I think Ciara mentioned on another thread that the US Mags are going to be in Toon in force at some time during her stay here. I trust that we will be able to guide them into the mores of Geordie culture as we wouldn't want them to make any faux pass mistakes. Perhaps Ciara can pass on the following tips which should help the foreign visitor blend seamlessly into the Geordie landscape:-

- Wearing a red and white striped shirt will make you the centre of attention when visiting Newcastle.
- If you are unable to understand what is being said to you just say "Woyayeman - whattleyihev tedrink?"
- When in the company of football fans always tell them how much you love "Sarker"
- In order to endear yourself to the locals, say that you are descended from Scottish emigrants and that your family name is Dalglish - "He's famous around here isn't he?"
- In bars, do not ask for Scotch "with ice" as this will bring puzzled looks from the barman, as will any request for a double Scotch. This will be brought to you in 2 large glasses.
- Whenever anyone mentions "United" immediately wax lyrical about Beckham, Posh, Brooklyn, Sir Alex - and how much you love prawn sandwiches.
- When watching a match, if Newcastle are losing you can console the person sat next to you by saying "Well at least Sunderland are winning so that won't be so bad for the North East."

Can anyone else think of any more tips for the foreign visitor to Geordieland? :-)

-- Anonymous, December 23, 2000

Answers

When discussing football players , Andy Cole a toon legend should be mentioned as much as possable as should the great geordie footballers of the past, Bobby and Jackie Charlton and of course Steve Bruce. On International matters , point out what a great manager England now have in Sven Goaran Ericsson, much better than that Keegan bloke, and much more likely to pick North Eastern legends Super Kevin Phillips and Michael Gray.

On the local Archeticture, you could always point out what quaint little bridges and biuldings we have compared with the huge monstosities accross the pond.

Try asking for a pint of Boddingtons, we all drink it now that the local brewers Vaux have sadly gone out of business. Oh and if you rent a car , go for a Nissan Micra, again it's a localy made product and is ideal for getting around the freeways of the North East. and finally get in as many "Haway the lairds" as you can, it worked for Jimmy Carter so it'll work for you.

-- Anonymous, December 23, 2000

Hee!

-- Anonymous, December 23, 2000

-Flush toilets are still something of a novelty in the North-East. Should your Geordie host own one he/she will be very proud, and will be disappointed, upset, or even insulted if you do not pass comment or give a compliment.

-- Anonymous, December 23, 2000