Mary had a little lamb

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

between two chunks of bread.



Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,

her clothes all tattered and torn.

It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,

But Little Boy Blue and his horn.



Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,

What have you got there?

Said the Pieman unto Simon,

Pies, you dickhead.



Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings horses and all the kings men,

said "F*ck him, He's only an egg.



Mary had a little lamb

It ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up it's ass

and turned it's wool to nylon



Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too, cause he was gay.



Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

to have a little fun.

Jill, that dill

Forgot her pill

and now they have a son.



Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

to fetch her poor dog a bone.

When she bent over

Rover took over,

And gave her a bone of his own.



Little Boy Blew.

Hey. He needed the Money.



-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Answers

Mary had a little lamb

she also had a bear

I've often seen here little lamb,

but never her bear

Mary had a little lamb

she also had a duck

she put them on the mantlepiece

to see if they would ...... fall off (!)

Boom, boom!

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

The boy stood on the burning deck
Armed only with a bucket
and when the flame leapt round his ears
he was heard to scream
Oh **** it


Mary had a little Lamb
The Doctor was suprised
Old MacDonald had a farm
and the doctor nearly died


-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

jack be nimble jack be quick jack burnt off his f**kin d*ck

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe... she had so many children.... her uterus fell out

Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffett eating her curds and whey.... along came a spider he sat down beside her and said....

"Yo B*tch what's in da bowl???"

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pieman

Can I have an Ice cream please?

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Nuff of the Simple Simon ones ya bastards. How bout a simple gav or a simple jonno? not so funny now is it?!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Haven't heard most of them for years. Made me chuckle they did.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

>>>>>>Nuff of the Simple Simon ones ya bastards

You think you've got problems? I can never visit your side of the Atlantic with a name like "John". :-)

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Mary had a lttle lamb
She kept it as a pet
But when she saw the price of meat
She ate the little get

To market to market
With my brother Jim
Somebody there chucked a tomatoe at him
Tomatoes dont hurt my brother jim
But that Bas***d did it was still in the tin

Hey diddle diddle
The cat did a piddle
all over the kitchen mat
The little dog laughed to see such fun
and piddle all over the cat

She sttod on the bridge at midnight
Her lips were all a quiver
She gave a cough
Her tits fell off
and floated down the river
boom boom

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2001

Higgedly piggedly my black hen,
She has sex with lots of men
Sometimes nine and sometimes ten
Higgedly Piggedly my black hen


-- Anonymous, February 02, 2001

Sad,Sad,Sad,Sad,Sad,Sad,Sad,Sad,Sad,Sad,Sad,....People

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2001