I saw the Vagina Monologues performed last night (on Vagina Day, February 14) and now I wish I had taken every woman in the world with me. Have any of you seen this show? What's the last thing you read or saw or heard that made you stop and say "Dammit, vaginas rock! And I rock because I have one!" Or what motivates you to take action to promote the well being of other women, to stop violence against women?

Do you talk about your vagina? Do you talk to your vagina? Do you talk to your daughters about their vaginas, or to your sons about vaginas? What do you call it?

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Answers

I've been thinking about female reproductive organs wayyyy too much since my mom's hysterectomy last Friday. She asked me to do some web research for her and I saw some pictures I really wish I hadn't seen. But yeah, I'm all about Womyn Power and talking about periods and stuff.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

"...*beep*.....in order to provide better SERVICE, this conversation may be monitored or recorded.....*beep*....."

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

I realized last night how very little attention I actually do pay to my vagina. And how not-so-terrible the word "cunt" is, although I won't be able to use it with the force I once did, because now it just seems like the word "toothbrush" to me.

I've always referred to it as a na-na, not because I'm squeamish about saying vagina, but just because. I think I'll stop that now.

Sometimes I need a kick in the ass like last night to remind me to do more, say more, and think more about how incredible it is to be a woman. And to try harder to be part of the sisterhood, and be more active in the prevention of violence against women.

It's all really important to me. I believe women are frightened of one another, and I don't notice that problem with men...which probably helped them get into the position of running the world now...dammit. I think it's amazingly important to talk openly and plainly about the parts of us that make us female. It seems like every woman I know has problems with her ovaries or her endometrial lining or her cervix. It's been such a blessing to me to find out that other women have the same issues going on as I do, same symptoms, and same fears. Talking, man, I think that's the answer!

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Bubba, you always crack me up. You can start a penis thread, or cable or rope or 12 inch pipe or .....I just do day to day stuff as far as violence against women go. Mainly, just trying to keep myself safe and teaching my daughter how to do the same. Since I've had plently of personal experience I try to help someone if I see an immediate need.

I stay real objective and clinical when I talk to my 8 year old daughter about body parts, vagina is vagina. We've looked around with a mirror. I always thought men named their penises more frequently than women named their what-you-ma-call-its, (um, Bubba, any "pet" names?) I don't spend any more time talking to my vagina than my ear, except that one is much lonelier than the other.

I don't think my mom knows anything about her private parts. She was disgusted that I chose to use tampons. The funny thing about my daughter is that we are around gay and transgendered people pretty frequently, and that has been simple for me to explain, "most girls like boys, and boys like girls, but some girls like girls and boys like boys" and "imagine being born a girl but feeling in your head your whole life that you should be a boy." But, I can't seem to find the right words for heterosexual sex. So I do this routine, "Mom, how can she have a baby if she isn't married?"..."we'll talk about it in the car." Then when we get to the car, she has forgotten she's asked and I change the subject. I *promise* I'll explain it, um before she has a chance to find out on her own.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

My vagina doesn't have a name, but "Muffy" has a nice ring to it. Maybe one day I will christen it that...you know, if it ever starts getting personal phone calls and letters or needs to apply for a credit card or something. Or perhaps "Virginia". Virginia the Vagina. Hee. :)

We're on good terms. No major disagreements. I don't generally bring my vagina up in casual conversation, and it is not much of a conversationalist. I have no kids, ergo no reason to worry about Birds and Bees stuff yet. I would probably prefer not to use slang for body parts with kids, but I'm not so sure what to do about body functions. (A three year old saying "Mater, I must go urinate now. Where might I find a washroom? Would you mind accompanying me to said washroom so that I might be able to reach the locks on the stall and the faucet handles? I do detest germs and being surprised when going about my personal elimination business..." v. "Mummy, I hafta go potty now! MOM! I gotta tinkle!"...well, which one is worse?)

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Here are a couple of the questions women were evidently asked in the interviews for the monologues:

If your vagina was dressed, what would it be wearing?

If your vagina could talk, what would it say? (two words)

The answers were hilarious! But not one vagina said "Fuck you", which was the first thing I thought of.

So...if my vagina wore clothes, I think she'd wear a flannel jammy set, with shorts instead of long pants, and big fuzzy slippers.

If my vagina could speak, I think she'd say "eat your yoghurt!".

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

"Eat your yogurt?" Right...and you can tell her to quit spitting her's out on the bed covers.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Bubba - who the what now?

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Bubba, eating yoghurt helps prevent yeast infections. I don't think there is anything that irritates my vagina more than a yeast infection.

Irritates...get it? It's a vagina joke. Come on, it wasn't that bad.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Yeah, I know. I was just kidding about peter tracks. But I shouldn't joke. Vaginas are serious business. Truly. Women should take an active interest in the modern trend to not circumcise male infants at birth. There is medical evidence that the bacteria which CAN grow under the foreskin contributes to gynecological problems in their sex partners.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Yeah, I know. I was just kidding about peter tracks. But I shouldn't joke. Vaginas are serious business. Truly. Women should take an active interest in the modern trend to not circumcise male infants at birth. There is medical evidence that the bacteria which CAN grow under the foreskin contributes to gynecological problems in their sex partners. See, I can be serious.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

"Virginia"? Milla, I once heard Beavis and Butthead mispronounce vagina as Virginia and that's what I thought of when you suggested it as a possible name. How distracting. :-)

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

I think I'll name mine 'Nicole'. After all the trouble those beavers have caused, I think it's time one honoured her.

(Oh my God, I am so so so sorry. I just couldn't resist.)

And yeah Bubba, but if you teach your kid to clean properly by pulling the foreskin back and washing everything, then he should be ok. When little mister has a bath it's part of the routine. "Ears, neck, hair and penis. Checkaroonie."

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

I think mine would wear a sexy bikini. And sunbathe a lot.

It doesn't have a name, but I'm thinkin' mebbe "Princess" or "Your Highness"....

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

My vagina is a forgotten creature - my mother called it my peeper while growing up, now whenever i hear that "Jeepers, Creepers" song I want to throw up.

Um, mine would wear a frumpy librarian-type outfit with glasses. However, you know that it would be sexy once ditched the glasses and put on some decnet clothes - does that make sense?

I'm not really that comfortable with it - hopefully that is something I can change.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Mine would wear a cheap, fuchsia, slinky, polyester dress with spaghetti straps. Its name would be Rhonda and it would say "Hi, sailor."

See, mine's not ashamed.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

What fun! I think I'll call mine Jane Thomas, Willamina, or Captain Vagina. I'll let you very very odd people know when the decision has been made.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

Deb - ha!

I usually call my vagina "cootchie," and call the ob/gyn the "cootchie doctor." I've never thought of giving it a proper name. I'll have to think about that now...

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

I'm surprised that no one has said the "P" word. hehe I feel so dirty.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

Pussy Galore.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

OH MY GOD! Nicole said it. Well, anyway...that's what I call mine. I'm so vulgar.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

No you're not! You're a Bond Girl!

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

I am? Oh, wow. What a relief. I feel so sexy now. Excuse me for a moment, while I go create a diversion with my giant boobs.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

Mine would say "I'm lonely." It'd probably be wearing a silky nighty and feeling all sorry for itself.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

"Get her phone number, Parnell. We can write it on the wall next to the pay phone next time we're in The Dirty Shame."

"For a good time call SCRNWRT? I don't think so, Bubba. Kinda skeery soundin'."

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

Hee! Mine would have a lot of different outfits -- probably about 10,000 pairs of comfy running clothes, a couple of little black dresses for special occasions, and, well, a lot of shoes. I like shoes.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

Vertical Smile Joke: A little girl was sent home from school because she forgot her underpants and ran into a couple of little boys. She told them why she had to go home and they offered their milk money if she'd give them a peek. She did, and collected her money and then bought some candy. As she sat on the curb eating it, she peeked under her skirt and said: "You little money-maker, you...if ya had teeth I'd give ya a bite."

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

Bubba, we better be ceerful now. Theysa gone and finded out how much power theyn has had all the time buts didn know it. Damn that writer. Tellin all them pussies they has all the power o' life and death. Me and Mr. Wacker better get ta know each other cause mebe miss wonerful goin byebye soon nuf. Po'r Ruby Palmus goin get blisters. Lumberjack and Mr Wacker

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2001

Just as a Vagina Update, I went to a party last night where there were many of the women who went to the Monologues with our group, and we talked about our vaginas a lot! There was a lot of finger pointing and saying "YOU have a FABULOUS vagina!" Much more "If my vagina could speak, it would say 'What up, girl" to your vagina right now".

It's a vagina revolution. And I'm keeping it up, because when I have a daughter, I don't want to see my partner blushing and stuttering over the word.

I hope you are all celebrating the vagina in your life (that line was for you man...I thought you'd appreciate it).

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2001

Well, Robyn, I celebrate the vagina in MY life every chance I get, I can tell you that! The only time I heard my grandfather use the "P" word, he said, "Women outnumber us on this planet...they control AT LEAST half the money...and ALL THE PUSSY...so it don't really pay to cross 'em."

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2001

My mother called the vagina, 'Tootie Fruitie' and 'Monkey' when I was a child. When my underwear would get holes in it, my mom would say, "Ninna (my childhood nickname), I think your monkey has teeth".

-- Anonymous, February 18, 2001

have you'all seen Boys on the Side, with Whoopi and Drew Barrymore and that skinny white chick with three names? ANyway -- it has a great, liberating scene about what do you call your vagina. Also -- thanks again to SweetJane for the Jeepers Creepers imagery -- our local radio station played it the other day and, you know, the song was transformed for me. Somehow, I don't hate it as much anymore.

-- Anonymous, February 18, 2001

My boobs are far more interesting right now. They've practically tripled in size- I look like I'm about to topple over whenever I stand still. And my vagina got them there, hooray!

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

Captain Vagina??? Is that like (sniff....sniff ) Captain Highliner?

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2001