(Davy's wine bar Chilean). Am in gooooood mooooood. Who now wants to go to the vortual pub, beraing in mind that I'm now on shooters.

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2001

Answers

Well 1030am is a bit early but seeing as the big boss won't be around today and I've nothing better to do.....I'll have 1 of whatever you're having. %-)

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2001

Look don't encorage me, I am trying to give up booze . As you will all no doubt have realised by now I am an evening alcoholic. Every night for the last 15 years (of married life) I've had a drink or six every night. I'm a bit worried about my health so as I say, i'm gonna quit. Last two nights I've had just a couple of glasses of wine rather than the whole bottle, So dougal, I'll have a Whiskey and Orange without the whiskey or a Vodka and Russian with the Vodka.

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2001

Ah, nibbles.

Witnessed a great "pub moment" in Canterbury a few years' back. Don't know about the rest of you, but I am strangely drawn towards things like Save the Whales, Tree Protection and Historical re-enactment societies but get put off by the first class wankers who hijak the things and cannot keep a proper perspective on things. You know, normal people trying to save a bit of woodland and the next thing there's some tit dressed up as "The Spirit of Spring" trying to force you to hug the bloody things and you suddenly feel like getting your chainsaw from the garage?

Anyways, there was this chap from the pro-Royalist Sealed Knot society who joined in with English Civil War re-enactments and this guy simply didn't know when to stop. Always mincing about in top- boots with breeches and boublet and usually with an empty scabbard since the police had asked him nicely to desist from carrying a dangerous weapon about. This utter knob, who was preventing me from running about being silly at the weekends in case he started talking to me or something, was generally referred to as De'Artagnan and he swaggered into my local one beautiful Summer's evening. It was one of those early Summer nights when there is a smell of magic and whiff of sexuality in the air and everyone seems to have a smile and a twinkle in the eye. This does not lend itself to some fancy-dress twat deluding himself that it is the Seventeenth Century. Up to the bar he strode:

D'Artagnan: "Evening Landlord. Methinks I'll have a foaming jack of your finest ale."

Landlord: "Fuck off."

Perhaps you had to be there, but it was one of the three finest examples of that particular piece of profanity that it has ever been my privilege to hear.

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2001

Ooo! I'll have you outside right now, SIR!

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2001

Forsooth! Zounds! Gadzooks! Odd's Bodkin! Have at thee, Sirrah, I'll plant 3 feet of cold steel in your gizzard to make you watch that tongue you Varlet! etc etc etc

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2001

Toadspotted traitors, the pair of you.

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2001

Softie
Just come across this, trying to catch up, having been AWOL since last Wednesday, so, out of curiosity, what were the other two ? :-))

-- Anonymous, February 26, 2001

One of them was Tony Richardson as undercover drug squad officer to Alexi Sayle as a traffic cop in the Comic Strip film "The Supergrass". If you've seen it you'll probably remember the scene.

The other one was the only time I've ever frightened anybody (intentionally). Fellow had been winding me up but took it too far and didn't remember that you have to watch out for the quiet ones. Hate to have done his laundry :-)

-- Anonymous, February 26, 2001

Or is he called Ian Richardson? Bugger! Can't remember. Definitely the best actor in the Comic Strip and wrote most of the scripts as well as directing quite a few of them.

-- Anonymous, February 26, 2001