It was up to him to choose if she was to be beautiful during the day or during the night.

What a dilemma. Would he rather show off a beautiful woman during the day and be repulsed at night or be in the company of a hideous creature in public but be in the company of an angel for the intimate hours. What to do.

What would you* do?

Well, Gawain replied that she should choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all of the time, because he had respected her and let her be in charge of her own life.

The moral of the story?

It doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly. Smart or dumb. Underneath it all . . . .

She's still a witch.

[no offense intended to any witches. this is humor.]

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2001

Answers

LOL! I got sucked on that ending. I was expecting one of those friendly moral tales that have been circulating. Thanks for the chuckle.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2001

You mean, "Chicken Soup for the Arthurian Soul"?

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2001

Hey, now!!!!! be nice!

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2001

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