Um, y'all I know this is really outrageous and out of line, but I'd really like to send my boss an anonymous email Valentine's 'cause I'd really like to, um, use your imagination. I'm hoping I won't have this job much longer, but he doesn't know that. He is a proper English gentleman but he is not typical. He paraglides and rides motorcyles down the Interstate at 110 mph among other things. But he is very ethical. I would be very polite and control the horrible urge I have to jump his bones. Any suggestions on how I could send it without him knowing it was me?

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

Answers

You could send him an e-crush message. It is anonymous unless someone guesses exactly who it is from and goes to the site to verify by putting in their e-mail address. If he guessed it was from you, he'd have to have put your e-mail address in there before confronting you about it, which would imply that he was HOPING it was from you (or that he didn't know very many single, available, interesting women other than you).

Slipping a paper Valentine under his office door after he's gone hoem for the day might be cute if you have the gumption to do it. (There used to be these machines called typewriters, with which you could mark paper items without actually revealing your distinctive handwriting. If your office is archaic enough, perhaps one of these typing machines can help you in your quest for anonymity.)

Good luck. If you're pretty sure you're leaving the job in the future, perhaps adding something about revealing yourself at a more appropriqte time would be a nice teaser phrase to add to the Valentine.

P.S. I suspect that his reaction re: having a Secret Admirer will be very enlightening. If he's annoyed or dismissive or feels stalked, then he might not be the guy for you. If he's intrigued and amused and entertained, that's a good sign.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

Do it!!! Life is too short to pass up ANY opportunity for love...or really good sex.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

Don't you hate it when you meet someone hot AND ethical? :-)

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

What are the chances of him finding out that the valentine is from you?

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

The guy is obviously a risk taker who likes thrilling rides. On your computer, make a card that says on the outside: "For the most Challenging and Thrilling ride of your Life..." and then paste a picture of yourself (a non-suggestive one works best) on the inside that says: "See operator for details." Good luck.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

I love Bubba's idea, but I'm worried about giving any suggestion of sexual harrasssment / impropriety, since you work with him and all. Hey, I watch "thirtysomething". I mean, "once and again." anyway. Maybe the e-crush thing is best -- i might even open a new email account with a super cool, sexy name -- or a hint of your real name -- to make tracking you that much more challenging.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

oh bibba thats sooooo cheezey. i hope yu nver did that cuz i would laugh in your face if you made that for me!!!

i think you should just give him a kid valentime. its cute and would break the ice !!

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2001

That's actually a really good idea, floosie.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2001

*pictures card with a Pokemon on the front*

"I CHOOSE YOU!"

:) Aw.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2001

Right on, Floosie! My boss gave me a little Mickey Mouse valentine and some flowers, and I'm loving him for it because it absolutely brightened my day. The kids valentine is a great way to imply but not confess.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2001

So, Vicki, WHAT HAPPENED? (or are you out late with aforementioned boss? nudge, nudge...)

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2001

Maybe I shouldn't tell this story here, but I don't want to start a new topic for it...

Today at my work, someone from another organization (still in our building, though) left a note on the car of The Hottest Guy at My Work. It said something like, "Dear Hot Guy, You might think I'm crazy, but if you're single, I'd love to have dinner with you. Call me at 555-9439. Signed, Starla." (Names changed to protect the innocent.)

Within moments, everyone at work knew about the note. (And it wasn't even me spreading the gossip this time.) Within an hour after that, we'd found out who'd left the note. At first I was really curious (nosy) about it and giggling. Then I saw the woman walk through the lobby twice. I felt bad. I knew Hot Guy had no intention of asking her out. (He has a girlfriend and, besides that, his officemate indicated that he didn't find Starla attractive, either.)

So now, every time I see this woman, I'll feel bad. She is totally braver than I would ever be, and I empathize with her feelings because Hot Guy is totally crushworthy. But everyone knows something personal about her, now. I wish I knew her even passingly, because then I could hint about Hot Guy's girlfriend and maybe she wouldn't feel so bad. I'm trying to think of nice stuff I can do for her without letting her know that I know (and that everyone else does, too.)

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2001

I guess it would be absolutely out of the question to start a new round of rumors about the number of sick days HotGuy needed last spring to clear up that nasty case of syphilis ... ?

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2001

Oh, I should add that HotGuy wasn't the one who told everyone about the note. To his credit, he refused to say anything when I heard the gossip and called him to confirm. He just made the mistake of telling one coworker and not swearing her to silence.

Still... a rumor about him could prove to be amusing...

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2001

Hey Vthon. Don't be so coy. Just walk up to him, grab him by the balls and say "happy valentines big guy" and walk away. He'll either throw you on the carpet right then and there or you won't ever hear a peep out of him. OK. So I fantasize a bit. It happened to me on my birthday once. Nice little relationship for awhile. hooo! I feel faint. anyway, I go to the wholesale flower mart all the time and buy flowers to photograph. Wifey gets them all so she's used to it. But she was knocked off her feet this Vday. $100 buys a full kitchen and living room full of flowers. I had to go to the antique stores in town just to get enough vases to hold them all. And I got my bosses boss' secretary some really nice tulips and set them on her desk. He was pissed royal because he didn't get her anything at all and he thinks I was showing him up. I love it. He's a jerkwad anyway. So be brave V and just be forward with the guy. If it doesn't work with him, try it on me. I love good looking blonds. Give me a call. Drinks after work next week. James

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2001

So how did it go? Don't leave us all in suspense!

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

I'm not tellin!!! James

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

I meant to address that to Vicki, Big Jim, but you can tell us if you change your mind.

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2001

I know a secret, I know a secret! But I'm not tellin> Jamesee

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001

I know a secret, I know a secret! But I'm not tellin> Jamesee

-- james (james_mickelson@hotmail.com), February 20, 2001.

But I am going to tell now.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2001

Judging from all the MANY responses after February 25th, we were all waiting with baited breath to hear it, too.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2001