Can you take directions without needing to know why? Are you a questioner? Do you second guess anyone who tells you to do something that doesn't make sense to you, even if it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, and even if it's someone who is supposed to be giving you orders? Do you always want to know why?

I have this problem in my personal life as well as my work life, because Jeremy and I both always need to know why. If I'm adding a spice to the meatloaf, or greasing a pan funny, he wants to know why I'm doing it that way. If he's working on the computer network or fixing the car, and what he's doing doesn't make sense to me, I want to know why he's doing it like that. We drive each other insane.

Do you need to know why? Or can you just shrug and do what you're told?

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

Answers

I tend to WHY people to death if I :
a) am in a bitchy mood
b) feel very strongly about the situation AND that I have the best solution (that isn't being utilized)
c) think the person I am dealing with doesn't understand what the hell they are doing and by questioning them I can determine if that's the case (with the intention to help as lame as that sounds).

Other than that I can let a lot go by and I do. Especially if I'm tired and don't care about you.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

I must always, always know WHY if I'm expected to do something. I don't just blindly follow.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

Oh lord, yes. I always always always want to know why. One of my biggest struggles, in fact, has been to (try to) learn how to get enough explanation to satisfy myself without convincing everyone I think they're idiots. Because I don't (usually) think that what I'm asked to do is stupid, or that the way someone wants it done is stupid...I just can't seem to DO IT without knowing WHY I'm doing it that way.

This is most dangerous when driving, for me. I'm the kind of person who won't even put the car in gear unless I know not only where I'm going, but what route I'm going to take to get there. I am not the kind of person who takes "just go; I'll tell you when to turn" directions well. At all. I'll respond to "turn left at the intersection here" with "but won't it be (faster/better/easier) if we go up to the light and go down....".

Oh yeah. I'm sure I'm a joy. I've learned not to watch J when he cooks, and not to open the dishwasher if he's loaded it. He doesn't do things wrong, I know...he just doesn't do them my way. Why? HeckifIknow.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

Okay, so essentially we're all a bunch of control freaks. I can live with that.

Is there anyone out there who is NOT a control freak, or who is the boss who has to deal with all the "why?" people? Do we drive you batty? Do you find us to be disrespectful, or do you just expect that people want to know why they're being asked to do things a certain way?

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

Yes, I'm one of those folks who has to answer to you nagging "Why?" people ;).

Sometimes it's enough to drive me up the wall, but more often than not, in working with inquisitive folks, it makes me more accountable for my own actions, and really make decisions wisely and with lots of forethought.

That being said, I still want to throttle some of you within an inch of your lives. Even if y'all are cute and fun and have adorable puppies. Still.

Off my back!!! ;) Just kidding. I do love you all, you know.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

Well I, for one, luv you all too Claire.

I like to know "Why?", but more often I like to know "Why not?" And sometimes I could not care less. For instance, why not use the contraction "couldn't" in the previous sentence? It sounds much less choppy. Was it the surfacing of a deep seated subconscious anal need to show yall that I know that, in this context, it is "could not care less" as opposed to "could care less"? Honestly, I could not care less.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

Gotta know why. I invariably think of some detail that someone else missed and in doing so, we think of a better way to do it.

And with my husband's cooking, it's always a good idea to ask why. Otherwise, you run a big risk of getting macaroni and cheese with garbanzo beans for dinner because "beans are vegetables."

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

I'm not sure if it's so much because i'm a control freak, though i suppose that's entirely possible too. I think it's mostly because i'm nosey. I want to know everything. It's not even just why. It's more like: Why? Who? WHERE?! But why? When? Who was that? How come?

I must drive people batty.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

I'm totally a "WHY?" person. I even had a boy I was seeing once ask me if I was two, while mocking my propensity to utter my favorite phrase.

I read Beth's entry and felt like I was reading something I wrote.

On a good note, asking why does have its advantages. I'm rarely caught off guard, I make decisions deliberately and with information to back said decisions, and I know a hell of a lot of superfluous information. Also helps in my job.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

I'd like to think I've gotten better at it (but that only means I'm the one biting the inside of my lips to keep the why's from coming out, and then going away and scoping out the why myself before I do what was asked). I don't think I'm internally all that better - but I *am* finally surrounded by folks, at least at work, who understand and respect the question, and don't take it personally when I ask.

My problem has always been more than just needing to know why.. I can deal with not getting the 'big picture', as long as I respect that the person who is telling me what to do not only gets the big picture, but also comprehends my picture - know what it is that you're asking of me, what it means won't happen while I'm doing what you want, and *acknowledge* me.

Ok. I'm not a control freak. I'm an acknowledgement freak.

I think the same goes in reverse when I'm the one being asked - mostly that pertains to my family. I try to explain the why, but I get impatient when 'why' is just code for 'I don't wanna and I'm going to keep this questioning up until you give up so I won't have to." If I explain I need something done because I have 12 things I need done and have to leave for work in a half hour, I expect the "I need help" part to be acknowledged, the "I'm doing all this other stuff for your benefit as well as mine" to be acknowledged, and I darn well expect the fact that I want it and I need it enough to ask in the first place to be reason enough. After its done and I have more time, I'll happily explain in more detail, but for right now, acknowledge the small window of opportunity to get it done that I've already explained.

hah..no wonder I drive myself crazy.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

When my kids would start with "why, why, why?" my answer was always, FIRST you do what I've told you to do, and THEN if you want to know why I'll be happy to sit down and explain it to you. Funny, they were almost never that interested.

*I* need to know "why", especially at work, because there's always a decision to be made or a question to be answered somewhere along the line, and if I don't have the "why", I have no idea how to decide or answer.

Lindsay

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

I suppose I'd be more apt to nod, smile and do what I'm told/asked to do - had I not spent the majority of my life in the company of total idiots.

Instead, I have repeatedly watched the plans and machinations of these people tank like the damn Titantic, threatening to drag me - who, all the while, was saying "This. Isn't. Going. To. Work." - down with them. And it's not as if what they were doing was, say, difficult - just that they seemed to lack common sense during the decision making process and by the time it returns from its vacation afar, it's too late.

I'm telling you: it's a theme. People wonder why I'm so bitter and cynical and I'm like, dude: observe my world.

In school, it was bad - I couldn't get anyone to explain advanced math to me in a way that made sense and prevented me from coming home and crying every night. I just needed to know why the formula worked the way it did and why you had to apply it one way in X instance and another way in Y instance.

Thus I became a liberal arts major wherein one can come with theories plucked freshly from one's arse and no one asks why.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

"...do you just expect that people want to know why they're being asked to do things a certain way?"

Ooh.. I just now caught that part. I go nuts when people try to tell me things have to be done a certain way, if it's not very clear why it has to be done that way. Unless it's something like a regulatory process where no choice about how is involved, tell me what result you want, and let me figure out my own path in making that happen.

And I'm the same when it comes to giving instruction - *this is what I need*. How you do it is your business, as long as the result is what I requested. I long ago concluded that I make a crappy manager because I hate, hate, hate having to provide detailed instructions for people who are so task oriented that they refuse to think. I don't make a great subordinate for the same reason - I hate dealing with people who prefer that sort of non-thinking automaton work style.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

If I don't ask *why*, I don't *care*.

And that's _far_ more damaging to your cause than the time it will take to explain it to me.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

It depends on the situation.

At work, I'm not a "why" person. In fact in some ways I'd rather not know why. I'm good at details, I'm lousy at the big picture. I don't want to go to a meeting and hear what the company is planning to do in five years; I want to sit at my desk and fiddle with my documents so that the columns are all spaced exactly right.

I've had a lot of jobs and it seems like at every one of them, much of the reason why boils down to "we've always done it that way" or some such. So why ask why?

At home I will ask my husband why he's doing things some way, or wants me to do it that way. I guess the difference is that there I care about the outcome and may have a better way to do it, or some knowledge of the situation that may affect what he's trying to do.

My father used to have this weird thing where he imagined a situation where my life might depend on instantly obeying him. So if he said "come over here," it might be because I was about to be hit by a car and should just instantly do it instead of standing there and asking why. He explained all this to me and it still didn't make me obey without question. It was weird because in every other way he was the least controlling person you could imagine. My mom was the big controller but she always told me why.

-- Anonymous, February 07, 2001