An Irish tourist wanders into a back alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it." "You can keep the story, old man," replies the Irishman, "but I'll take the rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster,and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge, a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling,he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "I was just wondering if you had a bronze Mackem"

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Answers

LOL - Brilliant Mac. How long before it appears on a Sunderland board with a bronze Geordie I wonder? :-)

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Probably about three years ago!!

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

DAVID Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and down out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it was no good.
With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to the ground. His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to stop or even slow down. Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending.
Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworths' manager came along and unplugged it.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

How do you make a hakkem's eyes light up ?

Shine a torch in his ear.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001