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"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jason Kidd

"Are you any relation to your brother Marv?" -Basketball player Leon Wood to announcer Steve Albert

"It's almost like we have ESPN." -Magic Johnson, on how well he and James Worthy work together

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece.

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." -Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982.

"Tom." -Tom Nissalke, New coach of the NBA's Houston Rockets, when asked how he pronounced his name, 1966.

"I'll always be Number 1 to myself." -Moses Malone

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." -Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me. ---Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model

"I lost it in the sun!" -Billy Loes, Brooklyn Dodgers Pitcher, after fumbling a grounder.

"You guys line up alphabetically by height." -Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." -Bill Peterson, football coach

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." -Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, 1991

"I don't care what the tape says. I didn't say it." -Football coach Ray Malavasi

"I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid." -Former football player/announcer Terry Bradshaw

"I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." -Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs, 1986

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first. -New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers

-- Barry (bchbear863@cs.com), February 08, 2001

Answers

Well done Barry!!

Humor!!!! WE NEED MORE HUMOR!!!!!

"Tom". That one word just caused cherry coke to exit where it hurts!! My freakin' eyes are waterin' dude!!!

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthebeach.com), February 08, 2001.

"I want to offer $100,000 to anyone who has information that leads to the arrest of the murder(s) of Ron and Nichole." -NBC Sportscaster and former NFL player OJ Simpson

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), February 08, 2001.

Funny stuff and you didn't even get to Yogi Berra or Casey Stengel.

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), February 08, 2001.