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greenspun.com : LUSENET : domestic violence : One Thread

21 December 2000

Well the holiday season is here and it is starting out just like so many others. Maude is not happy. Dan is in jail. Dan is her baby boy and could never do wrong. Every one is just against him. Dan has caused his own problems, but Maude claims that if I would let Dan run roughshod over the house, Things would be perfect. After all, Dan is an angel. It is just that too many things have just disappeared around the house, mostly my things. He is in jail at the moment because he missed going in for his drug test, failed the same drug test (he had to go in later), was in a car with drugs, missing meetings with his probation officer, and broke curfew. I call his probation officer on the last one. His curfew is 6:30 on the days he is to work; he came home at 10:30. He was high at the time. He fell asleep for a couple of hours (3) and then woke everyone up to beg, harass, cajole, and then threaten us not to call his probation officer and report his little slip. I was willing to follow Maude’s lead until he decided to threaten me the next day about turning him in. At that point I decided to call and let the justice system take him in or do what ever they do. Maude says that if Dan does not get to celebrate Christmas, then nobody at our house gets to celebrate (especially Red). I think that her reasoning is very bad. Red did not break the rules. Red did not force Dan to break any of the rules. Dan did that on his very own with no help from Red or me. Maude did tell him that not all the probation rules applied to him. I guess if you do not believe that the rules are important, you can do what ever you wish. I am glad that Red and I are going to my folks for the holidays. Maude just makes them too rough to be with her. Oh yes, I was told to buy a gift. And Maude said that it had to be for her and had better not be any cheap A_ _ perfume. It had better be expensive because she knew how much money I had. I could not use a check because she runs all the money in my house and the checkbook. If I need more money to buy her gift, I had better get another job to pay for it. The money in the house is for her personal use. I am only to put money in the bank. I do not get to say how or when to use the money. She is the only one that has the right amount of reasoning to be able to use HER money (none of it is mine). I am tired of the fighting. Every day is just one more day about how little I do around the house. I only cook all the meals; of course the food is not fit for a dog. I have noticed that there are very few leftovers, and none on her plate. Red likes my cooking and likes to help cook. Do the dishes. Another thing I do wrong because they need to be washed in the sink before they are put into the dishwasher. I wonder why they always come out clean when I do it my way. I guess that I will never know. Clean the kitchen. If I would only clean it her way then it would be clean and not full of germs and mouse droppings. I guess that I need my eyes checked, I have never seen any in the kitchen or the house for that matter. Cleaning the house. Well I have to admit that I am not the greatest person for that. But it is not a pigsty Help Red with her reading, math and all other schoolwork. I am told that Red can do that on her own. It is her schoolwork and I should not do it for her. I thought that helping a child learn to read was one the greatest things to teach them. My parents taught me how to read and it is one of the things I love the most. And as for helping with the math, I still sometimes have problems with that. But we sift through it together some how.

I am just tired of the beating that I get and the verbal abuse that goes on every day. I am tired of being hit with anything and everything. I did not get hurt when she attacked with the chainsaw, but I really did like that denim jacket. The car hitting me did not leave any marks. I kind of wish the police would consider a goose egg on my head, scratches on my back or face or slaps to my face abuse. I am tired of calling the police. I am tired of them saying to me to get out and leave my daughter with her. I am tired of the boy and the other daughter forgetting that it was their mother beating them and that I stood in front of them and took the beatings when I could.

This is just my rambling and meandering of some one that wonders what it will take for people to care about all abuse.

The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Well, mainly me.

I guess that there really is not a question. Oh well, one more thing that I can not do right.

-- Anonymous, December 21, 2000

Answers

Well, writing and submitting your story was something you did as right as rain! Thanks.

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2001

Rambling is sometimes good. You don't want the brain to overload on information,ideas,worries, and fears. I live with worry and fear everyday... I'm happy at work.. I laugh, I kid around, I'm serious, I cry. And then there's the drive home... "Lord, please don't let him be home yet". Please let me have some private my time before he comes in and starts yelling at me for what went wrong at work. At least he doesn't hit me... But he doesn't think he does anything wrong.. I told him one day, "I realize you are upset with this guy not doing his job, or the short in your pay, or this guy hit a wrong cord on the guitar at the wrong time.. But what does any of this have to do with me? Why can't you sit and talk to me without yelling at me?" "Yelling at you? You think I'm yelling at you? Ooh, you have not seen yelling yet!!! You just wait! I'll pack all my s**t and get the h**l out of here and let's just see how you like living here alone!... blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda....." This sometimes goes on for hours... and then he expects me to want to make love at night... or in the morning... or in the mid afternoon fight... "Aaahh, but honey, you know I love you!" That's love? My thoughts are my own because they are not worth mentioning. My opinions are like butt-holes... everyone has one and they all stink.. I won't be able to live on my own without him, cause I don't know how to do anything... and my car is in his name... sorry, I use his car... which I don't know how to drive, but in the past 5 years, he has been in 2 accidents, and had 3 speeding tickets... me...? Well,I have never been in an accident.. except for the one time that I hit a patch of ice on the road and went spinning into the imbankment, but that was my fault..and that was what? 8/9 years ago? Sorry, now look who's rambling... If I could just find that little red button, you know that red button that makes the world stop spinning.... I'd hit it and jump off... Hey, any space aliens out there that want to take me to their leader? Thanks for listening.... I mean reading.... Terri

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2001

Bill, we would love to have you on safe-support. Many of us have been there, and if you ever just need to rant or talk with someone, it's the right place for it.

Directions for joining safe-support are on www.safe4all.org under help.

-- Anonymous, November 08, 2001


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