I wonder if any of you have any amusing stories about the strange and wonderful things that kids say.

I'm prompted to write this after a conversation with Tara at the weekend. We drove to see a museum together and on the way there in the car, right out of the blue she asks,

"Dad do you believe in Jesus?"

"Yes Darling - we know he existed" (nice safe answer)

"Did he have a beard?" (that threw me a bit)

"Well we have no way of knowing that. Most pictures show him with a beard but obviously there are no photographs - I don't know"

"Some people don't believe in him"

"Well he did exist. The important question is whether you believe he rose from the dead. Christians believe he was the son of God and rose from the dead. Moslems believe he was a prophet but not the son of God and he did not rise from the dead" (stretching the bounds of my theological knowledge to it's limits already here)

"Do YOU believe he rose from the dead Dad?" (Oh dear, the $64000 question - I was hoping you wouldn't raise that point)

"Erm, yes, I suppose I do. Yes I'm a Christian and I believe Jesus was the Son of God and that he rose from the dead"

"I don't believe that" (Big surprise - don't they lap this up at School?)

"Really - why not?"

"I believe in something different to that"

"Well what do you believe in then Darling?" (I'm genuinely intrigued by now)

"I believe he had a beard"

I have to tell you that it was very difficult to keep the car on the road. :-)

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

Answers

Not really in the same league but it made me fall off my chair....

Asked my son 2 weeks ago what he wanted for his 11th birthday (unlike his father he's a nice, quiet, studious lad!)....his reply was "loads of beer and strippers!"......all said in a tone which indicated that it was the furthest thing from his mind....

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

Lovely story Jonno.
I think I've told this one before on here, but it occurred when we lived in the US. With mainstream TV being so sanitised, it fell to the News programmes to be risque and seemingly revel in otherwise taboo subjects.
I'd arrived home lateish one night, and was eating dinner at the kitchen table, with the kids reading/drawing beside me. My wife had gone to the supermarket. The small kitchen TV was droning on in the background without me paying any attention to it - a major lesson to be learned just there.

Anyway it turned out the local news was on at the time, relaying a tale of domestic horror in their usual graphic, in-your-face way.
My post-workday, post-commute, soporific mood was shattered asunder when my 9 yr-old son, who had obviously been intently watching/listening to the story, chimed up "Dad, what's sodomy?"

In my blind panic I just couldn't think what on earth to say, other than what my wife and I had always promised each other we would never, ever say - "I really don't know son, why don't you ask your Mother!"

Amazing to relate, our marriage survived my gross cowardice, but not surprisingly I've never been allowed to forget it.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

Nice one Gav - I hope you told him to go easy on the beer. :-)

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

Playing I spy in the car travelling back north through the wasteland that is the A68 on a dark Sunday evening. Obviously limited amount of objects to spy, so it began to get slightly off the wall. Ben was then three, didn't really know his letters but could get by sometimes.

Ben .... "I spy with my little eye something beginning with buh"

Dad .... bumper, no Mum .... bushes, no sister .... book , no

by this time, in the pitch dark and more than ten minutes owrht of playing, we'd had enough so we admitted defeat .... what is it then son .... BANANA.

Lots of laughs all round. "Okay, Ben" I ask, "where's the banana ?" "I'm a banana", he answers.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

OK then...on Sunday my brother and his girlf Jane were visiting our older brother and his family, including 4-y-o Ben. Ben asked what Jane did, they explained she worked in advertising. "She puts some adverts on the television.."said Mark. "I do perfume, I do shoes, I do clothes..." added Jane. A pause. "Do you do jelly?" asked Ben, who then marched around the house asking "Do you do arms? Do you do legs, Do you do hair?" etc etc to no-one in particular. The boy aint right, I tell you whut.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

>>>>>"Dad, what's sodomy?"

Nice one Clarky - you could have just said "I'm b*ggered if I know son". :-)

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

When my nephew was very little, he had to get his photo taken. He was a cute kid and conscious of it but was upset at the passport photo. He looked up to me and said "I've really been let down by my face today".

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

When my cousin was little he had trouble prounouncing 't'. Came out sounding like 'f'. My aunt was in line at the supermarket one day when he got excited by a magazine with trucks on the cover. He started yelling "Look Mommy! *uck! *uck, Mommy! *uck!!". Got some interesting looks from other customers.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

Not quite the same , but just after Christmas , me Gran (88 years old and with a bit of Alzheimers ) is joining in a family game of who wants to be a millionaire and is on her £1000 question . Me ' If you had seen a man with a brush in one hand and a tin in the other , just finishing a job and putting a sign next to it , what is it likely to say ? A . Look at me B . Wet Paint c Be careful or D Get stuck in ... Me Gran quick as a shot .. 'Eeeeh i knaa it , Get stuck in ! ' .. me auntie heard it all from the kitchen and dropped the jug of milk on the floor .. priceless : - ))

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

My outlaws used to live in Saundersfoot where there was a limited supply of parking spaces. But being adopted locals, they had a magic pass and could park right in the centre of tht village. So, each day, we'd leave the car at their hoose and Granny would drive the family down the narrow, twisty steep hill to the village below.

One day, a voice pips up from the back seat "Dad, you're right, Granny is a bad driver". Ouch - they say the truth often hurts!

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

2 funny ones when i was with my ex. i went to Eldon Square with her and her brother and his 3 year old son. Half way through the afternoon we all went to the toilets. It was quite busy as it was near Christmas. We went to those toilets with the very long weeing wall, we had to q a bit but eventually we all got a place at the same time. As we were weeing the boy turns to his dad and in the loudest voice ever says "Dad, why's your willy smaller than everyone elses" Now there were 15 blokes genuinely pissing themselves.

Last night i was talking with my gf's lad and i was relaying a cautionary tale about when i was 6 and one of my friends called my mother a fat cow. He looked really puzzled and then replied "your mums not a fat cow, she's a nice cow" we all laughed heartily and a had another biscuit

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001