How anyone can criticise those lovely lads is beyond me. Bloody FANTASTIC man! It might not mean a lot to many but to me doing the durble over Leeds makes up for our last six trips to Wembley, Ian Rush, that bastard Fenton at Ewood Park and the lack of a decent vegetarian alternative at the SJP food kiosk all rolled into one.

I could kiss Freddy's fat flabby arse I'm so happy (I wonder how much he'd pay?). Spent most of Saturday afternoon, stripped to the waist, singing and laughing me head off at the sad Yorkies. If only I'd partaken of slightly less Tetley's then I might be able to offer an insightful summation of our tactical superiority but the only events I can recall are:

Queuing outside -Big cheer - shit they've scored already -time for a piss.

In the bogs dispensing with Mr. Tetley - bigger cheer - wahey equaliser!

Top of the stairs -even bigger cheer - we've scored again - wahey 2-1 ya bassas!

Get to seat - informed that it was a pen and in fact the score is one-one. Yeah yeah, I knew that.

No chance to rest my weary behind as we go full throttle into Geordie Boot Boys.

NEWCASTLE NEWCASTLE NEWCASTLE!!!!

That dirty bastards pulled down Wor Chilean. PENALTY! No......GOAL!!!!!GET IN BONNY LAD!

NEWCASTLE NEWCASTLE NEWCASTLE!!!!

HALF TIME. Back to the bogs.

Good lad Shay

Get in there Bobby Lee

Haway ref blow ya whistle

SHOOT NOBBY! CRACK IT SHOLA!.................

Coroners notice: At this point approximately 4.44 on Saturday the 20th January Mr Dread expired due to a combination of dodgy bitter, hypothermia, worn vocal chords and sheer undiluted bliss. He will not be missed.

Rumours of his rebirth in a Leeds city centre bar as an eternal optimist have yet to be proven. However a man answering his description was seen wandering the streets later that night muttering, "We beat the scum 3-1 We've got the best board in the land Newcastle United will never be defeated" amongst other indecipherable obscenities. He also claimed to be pregnant with Warren Barton's love child and was giving up the drink "cos it's nae good for the bairn ya kna".

-- Anonymous, January 22, 2001

Answers

Best match report I've read so far ;-)

-- Anonymous, January 22, 2001

Top report dread - behind the scenes; a glorious victory viewed from a fan's perspective. Priceless.

-- Anonymous, January 22, 2001

Such an artist with words beer.

-- Anonymous, January 22, 2001

Great report, Dread!

-- Anonymous, January 22, 2001

I see that your timekeeping is still as good as ever Dread. How many games have we missed the Kick off due to getting one last pint in.

As for the new found optimism. that will soon go when the hangover kicks in

-- Anonymous, January 23, 2001