Let's say you meet someone and the two of you just don't hit it off. Let's say that the other person actually seems to dislike you. What do you do? Are you sad? Do you try to make the person like you? Do you start disliking that person in turn? Do you simply not care?

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

Answers

I'd probably sit and pine for a bit trying to figure out what i did to make this person dislike me, then i'd decide that they could go screw themselves cuz i'm fine the way i am. Then i wouldn't care, but would more than likely dislike them right back.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

I coulnd't care less if someone doesn't like me. I have other stuff to care about.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

I would focus on all the crappy things I could find about them, and then discuss them in detail with my friends. Then I would try not to care, secretly obsess over it, and call my mom to make sure that I am still wonderful.

I'm a big believer in the idea that if you don't like me, I don't like you back twice. I think you have to believe that if someone doesn't like you, they are obviously wrong. There must be something seriously wrong with that person and they obviously cannot recognize greatness when confronted with it. And they probably had a lousy childhood. You must pity these people.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

I'm so used to people not liking me in the first place, I'm always surprised when people actually *do* like me.

And sometimes I feel bad that I don't like someone that everyone else thinks is great, and I try really hard to like them, but it just doesn't work.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

Something kinda like that happened to me last semester. See, I hate to know that anyone dislikes me. Last semester I had a falling out with someone who was a "new" friend of mine. I obsessed over every little dalliance and/or conversation that occurred between me and said person. I came up with a bunch of reasons not to like the other person and I told everyone I knew how evil that person was. Then I started to feel guilty as I debated over what I could have done differently, whether or not this person had good reason to be upset with me.

Basically, here's what I do: If, after much deliberation, I decide that I really did do or say something inappropriate to cause the rift--and that person is my friend and I want to at least attempt to salvage the friendship--I will apologize to the person and try to come to some sort of resolution through lots of deep heartfelt talking. But if I ultimately decide that I didn't do or say anything that to me would be inappropriate under the circumstances, and that person isn't all that important to me anyway and whose presence won't upset the grand scheme of things, then I figure that person is too immature to be wasting my time obsessing over it, and I let the whole thing go.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

I would want a reason for being disliked....just not hitting it off is somewhat common, but deing disliked takes some energy. I think I would worry I said/did something that was misconstrued and try to make amends but, if there was nothing, I would have to force myself to shrug it off... I have enough to do without trying to analyze everyone else. I think if it hurt me, I would probably avoid them OR start to dislike them myself. Defense/surviv

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

well, if I didn't like them in return, I would just wonder why they suck ass so much and avoid them as much as possible...but if I kinda liked them or didn't think THEY were horrible, then I would spend all my time wondering what I did to annoy them and wonder if other people felt the same way about me and were just hiding it from me.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

I used to try to make people who disliked me like me. Now, (maybe I've gotten older and wiser, or just jaded) I don't care, and ignore them. Hey, to hell with them if they don't like me!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

"Oh, get fucked, will ya..." People usually find a reason to dislike me - usually, like "SJ's got an abrasive personality, she doesn't care about other's feelings, and she wears clothes that are way too tight." I couldn't care less. I'm too damn busy to try and please anyone

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

I used to care if people disliked me... used to. :) If I just don't hit it off with someone, I don't give it a second thought. However, as has been said by others, if it's an active dislike I will think back over my encounters with the person to see if there was something I did that was inappropriate or might have been misconstrued. I would apologize if I thought that was the case, but far more often I'm just reassuring myself I did nothing wrong. :) Usually it's true though. A lot of times, an active dislike can result just from them being pissed off at what you were wearing or the way you flick your hair or even the fact that you didn't seem to care if they liked you or not. So even then I don't give it much thought. Too many other things to worry and think about - and of course, I'm so busy disliking *them* in return... :) Why would I like someone who instantly started hating me for no reason? Some people might be that saintly, but I'm not. :)

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

But you know how you meet some people and you *do* hit it right off? And you get along like houseafire? There has t o be a balance to that, right? So sometimes, for the same reasons people like each other right off, some people don't. I guess. Incidentally, no one has ever disliked me upon meeting me. Sometimes it takes...well, at least 10 or 20 minutes!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

What Joanne said. Sometimes you just can tell from a two minute conversation that you are either going to be great friends or not friends at all. As the internet shows, what some people think is wonderful other people think is stupid, and you just gravitate to what you like. If someone doesn't like me I'm not really going to obsess over it because you can't be friends with everyone. If someone was my friend and began to not like me anymore I would just think that his/her life is taking a different direction from mine, or vice versa, and go on with my life.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

For me it usually depends on how often I think I'm going to have to deal with that person in the future. If it was a good friend of a good friend I'll usually try to clear things up and find out what went wrong. Otherwise I don't really obsess about it. I mean part of me feels bad that someone doesn't like me but there are way to many people in this world for me to spend energy trying to change one strangers opinion of me. I’ve thought a lot about this because I have the single misfortune of being loud and have a quirky sense of humor. So I put up with a lot of misunderstandings from people who don’t know me.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

What Ann said. But I wish it didn't matter if I liked them or not.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

I'd definitely wonder why, wonder what I could have done to piss them off. If I don't come up with anything, fuck 'em. I've got Robyn's attitude: how could they possibly dislike me? Oh well, their loss, they don't know what they're missing.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

I wish I could say I didn't give a rat's ass, but it seriously bugs me when people don't like me. I'm fabulous, dammit!! Being indifferent to me is one thing, but not liking me?? 'Sup with that??

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

Amen, Luchina!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

You are totally fabulous, Luchina! And I don't like you even! Just kidding, of course

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

oops! Kidding on the I don't like you part. D'oh!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

I would rather know that someone doesn't like me than to think someone is my friend who tells others he/she hates me behind my back. I had someone in college do that to me, and what annoyed me the most was the effort I took to maintain a friendship with this person (we had mutual friends). If I had known she didn't like me I would have made her and myself happier by not making an effort to do things with her or be part of her little world.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

Yep, what Nicole said. I don't care if someone doesn't like me because there are plenty of people who do. (that sounds conceited, I'm sorry, but it's true) Anyway, I'd rather not waste my time on people who don't care for me. It's not a big loss. I just want to know right off the bat so there's not a lot of misdirected effort on my part.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

"I don't care if someone doesn't like me because there are plenty of people who do. (that sounds conceited, I'm sorry, but it's true)"

Heh. When I first read that I thought you were saying there were plenty of people who don't like you. My next thought was, "I've never know anyone who was conceited about the fact that so many people don't like them. What a thing to be proud of." Then I read it again. I'm ok. I swear.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

What do I do? Well nothing at that time I suppose. Unless...heh!

I dont get sad, I get mad bout it because I believe I am a very likable person, who is easy to get along with.

I sometimes, but rarely try to get a person to like me.

If they do not like me, usually I just go away, its easier that way.

Now otoh, If I dont like someone I just met, it is usually my gut instinct letting me know they arent kosher in the 1st place. So far so good.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

Nicole, it's really hard to imagine someone not liking YOU! I bet even your husband talks behind your back.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

Travis, for a person who was an English major in college, I really suck at grammar. Or is it suck with grammar? Or maybe just: grammar sucks. :)

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2001

Don't feel bad. I have plenty of grammar shortcomings. Commas confuse the hell out of me and without spell check y’all think I was the victim of severe head trauma.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2001

How about "I done fucked up that there grammar stuff there"...?

What do I do when someone doesn't like me? I guess it depends on the context and situation. If it's a coworker, I'll make an extra effort to kill 'em with kindness. If it's a jerky co-worker whose guts I loathe in return, I just avoid them and, if forced to interact with them, I'm a brief and businesslike as possible. If, say, it's some total stranger from an online community who just wants to send snarky emails and make nasty comments, then I'm a big fan of ignorning. But if it's someone I like and respect who doesn't like me in return, then I feel pathetic and wretched and guilty and dwell on how much I suck and all that.

Luckily it doesn't happen all that much, but when it does, I'm prepared. :)

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2001

Um, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but trying to make someone like you by being really nice to them seems really sad. I worked with a woman who I just didn't like. It wasn't anything she said or did specifically, her personality and interests clashed with mine and I just didn't like spending time around her if it wasn't work related. One day someone asked me if I liked this woman or not and I said I had nothing against her but I just didn't like her. I guess that person told the woman and she spent two weeks "killing me with kindness." Not only did it piss me off but it made her look pathetic to other coworkers who knew about the situation. I finally told her to stop it while she had a shred of dignity left and that there is no way I'm going to start a friendship with her. I told her I would maintain a decent work relationship with her, but not to expect me to hang out at her desk and shoot the shit and vice versa. It hurt her at first, but she got over it and when we did have to work together we were fine and she hung out with her office friends and I hung out with mine.

Every situation is different, but I don't see the need to try to win someone over if they don't like you.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2001

"Not only did it piss me off but it made her look pathetic to other coworkers who knew about the situation. I finally told her to stop it while she had a shred of dignity left and that there is no way I'm going to start a friendship with her. I told her I would maintain a decent work relationship with her, but not to expect me to hang out at her desk and shoot the shit and vice versa."

Eyew... no, I don't try to be all buddy-buddy. I'm not trying to "make" anyone like me. I don't ask questions (other than the requisite, courteous "How are you?"). I don't hang about and shoot the shit. I just use my (tm) Disney Voice, and am nice, pleasant and as boring as possible. I'm not trying to win 'em over... it just seems like the most professional way to handle such a situation in the workplace.

I've only had to deal with it once; an older woman (with whom I worked when I was in retail) and I had a personality conflict. She obviously didn't care for me, and I wasn't all that keen on her. (I didn't *hate* her... like I said, it was a personality conflict. I got the feeling she wanted me to be very deferential to her and treat her like she was my authority, because she was older... even though she was just another sales clerk. And I'm a fairly cheerful person in the workplace in general. So she thought because I wasn't bowing and scraping to her, and because I smiled a lot, that I wasn't "serious" about my work. Lady, it's just a gift store! Chill!) But what good would nasty comments and snipping and "Oh, I don't like that person!" do? So we were just very, very... NICE to each other. Of course, my skin crawled every time she called me "darling," but I hope my bright "Oh, Shirley, you're just so SMART about these things!" rankled her a bit as well. :)

In all seriousness, what's the alternative? I'm not the scowl-and-be- mean time. The Disney Voice seems more effective.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2001

Dwan, *phew*! I'm glad you weren't like this woman constantly telling me whatever outfit I was wearing made me look like a movie star or my hair is sooooo cute, and would I like her to pick up lunch for me, blah blah blah.

The relationship I had with her after that sounds like the kind of relationship you had with Shirley. You were pleasant to each other in person but didn't spend any more time together than necessary.

I think if you have to work with someone you don't really like you might as well be pleasant because it makes your day horrible if all you are doing is thinking of ways to make each other look bad. Like what everyone I work with at the moment does.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2001

No problem, darling. And did I tell you how FABULOUS you look in that outfit?

(I actually picked up a personal inside joke from Shirley. One morning, I came into work wearing this hot pink princess-styled dress trimmed with black velvet, black velvet ballet flats, and some kewl- rad jewelery. When I walked in, Shirley eyed me up and down with this... really creepy smile. "My, my, my, my, my" she crooned at me. "Um, what?" I asked, confused. "What a SMASHING little dress!" she cooed. I just about lost it. But every so often, I'll crack myself up with a "My, my, my, my, my... what a SMASHING little _____.")

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2001

Right now there are two people at my work who seem to dislike me. I just realized it about one of them, and I don't really care. I just thought, "Why doesn't he like me? He must be stupid." Then there's the other coworker, who used to like me, but now doesn't. That one bothers me more than I'm willing to admit. I have too much pride to grovel, though. Some days it even pisses me off to the point of curtness and terseness. How dare that fucking person not like me -- GODDAMMIT.

However, as psycho as that is, it's way better than I used to be. Ten years ago, if someone didn't like me, I'd probably stay up all night worrying about it. Then I'd cry.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2001

no wonder your fucking husband left you you crazy witch.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

Hotmale??

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

Hey look! Newone was just posting, and now James is posting. Coincidence? I think not!

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

here kitty kitty.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

Catfucker.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

Wow! Now James can't even spell his own name.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

James, maybe you should have put glasses on your happy faces, so people wouldn't recognize you.

8-)

"It's funny how you never see James and newone in the same place at the same time" "hmm..."

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

I am polite and pleasant to everyone I meet, and don't tend to meet many people who take a dislike to me. It's possible that I'm surrounded by a lot of big fakes who don't like me but for some reason like to give me hugs and call me up to chat on the phone or invite me out to dinner and parties, of course, but they fake it so well I suppose that I don't mind. Heck, I'm still friends with exboyfriends. My favourite one and I had a "date" last night to go see a play together and we had a lovely time.

I suppose that I tend to dislike others more than I am disliked, and it takes a lot for me to dislike someone. They have to really work at it. I give people many chances to straighten up and be decent human beings. When I am forced to co-exist with people I don't like, for whatever reason, hopefully a good one, I make a point of being pleasant and kind to them, but I don't say things I don't mean or act smiley/ nicey-nice-- I'm just pleasant and professional. I don't bother making nice with anyone who has given me a good reason to be wary of them, but I likewise see no point in being rude or expending valuable emotional energy on them.

Even in elementary school, when all the kids made a hobby out of picking on each other, I didn't take too much notice of it all and was thus probably not as much fun to pick on as the kids who got upset or got into slanging matches with other kids. I tended to have my nose in a book and if someone demanded my attention, I would turn my back and walk off. (I think I was a bit too serious as a child, but I'm sure making up for that now.)

Well, there was the time I backhanded some knuckle-dragging kid and threw him into a sticker bush because he was making my brother cry (that was MY job, damn it!), and HE didn't like me much after that, but I'm sure that he doesn't really count.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

Tylerd, just by reading all of posts on these forums, I think it's safe to assume you already have foot and ass disease.

-- Corky (charlesthatcher@yahoo.com), March 21, 2001.

-- Anonymous, March 24, 2001

Hey look! Newone was just posting, and now James is posting. Coincidence? I think not!

-- Nicole (nicole72@hellokitty.com), March 23, 2001.

nicole, do yourself a favor and dont respond to the trolls. It only serves their purpose. shame on you.

-- Anonymous, March 24, 2001

Not everyone likes everyone else. If they did there would be no originality or uniqueness. It is the very differences in each other that attract or repels. If I feel that someone does not like me, I move on.....without hard feelings or ruined ego. it's what makes the world go 'round and life is too short to miss any of it through self pity.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2001

I forgot to say that a friend at work reminded me of the saying that says, if everyone liked you, it would mean something was wrong with you. I think that's probably true, because it would mean you didn't have your own real personality.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2001

And Gwen has multiples, right Gwen? You said yourself you enjoy posting as others. But of course you will deny that. I am willing to bet you wont even admit that you are the one posting as others simply so you can get your ego stroked?

Admit it for crying out loud.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2001

As the old saying goes, if someone takes a dislike to me, then there are other fish in the sea, and, like Gwen said, if everyone apparently likes you, either you're good at keeping your opinions to yourself, you're self-deluded or you have no personality. Or maybe you just refuse to associate with people who don't seem to "get" you and spend your time more productively elsewhere even before someone has a chance to cultivate a serious dislike of you.

I think that one can be well-adjusted and happy and have a well-rounded personality and strong sense of self without cultivating any enemies, not that it is easy. You can't control what others think about you, but you can avoid associating with those who don't seem to appreciate you. You can refuse to take their negative opinions and insults to heart. You can avoid escalating things from awkwardness to ugliness to out-and-out war if a relationship doesn't seem to be going all that well. There's no need to burn bridges when things don't go exactly the way you want them to. IMHO, life's too short to waste a lot of time and energy on trying to get attention or affection from someone who will never be inclined to give me any. Me, I can always get my needs for attention and affection met elsewhere.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2001

Dude, you're right. Half the posts on this forum are actually by me. I don't get my ego stroked by spending time creating a site that people compliment -- I get it stroked by sending myself compliments under other names. You figured it out. I am so busted.

Obviously it pisses you off that I'm fat and yet I still have friends and fans because I'm funny and smart. I guess you're skinny, right? But you're still a bitter, friendless, shitty excuse for a writer. Instead of trying to punish me for your shortcomings, why don't you just kill yourself? It'd save you the time and extra trouble.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2001

Wow what a nice choice of words. Tell me that your statement wishing someone would committ suicide was just a joke.

Shaking my head in complete disbelief. How awful.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2001