Molly Ivins - We'll all need a drink when these bills come due

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We'll all need a drink when these bills come due

by Molly Ivins

AUSTIN -- What a strange session the Texas Legislature is having. Other states are in budget freefall, with revenues dropping so sharply services have to be cut. In Texas we publicly admit to being in a budget crunch, but not a crisis.

We're not actually running a deficit unless you count the $700 million emergency spending bill, and I don't know why you wouldn't. What we are facing is a crisis in state government services.

Everybody at the capitol, and you can take this for nigh universal, blames George W. Bush for this in private, but almost no one does so in public, it being bad form to knock "our president."

The problem is the state, which notoriously underfunds services to begin with, did not make wise use of the fat years when money was rolling into the state treasury. Gov. Bush got not one but two large tax cuts while the pressure on state services grew and grew, and he left no cushion.

Meanwhile, the new census reaffirms what we already knew, that Texas is one of the fastest growing states in the country and we now face some horrid choices.

It's so bad that even our highways, which used to be the only subject we ever got an A in, are going to pot. Harris, Dallas and Bexar counties can't get roads. Of course neglecting infrastructure comes under the heading "Truly Dumb": it always costs more in the long run.

Meanwhile, if something isn't done for the prison guards, they're going to walk, the teachers need health insurance and Medicaid continues to be a disgrace. One of the capitol's most cynical lobbyists, putting odds on what would get attention in the end, said, "Those Mexican kids die real quiet; you just pull a sheet over their faces and you don't hear from them any more."

The Republicans are now in an painfully awkward position: they have to govern but Rick (Goodhair) Perry is not the son of a former president who is being touted for national office.

All hands are aware that Comptroller Carole Keeton Rylander is sitting on some extra money: Texas comptrollers always do this so they won't have to certify a budget shortfall.

The problem is no one thinks she's sitting on enough to pay for the prison guards and teachers' health insurance and a raise for state employees and getting Medicaid to the point where it actually functions for most of the people it's supposed to be there for.

It looks as though the ambitious plans to help the Rio Grande Valley will once again be shelved despite Perry's promise to make the poverty in that area a priority. We can't fund them. Not to mention everything else on the perennial wish list, like parks. Parks, `she wrote for a change', just to get the word at the beginning of a sentence, since by custom all sentences involving state spending end with -- and parks.

Oddly enough, despite the budget mess, this turns out to be a pretty good session for getting good things done -- as long as it doesn't cost money. We haven't figured out how to pay for the big-ticket items yet, but cleaning up around the edges is going well.

We owe this to former-Gov. Bush, whose presidential campaign brought unpleasant publicity to the state's less civilized habits. So we will probably stop executing the profoundly retarded -- there's a step -- and we could get a hate crimes bill and may even do something about providing competent legal counsel for poor people so they don't get the death sentence while their lawyers are asleep. We're even getting a new law so that people in prison who can prove they are innocent will have access to DNA testing.

The indigent defense bill was vetoed by Bush last session, but its author, state Sen. Rodney Ellis, is chair of Finance Committee this year, which gives him beaucoup de clout.

Ellis and acting Lite Gov. Bill Ratliff pulled off a dandy funding coup for higher ed, which has been getting shorted for years, with the help of one of those constitutional amendments you can never figure out while you're voting.

This one gives state colleges access to earnings on the investments in the Permanent University Fund that had been limited to capital needs, i.e., more buildings. The money can now be spent for teaching and research at UT Arlington, Dallas, San Antonio, El Paso, Tyler and Odessa.

But it wouldn't be a session without a stink, so we are all grateful to the liquor lobbyists. The PR firm for liquor wholesalers is fighting Internet sale of wine, and to that end mailed out a postcard about a cute, white kid named Billy.

"Billy has always been an entrepreneur," says the title, and we see happy Billy selling lemonade and then delivering newspapers. But then Billy takes a dive toward the dark side and is shown at 14 "selling booze he bought on the Internet to his friends." And of course his new friend is of the black persuasion, just to show you how far he's fallen.

Unfortunately, the chairman of the committee that will decide the fate of the Internet wine-sales bill is Rep. Ron Wilson of Houston, who is himself unmistakably African-American. Several citizens at the capitol noted that after Wilson announced he was affronted by the blatant racism, the liquor lobbyists all needed a drink.

Molly Ivins is a columnist for the `Star-Telegram.' You can reach her at 1005 Congress Ave., Suite 920, Austin, TX 78701; (512) 476-8908; or mollyivins@star-telegram.com.

-- dudesy (dudesy@37.com), March 25, 2001

Answers

The good Ms. Ivins is so far to the left that she can no longer see the middle.

-- So (cr@t.es), March 25, 2001.

Socrates:

Do you LIVE in Texas? Do you have a CLUE? You can format your responses with "My dear" and "the good", but your responses STILL reek of ignorance of reality. Where DO you live?

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), March 26, 2001.


Why Ms. Anita, you sound like your panties might be a size too small. I’ve resided in many parts of the world and had the pleasure of living in the following areas of Texas: San Antonio, San Angelo, Abilene, Stamford, North Dallas, Sweetwater, Granbury, Austin, San Marcos, and New Braunfels. I still have a lot in the Little Ponderosa area on the Guadalupe River and part interest in a great bass camp on the Toledo Bend Reservoir, near Zwolle on the Louisiana side. There is little of this great ‘republic’ that I have not seen in detail. I have many friends in the Lone Star State and it is doubtful that you possess 5% of my knowledge of Texas and the inner workings of state and local government. I’ve actually had the pleasure of meeting Molly Ivins at a function in Houston a few years ago.

Can I offer you any further ‘clues’ Anita? I’d sure hate to reek of ignorance before such a learned one as you.

Oh, mind if I ask where YOU live?

-- So (cr@t.es), March 26, 2001.


Socrates-

Why not stick to the facts? If you can debunk what Molly is saying, do so.

One does not debunk an argument by saying "shes a leftist(sic)".

Is anything she stated inherently incorrect?

-- Futureshock (gray@matter.think), March 26, 2001.


Anita-

You should know by now that Socrates is a self-ordained expert in everything, literally a legend in his own mind. Since he is certain the sun rises and sets on his catelog of "knowledge", he does not actually need to listen to anyone else, or even validate their experiences by acknowledging them, so there's nothing you can tell him that will pierce the thick veil of self-satisfaction that surrounds him. With this type of individual, all you can do is let him run his mouth (or in this case, his keyboard)and point and laugh.

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithouta.net), March 26, 2001.



Is this a two out of three match?

Mr. Shock, where did you get the idea that I was ‘debunking’ Molly’s article? I simply stated where she lives on the political spectrum and made no mention of the article itself. I suggest you revisit the teachings of Aristotle and learn the true meaning of syllogism.

Mr. Ape, I’ve watched in amusement as you have been eaten alive in every debate that you have participated. I’d take a bite myself but there is no meat left.

And Ms. Anita, I hope to speak with you again soon. Please, leave these two idiot savants at home next time.

-- So (cr@t.es), March 26, 2001.


Sure you have, Socrates, sure you have. Now run along home with your tail between your legs and leave the conversation to us "ignorants". You've graced us with your presence long enough.

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithouta.net), March 26, 2001.

The good Mr. Socrates is so far to the right that he doesn't walk, he hops.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), March 26, 2001.

Of course anytime revenues fall for the government it's a crisis to Molly, as it would be any socialist. Then their wish list of new spending does not get automatically dialed in. Face facts, government is about the only entity that believes it has an inherent right to have increased revenues every year no matter what the economic conditions. Molly stated it herself when she said that most all other states were facing decreased revenues, but she has the cojones to believe that Texas should somehow be immune, not just hurting less.

-- molly has socialist tunnel vision (moreinterpretation@ugly.com), March 26, 2001.

Wrong Mr. Little, I 'glide'.

-- So (cr@t.es), March 26, 2001.


Falling short of money is a Texas tradition. I remember when "pink slips" were normal. There was always a shortfall at the end of the (2- year) budget cycle, so the state would pay employees and contractors with IOU's, on pink paper. These were always funded once the next budget cycle, so the banks treated them as negotiable currency until the Supreme Court struck down this practice.

During these years, both the governor and the legislature were democratic, so Molly Ivins never quite got around to noticing this practice. But the *current* situation is that while the legislature is still democratic, Texas had a Republican governor. And (as always) doesn't have as much money as they'd like.

But now, Molly Ivins has an ideologically suitable target, and she opens fire with great glee. MAN!, it was hard for poor Molly when Texas was so screwed up and not a republican in sight to blame it on. Whatever could she possibly write about? But give her one juicy (well, at least nominal) republican, and she writes entire books about him. Such a relief, you wouldn't believe.

Molly Ivins can build a more entertaining case using half the facts than anyone else I know of. These facts are very real, like saying a dog has two legs. For a fact, it does.

-- Flint (flintc@mindspring.com), March 26, 2001.


MAN!, it was hard for poor Molly when Texas was so screwed up and not a republican in sight to blame it on.

Not so. In fact, the exact opposite of the truth. You must have missed "Molly Ivins, The Early Years". She had a whooping good time tearing up the Texas Legislature back when it was run by Democrats. Luckily, she left proof in black and white to refute your misinformation.

Go to the library and check out Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? and prepare to laugh at Democrats.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), March 26, 2001.


I glide.

If that's gliding, you sure glide ugly.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), March 26, 2001.


Nipper-

I have that book, it's one of my favorites. One thing is for certain, Molly Ivins doesn't believe in sacred cows.

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithouta.net), March 26, 2001.


During these years, both the governor and the legislature were democraticA Democrat in Texas is a republican anywhere else.

-- Cherri (jessam5@home.com), March 26, 2001.


So cr@t.es couldn't handle the heat so he got out of the kitchen.

-- dudesy (dudesy@37.com), March 26, 2001.

Socr@tes is just a one-trick pony. He always says something ill about somebody else. In saying it, he adopts a condescending attitude which he hopes people will mistake for superiority. He always adds a dash of ultra-polite formality, which he figures is the method used by superior people when they want to be especially cutting. And that is all there is to him. He starts there. He ends there. He spends all his time there.

Oh, he may turn the crank two or three times in the same thread, but he always spits out the same product. Then he leaves. He has nothing else to say. And this is his brand of superiority.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), March 26, 2001.


Wrong again Mr. Dudesy. I’m on fire and waiting for your next cut-n- paste laugh-a-rama. Do you live in the DFW area? Just curious how you stumbled upon Ms. Molly.

-- So (cr@t.es), March 26, 2001.

I also own "Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?", and it's one of the most hilarious books I've ever read. Nipper is right, she doesn't suffer fools gladly from either party, although she rants against democrats only as a last resort.

And often enough, she makes a very good case. I often feel that her case would be so much more convincing if she considered the *real* tradeoffs to any policy, rather than just pointing out the very real stupidity of one side. Like I said, a dog for a fact has two legs. It's also a fact a dog as *three* legs. But these are "Ivins facts", not quite descriptive of the gestalt.

-- Flint (flintc@mindspring.com), March 26, 2001.


Flint: "Like I said, a dog for a fact has two legs. It's also a fact a dog as *three* legs. But these are "Ivins facts", not quite descriptive of the gestalt."

You've repeated this claim twice now. Your claims would be much stronger if they came with examples.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), March 26, 2001.


I often feel that her case would be so much more convincing if she considered the *real* tradeoffs to any policy, rather than just pointing out the very real stupidity of one side.

Molly is a political HUMORIST. She's not running for office, and she's not trying to convince anyone of anything. Kindof like Letterman and Leno, she takes the topics of the day, makes fun of them, and MOST of us laugh.

I live in the DFW metroplex, Socrates.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), March 27, 2001.


Good morning Ms. Anita. I miss Texas a lot. Although I return on a regular basis I miss the great people that are true Texans, living outside of the major population areas. I think you know what I mean. My first stint in Texas brought me to Dallas where my office was in the LBJ/Central Parkway area (right next to the Benihana). This was in the late 70’s and for the most part, Dallas was just another big city with Justin boots. Many urban cowboys. My company had purchased some real estate holdings and I was privileged to live in the Preston Towers, near Preston and Walnut Hill. I was on the 20th floor with a most breathtaking view of Downtown Big D. I left Dallas after 1-½ years to move to Oklahoma, where we had other business interests. I had to come back to see the ‘real’ Texas.

I returned in 1983 and spent the next 7 years living throughout this great state, mainly in smaller towns and often out in the middle of nowhere. It was during this time that I fell in love with Texas and Texans. These days, I am not quite as nomadic and find myself somewhat anchored. My goals for the future include coming back to Texas and spending the rest of my time there.

There was a restaurant called the Southern Kitchen on the backside of Love Field, near Bachman Lake. If it is still in business, you will never have a better chicken fried steak. I can see in my mind’s eye all of the spring flowers that have bloomed with the fields of Bluebonnets leading the way. This is the best time of the year to live in Texas, as long as you don’t mind a little hailstorm now and then.

-- So (cr@t.es), March 27, 2001.


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