I just took a herd of Brownies up to an observatory for a star party (Mt. Laguana San Diego folks). During a quick, before the trip talk, I gave a safety tip. The telescope is big and you have to climb a step ladder to get to the eye piece. It is *really* easy to bonk your head on the scope, and at 1/2 ton or more, with mirrors and mounts, the scope always wins. So all the kids and growups were super careful, no incidents except cold, tired kids. But, guess who hit the crap out of her head? No one noticed and I managed to carry on as normal but felt like a goof. My favorite though (because it happened to someone else) was when I was teaching nursing students and I told them that they won't be able to see the flame on their bunsen burner, so be careful and pull long hair back. No more than one minute later someone's hair was on fire. She was fine, but I think she did have a new haircut the next lab. Anyone else pulled a good one you've tried to cover up?

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Answers

My husband blames his farts on the dog. Does that count?

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

I blame my farts on Nicole!

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Hmmmmmmmmm - I would say Kathryn Harrison of Florida has us ALL topped. That is the biggest cover up anyone has ever tried to pull; of course it helps to have the Supreme Court back up questionable, politically motivated and just plain WRONG actions. Talk about smelly dog farts... ---

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

I'm teaching an English comp course, and I can't spell for shit. And I can't rattle off all the various bits 'n pieces of basic grammar, neither.

But am I still entirely too stuck on myself as The Professor? You bet I am!

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Hey, I was just trying to help. Really. I wasn't sure if you knew correct grammar or not. It doesn't look good to say me and so and so did whatever when you're an English major/teacher and even if you're not. It's not funny. It's not kewl. It's improper grammar. You (with your background) of all people should know that.

*sparky*

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Dear Corky,

Look up "audience and purpose" in any basic grammar book. Gee whiz!

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

I've noticed that sometimes people will post anonomously something personal on some boards, yet they post the same thing on several different other boards under their regular user name.

What's that all about?

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Oh, and by "basic grammar" I meant I can't define, say, "predicate clauses with squinting modifiers" offa the top of my head... not that I have no grasp of basic English skills.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

And that excuses improper grammar?

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Okay, if "audience and purpose" is too complicated for you, try looking up "formal and informal".... For Pete's sake, I don't say "ker-nifty" and "I gots" and "ain't" and "y'all" in formal writing!

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Corky, that's not as bad as when you post something anonymously and then when people respond you respond to them using your known name. I saw that happen a few times on an old board I used to frequent.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Now I'm looking up 'predicate clauses' and 'modifiers' in my grade six English book. Modi-who?

Anyway, I was doing head shots for this singer, and shooting her album cover. We decide to do the head shots first. I take my polaroids, set up, blah, blah, photographer cakes, then I shoot off about 12 frames. I realize then that I have no film in the camera. I realize then I am a huge loser who is about to be fired. I call over my assistant (husband) and tell him something is wrong with the camera and 'Maybe we should grab the other one...' (with film. Loser) I was recommended to her by a friend of a friend, and I could just tell my friend was going to be getting an irate phone call at the end of the (very long) day.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

I have sprained my ankles many times because of a bone deformation in my feet, but there was one time that was truly spectacular. I was coming out of my departmental building at the university, talking to two fellow students. It was late autumn and the steps were covered with wet leaves. Well, I fell down the stairs, in the most undignified and splatting manner possible. Both men rushed to help me - I was terribly embarrassed. I jumped up and brushed myself off and said I was absolutely fine, oh ha ha... etc. I spent about ten minutes there talking to them, fighting back the pain, pretending there was nothing wrong. They went off to their other classes and I stood there until they were gone. Then I half-limped, half-crawled up to the University Health Services, where the sports medicine doctor told me I had sprained every single tendon around my ankle. Being on crutches for the next few weeks did not help the cover-up I'd made.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

when it comes to political cover-ups, NO ONE can beat Hillary Clinton. No one. She's gotten away with everything!

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

A good friend of mine told me of her horrifying cover-up. She had flown to a class on the East coast with one of her supervisors and, in the rental car on the way from the airport to their hotel, she farted. She didn't draw attention to it or admit guilt, but instead took several deep open-mouthed breaths in a vain hope to inhale all the fumes before her companion noticed.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Hee Hee, Paul! I love a good fart story.

Um, no offense Dwan, but I've always wondered the same thing as Corky. I guess that phrase is one of my pet peeves, since my mom always corrected me when I would say me and my friend went to the store just to get on her nerves.

Carry on.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Paul, did she tell you what her fart tasted like?

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

HA! And ew.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

You know you were wondering the same thing.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Damn! I was! I'm so embarrassed.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

That wasn't a very good cover up.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Crap. I guess I'm not good at covering things up.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Okay, who else was wondering what her fart tasted like? Raise your hands. :-) No, she said she couldn't smell it, and all her inhaling didn't do anything, apparently, because she didn't mention getting a taste.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

*raises her hand*

my cover up was a cover up that (almost) every person has done:) My school yrs in gym class when we'd do jumping jacks i'd fart and it was so noisy with all the jumping it couldn't be pin pointed, so i'd blame it on the fat kid, who i might add, ALWAYS took the blame cuz i think he did the same thing when he did the jumping jacks...anyways that lasted from elementary through my freshman yr...and it was always the same fat kid...i feel kinda bad now, but i don't think my cover up changed his life in anyway heehee

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Well, San Diego just experienced our first rolling black-outs today. Don't be embarrassed about farting you guys. If you could just harness all that methane, we wouldn't have to worry about an energy crunch :) FART and be proud!!! Fuel And Rears Together!!!!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

My kid is always repeating something I've said, remembering only the sound bites and then saying them loudly in public places.

One day we were talking about "wedding girls", and she came home from daycare saying she wanted to marry her friend Molly. I said, no honey, you're too young to get married and anyway, you'll probably marry a boy when you get older. "But some girls marry girls," says she. "Yes, but girls usually marry boys," I say.

So a week or so later, we're at a big family function, and the topic of weddings has come up again. Loud and clear a small voice rings out, "My Mama says girls can marry girls."

Stunned silence from the conservative section, while my husband rolls his eyes. He has a hard time understanding why I discuss topics like this with a five-year-old.

"No, you misunderstood me, honey."

"You said that, Mama, you did."

He he, nervous laughter, "No, we'll talk about it later, let's go get some juice."

"Mama don't lie! You said that, I guarantee."

So, now the suspicion is that I'm trying to raise my daughter as a lesbian. Poor, doomed child, her mother neglects her by sending her to daycare, won't take her to church, and now is encouraging her to marry a girl.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2001

Oh my God, Mary Ellen, the kids repeating things. How could I forget? There's a certain little someone in my son's kinder class who he is NOT supposed to interact with. He's mean, pushy, a bully and makes my boy cry. So over Christmas break I say, "You are not supposed to hang out with boy. Boy is mean. OK? Ok" Then later I was on the phone and I told Tammy, "Ooooh, that kid is just evil." And thought nothing of it. First day back, Casey goes running up to boy and says, "Go 'way. You're evil!" Uhhhhhhh. So I tell the teacher, "I think he picked it up from Cardcaptors or Pokemon, I dunno. I'll talk to him." I leave class and my friend Cindy is all, "LIAR! Li. Ar. Liiiiiar. You lie."

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2001

Here's a funny TV commercial for Smart Beep paging. Some of you have seen it already, it's been out for a long time.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

Damn, greenspun broke the link in the wrong place. Here's the URL: http://www.adcritic.com/content/smart-beep-first-date.html

This link should work, sorry if it doesn't.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001