Oh George, how we love thee!greenspun.com : LUSENET : Unk's Wild Wild West : One Thread
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out,"Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking "I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall." He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"
-- The (email@example.com), March 05, 2001
One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says Satan. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take one of their places. I'll even let you decide who leaves."
Clinton thought that sounded pretty good, so Beelzebub opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy, in a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in Hell. "No," Bill said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Bill.
The Devil opened a third door. In it, Clinton saw Jesse Jackson lying on the floor, with his arms tied over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Clinton took this in with disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this."
The Devil just smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"
-- The (firstname.lastname@example.org), March 05, 2001.