A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later..."Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later...Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," She said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

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A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."

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It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b**** to iron."

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), February 05, 2001

Answers

ROTFLMAO!!! Reminds me of the following (don't know if it's true, but I can well imagine a kid doing this):

A woman and her young son are waiting in line in the supermarket behind a kind of large woman. Suddenly, the large woman's pager goes off.

The little boy is then heard to exclaim, "LOOK OUT, MOMMY!! SHE'S BACKING UP!!"

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), February 05, 2001.

Patricia, that's too funny!!

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), February 05, 2001.

They are great David. Thanks.

Mind if I add one? -

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she was saying, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.

As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!...But don't shove me either."

-- Debra (Thisis@it.com), February 05, 2001.