I posted the following at the end of Maria's spirited thread "For Anita, Pat and anyone who wants to comment". A surprise to me but apparently not everyone is familiar with the classic catch phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut." Patrricia, identified it from an SNL skit of the late 70s, "Point/Counterpoint".

That skit satirized a TV show of the time which featured Conservative James J Kilpatrick debating Liberal Jane Alexander (?). In the SNL version, Kilpatrick was played by Dan Aykroyd and Alexander by Jane Curtin. They took turns slamming each other and Aykroyd always began with the above line.

Here is a transcript of Point/Counterpoint show of 11/11/78. It reads like some of the talk around here.

Dan Aykroyd: Hello. I'm "Weekend Update" Station Manager Dan Aykroyd. This week, the Shah of Iran declared martial law, in an attempt to put a stop to the violent writing which has paralyzed his country. The Shah is the subject of tonight's "Point/Counterpoint". Jane will take the Anti-Shah Point, and I will take the Pro-Shah Counterpoint. Jane?

Jane Curtin: Dan, I know exactly what you're going to say: "Jane, you ignorant slut! The Shah is our friend, he sent us oil during the 70's re-embargo. He's a fighter against Communism." Maybe so, Dan, but what happened to the human rights you scream about every time a Saranski gets sentenced to some Soviet jail? Why is it wrong to torture a dissident and freezing Siberian Gulag, but okay to wire a leftist student's genitals in a baking Tehran dungeon? I only hope that someday someone wires your genitals, Dan. Then you'll be singing a different tune!

Dan Aykroyd: Jane, you poor, misguided scrag! Sure, the Shah's a jerk, but he's all we've got! Just look at the map. To the north, the Soviet Union; to the east and west, Afghanistan and Iraq. Both leftist radical states; and in the south, the Persian Gulf. Any idiot can see that Iran would be a prized stepping stone in an eventual Soviet takeover of the world. And when that happens, Jane, those Cossacks will be coming over here with their broom handle, and we'll see how you'll feel then! Of course, you'd probably love it, you ignorant slut!

Jane Curtin: That's the news. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question is---what were some of your favorite radio/TV/movie routines from days of yore? Transcripts are not required but do earn you bonus points. I remember that Eve has already posted some Monty Python material. If transcripts are long, maybe a link would be more appropriate.

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), February 13, 2001

Answers

"Who's On First" is still one of the funniest routines of all time.

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Abbott: Alright, now whaddya want?

Costello: Now look, I'm the head of the sports department. I gotta know the baseball players' names. Do you know the guys' names?

Abbott: Oh sure.

Costello: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.

Abbott: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names.

Abbott: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean -

Costello: His brother Daffy -

Abbott: Daffy Dean -

Costello: And their cousin!

Abbott: Who's that?

Costello: Goofy!

Abbott: Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the bags - we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Costello: That's what I wanna find out.

Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third -

Costello: You know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Certainly!

Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: I mean the fellow's name!

Abbott: Who!

Costello: The guy on first!

Abbott: Who!

Costello: The first baseman!

Abbott: Who!

Costello: The guy playing first!

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: Now whaddya askin' me for?

Abbott: I'm telling you Who is on first.

Costello: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first!

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who!

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: Have you got a contract with the first baseman?

Abbott: Absolutely.

Costello: Who signs the contract?

Abbott: Well, naturally!

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it.

Costello: Who is?

Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Who's wife?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Abbott: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.

Costello: Now, how did I get on third base?

Abbott: You mentioned his name!

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No - Who's playing first.

Costello: Never mind first - I wanna know what's the guy's name on third.

Abbott: No - What's on second.

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it?

Abbott: What was it you wanted?

Costello: Now who's playin' third base?

Abbott: Now why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: Why? Who am I putting over there?

Abbott: Yes. But we don't want him there.

Costello: What's the guy's name on third base?

Abbott: What belongs on second.

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!

Costello: You got an outfield?

Abbott: Oh yes!

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

Costello: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field.

Abbott: Who is playing fir-

Costello: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name.

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's center field.

Costello: Look, you gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.

Costello: The pitcher's name.

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't wanna tell me today?

Abbott: I'm tellin' you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on fir-

Costello: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on first. I wanna know what's the pitcher's name.

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!

Costello: You got a catcher?

Abbott: Oh, absolutely.

Costello: The catcher's name.

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we've got is a couple of days on the team.

Abbott: Well, I can't help that.

Costello: Well, I'm a catcher too.

Abbott: I know that.

Costello: Now suppose that I'm catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and their heavy hitter gets up.

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball. The batter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!

Abbott: Well, that's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: If I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now who caught it?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: Who caught it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: NO, NO, NO! You throw the ball to first base and Who gets it?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's right. There we go.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: You don't!

Costello: I throw it to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

Abbott: You're not saying it that way.

Costello: I said I throw the ball to Naturally.

Abbott: You don't - you throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally!

Abbott: Well, say that!

Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Ask me.

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: SAME AS YOU!! I throw the ball to first base and who gets it?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: Who has it?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - triple play.

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Another guy gets up - it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn!

Abbott: What was that?

Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), February 13, 2001.

If you want the audio, go here and click the link at the bottom.

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), February 13, 2001.

That's one of mine too.

And for extra credit: What position isn't mentioned?

-- The Engineer (spcengineer@yahoo.com), February 13, 2001.

right field

-- Cherri (jessam5@home.com), February 13, 2001.

Ralph Kramden, with a raised clenched fist, yells at Alice: “One of these days Alice..I’m going to send you to the moon!”

Ya think that would ever make it to the screen today? Jackie would be brought up for spousal abuse.

'Right field' Cherri?

-- Barry (bchbear863@cs.com), February 13, 2001.

Barry, back then if he had hit her, the authorities would have ignored her if she complained. Controlling your temper is difficult for some people, and it takes the threat of legal consequences to cause them to attempt to control it. It is kind of encouraging how social attitudes and peer pressure has managed to change the attitude about spousal abuse and child abuse in the past 20 - 30 years, it works a lot better then legeslating behavior.

-- Cherri (jessam5@home.com), February 13, 2001.

Well, well, Cherri…have we found some common ground? You grasped my point quite well. As TV in the 50’s mirrored acceptable behavior…so it does today. A wonderful treasure of human development for all to see…or not.

-- Barry (bchbear863@cs.com), February 13, 2001.

The attitude toward child abuse has changed so much that you are no longer to discipline your children.

Ever watch one of those Sallyjesserafael shows with the out of control teens and the terrified parents?

-- (cin@cin.cin), February 13, 2001.

Hey, I was an out of control teen (still am) but you may rest assured that my parents were NOT terrified. My folks would have disciplined me more if only I could have been occasionally located:>).

-- Barry (bchbear863@cs.com), February 13, 2001.

Barry, how true! I up and left a number of times.

Back to favs. Best "motivational" speech, Bill Crystal, City Slickers to his son's class: Your twenties are a blur. In your thirties you marry and have kids. In your forties you wonder what happened to your thirties. And it goes on to In your fifties, you'll have surgury. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgury... You eat dinner at 2 in the afternoon... A nurse, your wife hates, but you call mamma.

By the end of the speech, the kids have this stare while the teacher is trying to force a smile.

The other scene I love comes from Spaceballs when they played the movie during the movie... What the hell am I looking at? Your looking at now, sir; everything happening now is happening now. What happen to then? We past it. When? Just now... Go back to then. We cant'. My kids know it be heart; my memory isn't that good.

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), February 14, 2001.

Maria

Loved Spaceballs!!!

"Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?!"

What a hillarious movie.....

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), February 14, 2001.