Marriage in the new Century

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Hello,

I have been married for the 10 years and have 3 beautifull young girls. My wife has decided to leave me stipulating that she had to rethink her future ! Actually their an other man.. This has been the second time. the first she had unfaithfull to me 4 yrs. ago and I gave forgiveness.

No today, I only ask for us to come to understand why this has come about and invest in making a last run. I have vowed to do so during my wedding ceremony .. But no. My life will never be the same again, I have never ever dream and losing this familly. I don't understand that our society of ours accepts this !!!!!! I have no choice, my children will question the commitements of marriage and I will have to live in the shadow of my dream, that is or was a united familly.

My question to you all ? What is marriage and what it is worth when eveybody seems to take the easier way out when things are more difficult ?

Thank you,

Pierre Lebrun ( Canada )

-- Pierre Lebrun (pierrelebrun@videotron.ca), February 26, 2001

Answers

Dear Pierre,
If I could console you I would. If I could have consoled my Australian friend after his little daughter was killed in an auto accident I would have. He lost faith in God, because he couldn't believe a just God could allow that to happen. It is tragic, I know.

But millions of fathers and mothers do not lose their children in accidents that way. And millions of wives and husbands are true to one another all their lives. It isn't ''everyone'' that fails in marriage. It only seems that way to the poor victim. If this happens to you, it is a 100% chance. That's the hardest thing to accept, that you're singled out to suffer.

But have courage. Pierre, there is a loving God, and he knows your sacrifice. Let Him know you wish His Divine Will be done; and pray for your wife. Let her go, and go on with your life.

May I suggest that NOTHING in this life is unbearable, no matter how bitter. It is passing. Those are the words of Sta. Teresa de Avila. ''Let nothing perturb you; everything is passing.''

If God permitted a sinner to make you unhappy, so be it. But that sinner can't KEEP you unhappy. Your daughters will know you're a good man. They'll make you happy; and God will send you strength to survive. You are being tested, and you mustn't fail. My Australian friend ended up dying in a mental institution in England. He had no faith in God. That's much more tragic, I feel, than losing the wife you loved. Nothing in this world is permanent, anyway. But God will love you for all eternity. Have faith in Him!

-- eugene c. chavez (chavezec@pacbell.net), February 26, 2001.


Jmj

Eugene, may the Lord reward you for your kind words and good advice in these troubled times for Pierre.

Dear Pierre,
You asked, "What is marriage and what is it worth ...?" If you would like to reflect on the Catholic Sacrament of Marriage, you may be able to find helpful words in the writings of the bishops found here.

And I think that you will find consolation in Pope John Paul's 1984 Apostolic Letter, Salvifici Doloris (The Christian Meaning of Suffering), written just a few years after his own great experience of physical suffering, the assassination attempt.
Finally, many people have been helped through difficult times by reading the Book of Job, the patiently suffering man.

You can be sure that many who read this thread will be praying for you and especially your daughters, who need and deserve a stable home with two parents. May the Holy Family help you to resolve this situation.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (
jgecik@desc.dla.mil), February 26, 2001.




-- (_@_._), February 26, 2001.

Pierre:

My heart goes out to you for what you must be going through. Life certainly isnít easy at times. When problems hit close to home suddenly, they can be more difficult to deal with due to their unexpectancy. I would like to make a few suggestions you may find helpful. You asked the question, why does society accept these events in our lives. Those in society who believe in committment, love - until-death-do-us-part, and unselfish giving among partners, do not accept and never will accept, the notion that it is okay to move on in life everytime people and events around us arenít living up to our expectations. But, given the circustances imposed on you, there are certain actions you should be considering.

First, and foremost, YOU MUST PRAY! Prayer does many things. It re- opens that highway to God the evil one has temporarily closed using the pain you are suffering right now. Prayer will re-focus your attention on your overall purpose in life. It re-emphasizes your goals, your priorities: salvation, your responsibility to your children as friend and father, your responsibility to the rest of your family members and to others like your employer. Pray regularly! If you find praying difficult you can try doing it in different ways; pray the rosary, read scripture, attend daily mass for awhile. All these things help one to remain focused in trying times.

Your children will get through this, but the speed and completeness with which they do will have a lot to do with how they perceive you are handling the problem. Encourage them to talk about it, donít stifle them when the matter is mentioned and always tie it in with your love for them. You can take a bad make a good of it. The difficulty you are experiencing can strengthen your bond with your children if you use it correctly. It will help you deal with the problem while you continue with your life, because fortunately you have not stopped breathing. It only feels that way at times. Prayer will remind you of all of the gifts your God has given you, your three daughters, your family, your friends, etc. If prayer formed a bigger part of family life I dare say, these sorts of problems would be far less prevalent. One in fifteen hundred marriages ends in divorce where the family attends church regularly and where the family regularly prays together. This is a telling statistic in a decadent society when one considers the rate of separation in North America today of all couples who are ďin an arrangementĒ is creeping up over fifty percent. Prayer can make you more receptive to how God wants you to deal with this. It can also bring you closer to Him and help you reconcile the bitterness you might feel right now toward Him and others.

Secondly, you must get to a priest and talk to him about this. His experience in these matters will be of great help and consolation to you. You are not alone in your pain. Did you know Our Lord is hurting as much over this as you are right now? He, along with, Mary Our Blessed Mother, and all the saints both living and dead are affected by this. When pain and suffering are afflicted on anyone of us we all feel it in in ways we will only understand fully in the life hereafter. Godís Church is a communion, a union, of people. When one is sick the entire union is affected by the illness.

St. Augustine said some of us will be asked to pay our temporal punishment due for sins committed, right here on earth. Pain and suffering can be used to help Jesus in His mission of redemption. Take your pain and suffering and put it at the foot of the Cross. That day on Calvary, when Jesus bowed His head and died, He was thinking of your pain, not His. He did it for you. Can you help to ease His pain a bit by offering to share yours with Him? St. Paul says we ďfill upĒ what is lacking in the passion of Jesus. In our own pain and suffering we makeup for what Jesus could not suffer because of His divinity.

You may not know it but you have a responsibility to Jesus. In marriage our faith teaches us there is a union of three beings, not two. In the covenant of marriage there is one man and one woman and one God, Jesus. A marriage is a threesome and when one of the three partners decides to abandon it, the covenant is no less binding to the other two.

Pierre, life isnít over for you, it is only beginning. Real life isnít about this life. It is about eternity and using this life the best way we know how, to prepare for the next one. I would suggest you take things easy for awhile. Don't make any major decisions for a couple of weeks. Our Lord will let you know what He wants from you. Please don't succumb to what most people do and blame Him for all the misery in this world. We know pain, suffering and death was a result of the disobedience of Adam and Eve. Our Lord, however, uses opportunities like this to sculpt us into something more beautiful and holy. We can all benefit from some of the experiences we go through, even the tough ones, they can be sanctifying. Keep a positive attitude. Seek out the company of good friends and family, they can be a supportive. Use the next couple of weeks for reflection and prayer. Get in touch with Jesus and I can assure you, you will feel much better in a the near future.

Bonne chance mon ami! (I hope I spelled all of that correctly, my french is atrocious!) This Easter can have a very special meaning for you if you let it. Have a blessed and peaceful one. Rest assured you are in our prayers.

St. James and Mary Our Blessed Mother, help us in our actions to deal with whatever Our Gracious God will appoint and as always, pray for us!

Ed - A fellow Canadian!!!



-- Ed Lauzon (grader@accglobal.net), February 28, 2001.


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