Are most of your friends of the same or the opposite sex? Do you think poorly of people who only have friends of the opposite sex?

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

Answers

Most of my friends are the same sex. I don't think poorly of people who only have friends of the opposite sex. But I do think most of them are females at engineering schools or females in male dominated disciplines.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

Yeah, but which of your male friends wouldn't mind holding your hair out of the way while you puke in a toilet?

(a female friend of mine told me that -- I'm sure she stole it from a movie or book, or maybe it some common saying I'm just not familiar with --)

(I'm not quite on same page -- as usual--but I have no real opinion on the question anyway)

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

Same-sex friends are a problem. After a certain point in one's late 20s, having close male friends leads people to assume you're gay. Even being seen with a group of male friends causes women to assume you're "immature" or whatever the current female code word is for guys who arn't busily marrying them and spending time only with one's wife. Opposite-sex friends at least give you social cover when you're out; people assume she's your date. But opposite-sex friends get to be a problem, too. If she's clever and fun, sooner or later you'll wonder what sex would be like with her-- and that leads only to humiliation and rejection and failure.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

Cory, I have to admit I don't know what you're getting at with the "holding your hair while you puke" quote. I'd like to think that any of my good friends would do that for me, male or female. Do you think same-sex or opposite-sex friends are more likely to do that?

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

I always worry about this too... I've had mostly male friends since Junior High, and even chose at age 18 to go to a women's college partly in an effort to rectify this situation. And yet my best friends are still mostly guys. Somewhat like Jen, I think this is because I relate to people in a primarily masculine way--that is, extremely straight-forward, let's all go out and eat a lot of food while joking about current events and talking about what we've been reading. Girl relationships and conversations seem to have so many layers. What is said and done is not necessarily what's meant. With guys there are never "misunderstandings," "hurt feelings," and "sure I said that but I didn't mean it" problems.
Also, I hate what I think of as components of "girl friendships": gossiping, shopping together, chatting on the phone (I HATE talking on the phone), discussing guys or body image or Ally McBeal, "sharing" feelings. Girl friendships seem much more intimate in a way I don't like. I think that, for all my heartiness, I'm a rather reserved person. .....................

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

Uh, humiliation and rejection and failure, OR happy loving relationship success. All of my relationships that were meaningful evolved out of friendships, and in most cases, the friendship has endured long after the romantic aspect dissolved.

I find that I have mostly female friends for the same reason jen mentioned having male friends- I feel a more honest connection, with less bullshit. Is this a competition thing? Do you think same-sex folks would feel that they were letting their guard down to a rival by dropping the BS shield? (if we can assume that it is not, then, an inherent characteristic of either sex to be in/sincere)

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

Oh, I don't that one is more likely than the other-- I guess it's a metaphor, sort of, for who you can count on when things aren't going well.

After all, when times are good, everyone hangs around.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

I used to have only male friends, but around 1997, I started developing friendships with females. I love them. They're bitchy and hormonal at times, but for the most part, very loving and supportive. I call them up to gripe and complain. We share stories. It's wonderful. Most of them have moved away, but the phone and email keeps us in touch.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

Most of my friends are of the same sex. I've never met a female yet that didn't end up being a hypocrite (or worse) over time.... One day I'd like to have just one girl friend that I can trust and be able to call "best friend". Sad but true.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

That post about never meeting a gal who wasn't a hypocrite made me laugh - I don't 'spose you're including Renee in that group?

I feel more comfortable around women. Usually I can smile or say something wity/charming and get my way. But I have male friends too. Of course that owes a lot to my interest in playing team sports. All in all, I think I'm not really into being very close friends with anyone of either sex. I'm a loner like that.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

I tend to be a loner, although at times I'm not pleased with this aspect of my personality. I can't answer whether I have more friends of the same or opposite sex since I don't have a lot of friends, period. I have been spending more time with women these days, though. People in general fascinate and frustrate me. It's great to be able to be really intimate with women, but then again, a lot of female friendships can get intense and it can be too much, since I am a private person. Guys are okay if you just want to have something casual, but I have a harder time understanding them and their motives. I find that a number of guys say things that are the opposite of what they intend. Like the infamous line, "I'll call you", after a date. It often means the guy has no intention of ever speaking to you ever again.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

I tend not to like men. I also tend to like women too much. Hence, I tend to have few friends of either gender, but the ones I do have are very close.

I find that a lot of women don't like other women. Most claim that they find other women catty and immature. Most men I know have mostly male friends. I'm pretty much the exception around here.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

Looking through my address book I see have an equal split between male and female friends. I'm inclined to say I have an easier time making friends with women than men, but I don't feel it's because I prefer less straightforward interactions or that that sort of interaction is more likely found with male friends. I think it's because we have a shared experience of growing up female that I relate to females more quickly. Obviously I don't have trouble finding males to relate to, though.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Jennifer-

I think that it is having too many friends of the opposite sex is very unhealthy. One or both usually have some romantic motivation. Plus having a lot of men around you will scare away potential mates.

Men are very jealous by nature. If they see that a woman hangs out with a lot of men, then she will be far less attractive. You have to take into consideration the way that men see things and not just the way we see them.

The fact that you hang around with so many men explains why you are not yet married and will probably not marry very soon.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Ha!

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

I'll bet a barrelfull of doubloons against a piece of pig shit that this does not go unanswered.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

I dunno, I didn't really think it needed an answer.

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2001

Almost all my friends are of opposite sex. And for me its really relaxing and can sort out almost all the problems which come across my life(including personnel problems), and by being with them ,i really don't know what to say. but they are really great friends.And i don't think it's poorly for them to have friends of the opposite sex

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2001

real male friendship exist, tolerance, competition make it all spice up....

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

Well I have no friends {well one but she is always traveling all over the world so it is hard to keep in touch} but when I did, male friends were always very stand offish or wanted to date me. Female friends were alot easier. Fewer let on if they wanted to date me but we had closer relationships. It's like we could get down to another level of ourselves, way past the arm space apart that guys keep with other guys. I do not think poorly of opposite sex friendships but had many girlfriends that did. Way over active imaginations and huge insecurities. Glad those are over. As for the poster who sugested that the reason you are not married yet is because of your male friends she/he should be smacked my wife has more email contact with my world traveling female friend than I do.

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2001

i think everbody is saying i dont like sex. what i thought was if you are like do with a girl are women you can ask them directy. suppose get chance to sex with them otherwise they will kill you

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-- Anonymous, January 22, 2002

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-- Anonymous, March 02, 2002

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-- Anonymous, March 28, 2002

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-- Anonymous, May 28, 2002

OK - most of my friends are of the opposite sex, but I also have allot of good friends iof the same sex. I find that lads are easier to hang out and have a laugh with, but girls are definitely easier to discuss things with.

This can lead to problems though. I was really, and I mean really good friends, like bestest buds, soul mates with this girl, and I was sort of seeing another girl, but me and my frined wre alone one day and things, well, developed into something they shouldnt have. sex. It really screwed us both over and we have only just got round to resolving it, bearing in mind thid was 6-7months ago.

Same sex friends are great, but if u want to talk and be listened to, opposite sex friends are the ebst because they offer differentr opinions, i couldnt have made it through life without my friend.

So yeah, ta ta STEVE

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2002

Before I married, most of my friends were male. But my husband is so jealous I don't even think about having male friends anymore so it's mostly women now. I did have one good male friend in high school that my husband also knew. My husband ran into him one day and my friend gave my hubby his phone number for me to call him. My husband brought the number home and gave it to me. He didn't mind me keeping up with this friend: because my friend is gay!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2002

Lately most of my friends have been of the opposite gender. I have girlfriends but I feel that hanging out with a group of guys is a lot more fun. As "one of the guys" I have been able to infiltrate the male mind, something that few girls have been privileged to see. It really has been an enlightening experience. I get to ask my guy friends questions that I know they'll answer honestly and I reciprocate. It is a mutually beneficial relationship. I laugh a lot more with my guy friends and I feel that they are more forgiving, less superficial, and engage in activities that I enjoy more. I am not the talk on the phone for hours, shop til I drop kinda girl. This doesn't mean I'm a tomboy or gay, I am very much heterosexual but I do get the "are you gay" question from people who see me playing Frisbee with 7 guys. Now for the ever present can you be JUST friends question. I believe you can. I have had crushes on one or two of my friends that gradually dissipated over time and some had crushes on me. However, that in my case has not diminished the value of the friendship, mainly because we realized that a relationship would never work because frankly we know each other too well. This is not to say a relationship cannot work, I have seen friendships blossom into wonderful relationships, and ideally a strong friendship should be at the base of every relationship. Opposite sex friendships can work, and are often as good as, if not better than, same sex friendship. There really is so much to learn about the other gender, and the best way to do that is by developing close friendships with them. That's my 2 cents on the subject. ~Krystel

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2002

I am currently researching for a project, in my "Canadian Family in Society" class, on why we choose the opposite sex as close friends. I was engaged by the discussions presented here, and decided to thank all of you for the information.

I have a best friend of six years, who is a male. His name is Jay. He is the most amazing friend anyone could ask for. Although I do agree that it is hard to find an opposite-sex friend who you can be strictly friends with. You must understand that this toic is controversial, and can be argued any way. I am wondering if psychology has anything to do with whether you are geered towards the same or opposite-sex as close frinds. If anyone has any info. on this, please email me!!! thanx! emilia!

-- Anonymous, October 30, 2002