So, anyone buy last minute gifts for someone they didn't want to buy a gift for? Any regrets?

My younger brother and I have not being seeing eye to eye lately, since he's become totally self-consumed and is cheating on his girlfriend with another woman who he confesses not to love either. (Although he swears to them that each is "The One"). Anyway. So I procrastinated on getting him a gift 'cause: 1.) he has everything 2.) he doesn't exactly make Santa's nice list and 3.) I can't afford anything he wants. So I decided to get him this Nike jacket that he wanted and my two sisters were feeling the exact same way as I was, so they split the bill with me. So, on Christmas day my brother tells me that we're cheap splitting the cost of the jacket. However, quick thinking is on my list of qualities so I remind him that the gift certificates he got for each of us (to restraunts that he likes) add up to exact same amount as the cost of the jacket. Hmm.

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2000

Answers

Yeesh, if someone mentioned the cost of the gift I had just given him, Id've snatched back. My brother is not that bad, but also leans towards analyzing the prices of gifts (given to him and to his kids). He is married and he and his wife together make at least three times as much money as I do. I told him once that instead of thinking of the price of the gift, he should factor in what the price is in percentage to MY salary, then figure out how much he would have had to spend on me to equal that. After this big mad conversation, our family decided to forgo birthday gifts throughout the year and draw names for Christmas with a $50 spending limit. (excluding the kids, they all get spoiled). It works out a lot better this way, but I could still just smack people who analyze price gifts.

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2000

...that was "price OF gifts," by the way.

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2000

My stand has always been to not buy anything for anyone I don't want to. So some folks who got gifts from me last year didn't this year and vice versa.

And bringing up the price of a gift? That's ultra-rude.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2000

It's annoying to be obligated to buy gifts for people, and then not to be able to afford to buy stuff for all the people for whom you wish you could buy stuff.

If that didn't make sense, it's because I have a cold.

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2000

Gwen, hee! And I know exactly what you mean.

My husband has a big family, so they draw names -- one person responsible for one gift, each. I do wish they'd do a spending limit, though. Because they're all very WASP-y and successful and I know our cruddy "we're college students, sorry, so we're buying you this with our own money and not on a) a big salary, or b) credit cards financed by Mom/Dad's big salary" presents probably will never measure up. Ugh.

God, people should NOT look at price tags on gifts. This time of year is depressing anyway, at least if I think of it in terms of getting something I want, because my relatives ask for an Xmas list and mine says "space heater. stockpot. gift certificate to Wal-Mart." and I get a waffle-weave decorative throw blanket (we have a million blankets already) and an expensive glass bowl, both of unknown origin, and all I can say is "Thanks!" adding in my head [because that fancy bowl will keep my hands really warm in my unheated, uninsulated, 42 degrees farenheit computer room while I type my opinion column for the newspaper for slave wages -- just like a space heater, which would have cost about a fourth of what you spent on me, yet would have been useful!]

So, um, my point is that cost doesn't matter. Because people should buy what other people need, or failing that, something that will just delight them (in the sense that it will say "I kept your tastes in mind when I bought/made this for you") instead of trying to make some kind of point by buying something that is supposed to impress the recipients or better yet, everyone in the whole room. Why can't people do that? Oh, because somewhere some self-centered jackass is complaining that his gifts aren't expensive enough. Anyone who mentions the price of a gift should be shot instantly; they are the reason I keep getting decorative bowls when I need a simple, inexpensive space heater.

-- Anonymous, December 29, 2000

My family draws names because there are so many of us. Limit is 25$ and we get together for a dinner at my sister's house to celebrate that we're all still here. I buy presents for the kids and a shit load of gifts for kids that don't have much. My bank has an angel tree where they hang angels with kids names and ages. I grab a bunch of them and buy gifts for the little ones and gift certs for the older ones. My childhood Christmases were the pits as far as presents were concerned so I try and make it a good Christmas for kids that don't have anything. It feels better to me than anything anyone could buy me in a store. Once in awahile I'll get something that I don't like or can't use. It doesn't make me mad or anything. They were thinking of me and that's something to be happy about. James

-- Anonymous, December 30, 2000

I totally believe in giving gifts that people want regardless of whether the gifts are to my taste or not. With some people, it backfires on me because even though I've given a female on my list a floral-print garment, that is the last thing I would ever choose to wear. I think some recipients think I must share their tastes just because I've given them gifts which suit them. Does that make any sense?

-- Anonymous, January 01, 2001

My in-laws family; wow. Somewhere around Halloween the mom in-law and grandma in-law, aunt, etc. start calling & emailing, requesting my wish list and that of my hubbie & son. So the pressure starts...um, what do I want? What do they want? This whole process of getting lists out is painful, we're always late. Finally, they are armed with specific, detailed instructions of exactly what to buy us. Already, I am irritated with Christmas.

"Why can't they just picture me in their minds and think of something they think I will like? Do they have no imagination at all?" I grumble. I think lovingly of MY side of the family that will just buy some wacky whatever, some unexpected (and sometimes way off-the-mark) whatnot. I prefer those gifts. But then I think "ok, this makes sense...at least we'll get what we want".

The next stage is a series of painfully awkward phone calls & emails regarding dollar limits: so-and-so are retired now, can't spend much; so-and-so stays home with the kids, blah blah blah. At this point I feel like screaming "How about if everyone just spends as much as they are comfortable with and we move on??!!" Dollar limit established, we continue the race towards our holiday together.

Fast forward to Dec. 1; I am ready to buy gifts for the in-laws. I am already getting excited about receiving the things on my list. But wait! I don't have lists from any of them! I can't have them getting me exactly the right gift and then turn around and give away crap they don't want! So the calls & emails begin again, this time with me begging for ideas. I end up with a pitiful few -- I rant, I rave "why do I have to give THEM lists but they give me NOTHING?!"

Christmas Day: I receive 18 candles (yes, the item "candles" was on my list). I do NOT receive the other things on my list, including the thing my mom in-law promised she was getting me. I receive another half-dozen things that were not and never would be on my list. My son receives three of this and ten of that; they swear they told each other when they had purchased something off his list. My mom in-law is also duplicated (I think she received 38 coasters from 8 different people; I have no idea if they were on her list since I didn't get one).

Sometimes I wonder why we bother. It's all starting to lose its appeal. What if I just took $500 and spent it all on my husband, son and myself...and then invited them over to show them what I got? They could buy for each other and bring their new things over to show off. Or better yet, we could take pictures of each other with our new things and just post them on the internet. That would save all that time in the supermarket and kitchen. Don't EVEN get me started on the holiday feast. Bah humbug. I'm just glad it's all over for another year.

-- Anonymous, January 04, 2001

Maggie: it makes perfect sense to me. I used to always buy my m-i-l stuff I thought was in poor taste. And then sometimes I'd give her stuff that others had given me -- like, say, a sweatsuit decorated with puff paint and fake gems. And she'd say, "This is beautiful! But you should keep it! It'll fit you!" and I'd say, "No, but I want you to have it. I don't really want it," and she'd get really suspicious and say, "Why? What's wrong with it?" And I'd say, "Well, it's not really the sort of thing I wear," and hope she wouldn't think I was ranking on her taste. And at the same time, I'd hope she wouldn't realize that I didn't like the similar outfit she bought me the Christmas before.

-- Anonymous, January 06, 2001

My family is rethinking the drawing names tradition (which my brothers and sisters and my parents do now) because it's devolved into each person just telling the person who has their name what to get them (and in some cases, going out and buying it themselves). We tried to do an anonymous name drawing this year to prevent it (although I called my mother up to tell her that she had to rig it so I had her, because I'd found something perfect for her). My 8 year old brother picked me up at the airport:

"So, Hannah, what do you want for Christmas?"

"I just want to spend time with you and the rest of my family."

"No, Hannah, what do you REALLY want??"

He wound up getting me a Powerpuff Girls alarm clock which rules.

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2001