God help us, but spring break is almost upon us once again and at the end of next month my family and I are going to flee the barren wastes of the northern latitudes and head for sunny beaches in Florida.

If you two were tourists heading to your state what would you feel that you simply couldn't or wouldn't want to miss out on. We are thinking of heading to the Cocoa Beach area and of course will have to visit ONE of the Disney parks (which one would you suggest).

Keep in mind that we wil only be there for five or six days. Also keep in mind that I will be traveling with my wife and kids so lets keep it at least at the PG level of entertainment. I know that this might constrain you in your suggestions of options Unk but maybe I can take your preferred tour by myself at another time.

I pick on you two as you are the only ones I know are from Florida. If anyone else has suggestions please jump in. Your advice will be greatly appreciated.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmetnconspiracy@NWO.com), February 22, 2001

Answers

Trust Unk for good advice. Mine, unsolicited, is that first you leave the boots at home.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), February 22, 2001.

You ask to keep it PG so I won't comment.

-- Manny (No@dip.com), February 22, 2001.

Carlos,

Despite my reputation I wouldn't think of stomping into Unk's territory with my boots on. I'll just leave them in the snow drift outside the back door.

Besides, I think I will enjoy feeling warm sand between my toes!

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), February 22, 2001.

Welcome on down Jack. Hope whatever dates get fixed or our Eastie get together fit for you.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), February 22, 2001.

I don't know anything about Cocoa Beach, but we went down one year with the kids and rented a condo in one of those towns near Disneyworld. That was a REAL money-saver for us, as we could cook, do laundry, tour Disneyworld and Epcot, and return to a really nice place that had everyone in the same "home". MGM studios and Sea- World are also nearby. That's a lot right there for a five-six day trip.

I have fond memories of that trip [outside of getting sick on that simulator ride]. The kids were in that 7-8-9 year old range, and really respected the accommodations. It was the first time that I really noticed that they listened to what I said. [grin] I said, "You need to be packed and ready to leave by ...", and all three of them were lined up and packed and ready to leave at that time. I did the inspection of their rooms and found beds made, absolutely NO trash left around, etc.

It was probably five years later that we went to Norway and visited my Aunt on a rainy day. I wouldn't point this out had it not been drawn to my attention by my aunt, but when it came time to leave her home, I said, "Okay...let's get moving...gather your stuff [which was mostly in her bathroom, as we'd come during a rainstorm]." As I stood up to gather my OWN stuff, my aunt remarked, "I've never seen kids move so quickly. Usually they hem and haw, and make excuses."

Duh...I don't "get it" either. I just know that the first time I saw it was during the Disneyworld trip....to that condo.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), February 22, 2001.

You mean, they might actually learn something this trip? Now that would convince me of Unk's power.

Manny,

Thanks for your consideration.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), February 22, 2001.

To be quite honest with you I avoid "Mickey's Evil Empire" like the plague. Ol' Mike Eisner and his cronies have perfected the art of pocket vacuuming to the nth degree, and Orlando has become a traffic nightmare. WARNING, I-4 at rush hour is to be avoided at all costs! Repeat, avoid I-4 at rush hour!! In fact avoid driving in Orlando at all if possible.

When my brother takes his kids over there they stay at one of the Didney resorts, pricey yes, but you can go anywhere via bus or shuttle services, a real bonus. He seemed to enjoy that Animal Kingdom or whatever the hell it is called very much, and you cannot really go wrong as far as entertaining the young tykes no matter which park you choose. And you WILL have to choose, it would take six months to explore every tourist trap in Orlando.

BTW, Cocoa Beach is a good choice. Not a zoo like Miami or Lauderdale, and since it is so close to the Space Center you ought to take the Tour. Also check NASA's launch schedule to see if a Shuttle launch will occur during your visit. THAT my friend, would be a sight you will never forget.

You might want to check out the St Johns river area if you like boating and such, there are areas for canoeing and Manatee watching.

Most of the other sights to see that I am aware of are in South Florida, not that this means much what to do in central FL, but that is the direction we usually head for fun. Depending upon how much driving you want to do definately check out an airboat ride through the Everglades. Loud but fun, the Glades are amazing, just be sure to use lots of bug repellant. And while Key West has a reputation for being a party town, there are more and more families visiting there, and there are a lot of things for families to do together in the Keys. The Keys are the real Florida, IMHO.

When we are in a new area of FL what the Mrs and I usually do is go to that little stand in the hotel lobby, you know, the one with brochures from all of the local places of interest. Then we see what's up, and what looks fun, and wing it from there.

Enjoy your visit! But please go home when you are done, don't move here. Thank you!

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), February 22, 2001.

Wonder why why Unk likes Cocoa Beach so much? That town is nude dancer central. One place after another, 24 hours a day. The "near beer" is served in frosted mugs. Not bad.

So sayeth Frommer's Guide to Cheap Thrills & Microbial Infections on Under $50/Day.

-- Just Another Flying Sheep (howe9@shentel.net), February 22, 2001.

Wakiva Springs is a cool place to take kids. It's a state park where the spring comes gushing up, and from there, the water goes down stream a couple hundred feet to a pool. You can snorkel down the stream , and into the pool, which is 5-20' deep. I would guess that it's 5-7 miles ne of Orlando.

-- KoFE (your@town.USA), February 22, 2001.

Unk-

Have you ever read Carl Hiaasen's "Mousechwitz"?

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (tarzan@swingingthroughthejunglewithouta.net), February 22, 2001.

I, like Unk, would avoid Disney altogether, unless you have little ones. Universal is pretty neat, good 3D, spiderman. Of course if it's sand then stay at the beach. Long walks along the shore line really relax me. Bush gardens is nearby, also relaxing and not as crowded as the other parks. But these areas are not as close as you might think; the drive may be up to two hours. Five days is definitely not enough. Just a suggestion, pick a spot and stay there.

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), February 22, 2001.

JBT

What Unk said about the Keys. Truly one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Islamorada is my personal favorite.

FYI - I-4 is closed around Polk City due to fires. They MAY get it reopened this weekend. Pretty ugly down that way now. Very DRY.

Ya might want to check out St Augustine on the way down (I-95 runs right by it). Plenty of touristy things to do there. GREAT restaurants and a fun night life.

I'm not sure when Spring Training ends, but Vero Beach might be worth a looksee.

Disneyworld can be fun, but in mid-spring, it WILL BE PACKED.

Hope the weather treats ya right while your here!

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), February 22, 2001.

Unc gave me some wonderful advice regarding the Bahama Cruise I took.

Unfortunately I wasnt 'too well' after the 1st beach party but those who did go to the place unc suggested were VERY PLEASED.

Now IF I could only remember the name of the place. I think it was Nauticus or something, but I'm probably wrong.

LOL........Unc, come on help me out here I'm looking purty silly bout now.

My point is....take unc's advice. :-)

-- the Brat (shh@aol.con), February 22, 2001.

I agree with the advice posted! If your focus is going to be a Disney park, stay on site and skip renting a vehicle -- there are plenty of shuttles, even from the airport. If you're not that interested in the park gig, avoid Orlando and see some of the other sights.

I'm not a Disney fan. I like the Tampa/St. Pete area. Clearwater beach is nice and not too crowded, and there are a fair number of affordable sit down restaurants that serve great seafood. There may even be some family-type things to do, but when I go, it's mainly to lie on the beach and stuff myself with fresh fish.

-- kb (kb8um8@yahoo.com), February 22, 2001.

Try bargaining with God when the time comes to pick your next gig. Sounds like being a seal would be perfect for ya, kb.

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), February 22, 2001.

Brat,

The 'place' is called The Atlantis Resort and Casino.

Ape Dude,

I enjoy Hiaason's books very very much. He is a funny man, and a great story teller. He really captures that goofy Florida attitude like nobody else I've read. Laurence Shames is not too shabby either, but he doesn't quite do it as well as Carl does. Also, for great pulp mystery Florida Keys reading check out James W. Hall for sure, his books are not upbeat humor like the two above, but he gets the seedy side of the Keys just right and tells a great story.

Oh yeah, back to my point, no, I haven't read that one. I understand it is highly critical of Disney, but in my case he would be preaching to the choir. How was it, worth checking out anyway?

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), February 22, 2001.

Rich,

I think that I was a seal in my last life!

What did I do that so po'd the Great One that I ended up an IT worker in Ohio??

-- kb (kb8um8@yahoo.com), February 22, 2001.

Word has last time around you were dissin' Inuits, kb. So the Big Guy placed you where you would have to root for the Indians. He likes to turn the tables, ya know? ;)

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), February 22, 2001.

LOL, Rich! And with that, I'm off for a long weekend.

Good luck planning your trip, JBT! Check out the "unofficial" guide to WDW if you want some tips on seeing everything painlessly. Seems like there are a couple of guides like that. I read one **after** I had visited Walt's Kingdom, and I honestly wish I had done more research. YMMV ... I just dislike crowds and only did the Disney thing to say I'd done it once.

-- (kb8um8@yahoo.com), February 22, 2001.

Rosie O'Grady's! It's in Orlando

-- (cin@cin.cin), February 22, 2001.

Rosie O'Grady. She's a regular old fashioned girl. Bugs Bunny seems to think so.

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), February 22, 2001.

Rich, uh...I think you mean goil =)

-- (cin@cin.cin), February 22, 2001.

I haven't been around to check in for the last couple days, but i am glad to see the responses.

Don't worry Unk, we will be leaving. I wouldn't think of moving to Florida. Too many chads hanging around I hear.

Anyway thanks for the hints. With the kids along I don't see any way out of going to one of the parks. I think Universal Studios will be it.

Deano, I am surprised that checking out the Jackson Beach Tigers (? your little league team) in spring training is not on your list.

Especially thanks for driving tips. I'm not used to a lot of traffic out here in the sticks and I am not looking forward to that part of the trip at all. (Note avoid I-4 at rush hour at all costs.)

Again thank you all for your input. Feel free to chime in again.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), February 25, 2001.

LOL, cin! I typed it goil, but for the sake of readability I changed it to the correct spelling.

-- Rich (howe9@shentel.net), February 25, 2001.

JBT

LOL. I thought about suggesting that for your itinerary. We play in the Jax Beach Babe Ruth league (11-12 yr old - The Giants). Opening day is this Saturday (3/3). Finally!!

Ya really ought to consider St Augustine. The bayfront area in the old city is pretty damned nice. World Golf Village is in the neighborhood too (right on I95).

It was 80 degrees here yesterday........

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), February 26, 2001.

Rub it in, Deano. We're barely breaking 40s, here. But at least the sun is out and sunsut isn't until 6:00 pm. I have an hour of daylight or so when I get home from work.

-- (kb8um8@yahoo.com), February 26, 2001.

kb

Dude, it has been perfect around here lately. 40-50 in the morning and 65-80 in the afternoon. But it gets dark too damned early.....

The good news is - DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME is right around the corner!!

There is a God......

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), February 26, 2001.

Deano,

Completely off topic, but I'm wondering ... are you the same Deano who used to post in Compuserve's Religion forum? The guy who plays bass and all that?

I seem to remember he was from Florida.

-- Stephen M. Poole (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), February 26, 2001.

Stephen

Nope, not me. My home ISP is Compuserve but have never visited that particular forum.

I can play a mean air-bass and I can almost play a kazoo.....

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), February 27, 2001.