BBS Corinthian League Match 1

The Season kicks off with Tranmere Rovers in the FA Cup, 20 Feb 2000. Speed, Domi and Big Dunc provided the goals in a close-fought 3-2 win which looks better better as Tranmere notch up Premiership scalps in the Cup and even the filthy mackems fall to their work ethic. No classics amongst the goals, which was hardly surprising considering the playing surface and the removable advertising hoardings and towels to make Challinor's contribution a telling one.

Points Given 3 Barton 2 Dabizas 2 Helder 2 Hughes 2 Dyer 2 Speed 5 (goal) Gallacher 2 Domi 5 (goal) Shearer 2 Ferguson 5 (goal)

BBS Corinthian League Results Match 1

Home Team	Result	Away Team
Baxter Basics	1 - 2 =Fixtures!E3	Lutwyche Wanderers FC
Buttox Kickers	2 - 3 =Fixtures!E4	Proper Lard Unathletic
Collingwood's Monuments	4 - 0 =Fixtures!E5	Real Zaragossy
Crazy Canucks	2 - 0 =Fixtures!E6	Rik's Rovers
Daily Toon Part Timers	2 - 0 =Fixtures!E7	Shilbottle WMC
Douglas Boys	1 - 0 =Fixtures!E8	Spayne
FC Jumpers for Goalposts	0 - 5 =Fixtures!E9	Steph's Superstars
Gav's Knackers	1 - 0 =Fixtures!E10	The Gallowgate
Grassy @rsed Moochers	0 - 0 =Fixtures!E11	Useless United
Kiwi's Kloons	0 - 3 =Fixtures!E12	Willington Quay Old Girls Eleven

Stupid to look at the table yet, but anyway:

BBS Emergency Corinthian League Table

Team Info			Home					Away					Overall
Position	Team	Played	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	Won	Dwn	Lst	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Steph's Superstars	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	5	0	1	0	0	5	0	5	3
2	Collingwood's Monuments	1	1	0	0	4	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	4	0	4	3
3	Willington Quay Old Girls Eleven	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	3	0	1	0	0	3	0	3	3
4	Lutwyche Wanderers FC	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	2	1	1	0	0	2	1	2	3
5	Crazy Canucks	1	1	0	0	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	2	0	2	3
6	Daily Toon Part Timers	1	1	0	0	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	2	0	2	3
7	Proper Lard Unathletic	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	3	2	1	0	0	3	2	1	3
8	Douglas Boys	1	1	0	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	1	0	1	3
9	Gav's Knackers	1	1	0	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	1	0	1	3
10	Grassy @rsed Moochers	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	0	0	1
11	Useless United	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	0	0	1
12	Spayne	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	1	0	0	1	0	1	-1	0
13	The Gallowgate	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	1	0	0	1	0	1	-1	0
14	Buttox Kickers	1	0	0	1	2	3	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	2	3	-1	0
15	Baxter Basics	1	0	0	1	1	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	2	-2	0
16	Rik's Rovers	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	2	0	0	1	0	2	-2	0
17	Shilbottle WMC	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	2	0	0	1	0	2	-2	0
18	Kiwi's Kloons	1	0	0	1	0	3	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	3	-3	0
19	Real Zaragossy	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	4	0	0	1	0	4	-4	0
20	FC Jumpers for Goalposts	1	0	0	1	0	5	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	5	-5	0

Good wins there for Steph, Sounder and Galaxy. Steph's was particularly impressive as such a comprehensive away win.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2001

Answers

Crap! Arse! Tit! There's always something to go wrong...

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2001

BBS Corinthian League Next Fixtures

Home Team	Result	Away Team
Proper Lard Unathletic	vs	Baxter Basics
Real Zaragossy	vs	Lutwyche Wanderers FC
Rik's Rovers	vs	Buttox Kickers
Shilbottle WMC	vs	Collingwood's Monuments
Spayne	vs	Crazy Canucks
Steph's Superstars	vs	Daily Toon Part Timers
The Gallowgate	vs	Douglas Boys
Useless United	vs	FC Jumpers for Goalposts
Willington Quay Old Girls Eleven	vs	Gav's Knackers
Kiwi's Kloons	vs	Grassy @rsed Moochers

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2001

Woohoo!!! Off to a winning start.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2001

Yippee!! Now I know why there was an earthquake in Seattle today! Softie - you made the earth move for me!

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

Softie - you made the earth move for me! (Or was that really an earthquake in Seattle today?

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

Sorry about the double - system told me the first one got lost.

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

Oh well- could be worse I suppose.

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

What a start! Beaten 3-0 at home by Galaxy's team without a goalkeeper!

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

Hard lines Kiwi, apparently Beardo stood in to cover the emergency.

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

That's obviouls where Keegan went wrong. He didn't fully ustilise his attacking options!

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

Have the Superstars peaked too soon? Can we sustain this magnificent position? Probably not!

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

Will the real Buttocks Kickers please stand up, please stand up.

And who's the crazy Canuks?

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

Sorry Rik, Canucks are mine, a mixture of South Americans with dodgy passports (Canadian ones are easy to get) and a few misplaced frogs from La Belle Province (Quebec). I do beleive that beating your lot will be the high point in the season.

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2001

A-ha. Played one, won one. I think I'll go and celebrate.

-- Anonymous, March 03, 2001

Screach The Buttocks Kickers are Elliots selection. Don't know if he has any goalkeepers, so you may be lucky......in the footballing sense.

-- Anonymous, March 04, 2001

With the last Christening guests having been removed from under the tables and off the chandeliers in our Willington Quay mansion, we should have the next match published tonight. I'll tinker with the format to put the managers' names on, but the sheets are getting a bit big.

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2001

Oi, TGJ, I'm not easily offended, but you've managed it twice in one posting! First of all, getting me muxed ip with Rik. I've killed for less. Secondly, if you didn't mean that, then the only other meaning I can draw is that you're describing me as "Screach the Buttocks Kicker" - a libel (or is it slander when "said" on the internet??) if ever I heard/saw one. Besides, I'm sure you've never seen me play football. You'll be hearing from my layer, er, solicitor, er, legal representative in due course.

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2001

Screach

A letter of apology wrapped in warm chip papers is being forwarded as we write. My solicitors, Messrs Grabbit & Run, will contact you with the figures for an out of Court settlement soon.

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2001