O.K. let me start out by saying I am a sinner. I know it and I am trying to change. Here is my story… I married my true love in my Catholic Church. We were truly a match made in Heaven. Then life got busy and we stopped going to Church. (We were not going on a regular basis to begin with). Then things changed. We became selfish. We were unhappy together. I thought my entire world was falling apart, because it was. We ended in divorce. I did not get an annulment because even though I was not going to Church, I still believed that I made a vow to God. I still felt I could not end this marriage in Gods eyes. I planned on being alone the rest of my life. Well that didn’t happen either. I married again. (Not in my church) I can’t say that I didn’t realize I was doing wrong, I guess I just didn’t understand the true nature of my sins. Then I had the most beautiful baby. I thought, and still think that God sent him to me to heal me. I started going back to Church. I started reading the Bible daily. I tried my hardest to understand what I was reading and to make the correct changes in my life. I wanted (want) to live the way God wants me to live. Please understand, my Catholic upbringing consisted of being dropped off and picked up at Church. So I have a lot to learn. Suddenly I received a message from my first husband. We talked and realized that we had made a huge mistake. We both agreed we should never have divorced. But at this point there is no turning back. I prayed to Jesus to come into my heart and to show me the way. Show me what to do. Then at Church this Sunday I listened to The Prodigal Son. I though it was a sign. I have sinned, I realize my sins, and I want to come home and repent. I am not saying I should get back with my X, however if that could happen without hurting my child I would be delighted. My feeling is I should divorce again and remain alone. How do you know what Jesus wants you to do? I can’t be the only sinner trying to change. How do you know what is best for everyone involved. I want God and my child to be happy at all cost to me. If that means I spend my life in an unhappy marriage, then I will. If that means I spend my life alone, then I will. I don’t want to be selfish again. Please help!! Thanks, Jayme

-- Jayme Gorman (chippy01602@yahoo.com), March 26, 2001

Answers

Jayme:

It seems you have a history of making poor choices when you act on impulse. I can assure you since it has taken years to get yourself into your present situation, you are not going to solve all of your problems and turn your life around with one reading of the story of the prodical son. Your problems are serious in nature and complexity. I suspect you are probably not going to find the solution to your problem in this forum based on what little you have told us.

I would strongly recommend that you seek out the advice of a priest who has experience in marriage counselling.

St. James and Mary, Our Blessed Mother, pray for us!

Ed

-- Ed Lauzon (grader@accglobal.net), March 27, 2001.

Yes, Ed; and even so, Jayme Gorman is on the right track. She found our forum. She made a confession of sorts to us here; and the same confession to a good priest is certainly called for.

But that is more painful, done face-to-face. A meeting like that, though it could be productive, is sure to produce anxieties for Jayme; much more than this medium does. To boot, some priests are unprepared for problems like hers. She might meet one who's in a hurry, or given to stern behavior. It can destroy her self-confidence, and ultimately her resolve.

My best hope would be for Jayme to investigate thoroughly. Let her first find the right priest; a compassionate and experienced counsellor. Then correspond with him first by mail, if possible. She ought to write every aspect of her situation down; explain each point clearly, and make her intentions known very frankly. With that preparation, she can arrange to meet that priest in person. The most embarrassing part would be behind her, and she could learn from his advice, without feeling any panic or pressure.

Now I've gone on like a great psychologist or something. I'm sorry. But I'm thinking of this from her perspective. The things I've told her (and you) have worked for me. I have had these kind of experiences, but not about divorce-remarriage. I've done the same thing for a different (personal) cause; and it worked splendidly for me. You operate much more efficiently when you start first in writing. It helps break the ice. Trust me, Jayme, you'll see. Meantime, we shall all say a prayer for you! Bye!

-- eugene c. chavez (chavezec@pacbell.net), March 27, 2001.

Eugene, Thank you. You are a very nice person.

-- (chippy01602@yahoo.com), March 27, 2001.

You might possibly profit by the sayings of the Master:

Mark 10:5-12 5And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. .................. 6But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. .................. 7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; .................. 8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. .................. 9What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. .................. 10And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. .................. 11And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. ................. 12And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

And,

1 Cor 7:10-16 .................. 10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? .................. Also, .................. 1 Cor 7:39 39The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. ..................

The accommdation to the Israelites in regard to marriage and divorce does not extend into the Day of Grace as revealed by the Apostles and Prophets. Jesus catagorically states Moses allowed them to play the fool, but it was not so in the begining. God created them male and female for a life long union that was indissoulable except via the door of death. The vow was for better or worse, in sickness and in health, richer or poorer. ...................................................... The divorce situation is as muddy today as ever among almost all sects and groups as ever. And men and women are going to do as they wish as in the days of Moses. They could care less about the teachings of Jesus or Paul...or they think to find an avenue around it. Marriage is for the biological life of the man and the woman. ...................................................... Matt 5:32 32But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, *saving* for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. ...................................................... Mark 10:12 12And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. ...................................................... Luke 16:18 18Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. ...................................................... NT:4202 .................................... porneia--(fornication) .................. 1) illicit sexual intercourse a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals, etc. .................. b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev 18 c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mark 10:11,12 2) metaphorically, the worship of idols; used of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols .................................... NT:3924 .................................... parektos--

) except, with the exception of (a thing) 2) besides

Matt 5:32 "saving" for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

-- collin (wonderboy@dell.net), April 06, 2001.