Cat food is about to get a whole lot better

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Cats everywhere were happy to hear the news today. Food giant Nestle S.A. is buying the U.S. pet food company Ralston Purina for $10 billion in cash,linking together such brands as Alpo, Purina, Friskies and Meow Mix.

"I'm really looking forward to some Perrier and chocolates", said Tiger, a striped cat from Alabama. "My food has generally tasted like shit for quite some time now", he added.

Melanie, a persian from Paterson, NJ, was on hand for the opening of Purina's newest food line, Nescat. "Mmmmmm", she purred, "delicious! The coffee flavored chow is out of this world!"

"Together, Ralston Purina and Nestle will be able to take this pet-care business to levels that would not have been possible as separate entities.", a company spokescat said.

After coughing up hair balls together in celebration, the cats went back to pretending they didn't care.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), January 16, 2001

Answers

LOL!

Although coffee flavoured cat chow might not be such a bad idea... wasn't it SOBob's cat that loved coffee with cream?

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 18, 2001.


I personally polled the feline population currently thriving on the foot of my bed about this new development in epicurean possibilities.

Fishcat Charlie, being a young tom, and not particularly renowned for either his table manners, or his sophisticated tastes, said he could go for something in a “used mouse” flavor. Either that, or “3-day-old dead bird in the garden”, he just couldn’t decide which.

Old Allie, our momma cat, became quite excited about the news, and even opened one eye briefly, while contemplating her culinary requests. She said that, while she always enjoyed the spectacular “nose” of a nice Chateau du Fishguts ‘83, she undoubtedly would also savor a robust and earthy “Chicken Unmentionables in Oh-God-what-is-that-smell Gravy”.

I knew that as an investigator, I had struck a gold mine of feline food-related trend setters, and pressed on with questions about cappuccino versus regular Colombian, milk chocolate versus semi sweet, and garden toads versus little bayou frogs. Unfortunately, Their busy schedule did not allow for prolonged dissertations at this time, and Allie stretched out a paw and gently sunk all four claws into my arm, signaling termination of the interview. I turned out the light as I left.

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), January 18, 2001.


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