BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT

Bush to be smitten later today.

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George W. Bush.

"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get away with this BS!"

"I've watched political analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well people, I'm God and I know exactly who voted for whom. So, let's cut to the chase - Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally, and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory.

The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for possible grounds for one last legal challenge. "God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the State of Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass!" God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean!"

God - who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct - explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the White House to "a friggin idiot."

"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore, and if you don't believe me then I'll name them:
Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron ............................................"

Our Lord then went on to note that he was extremely displeased with George W. Bush's prideful ways, and announced that he would officially smite him later today.

In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted his body with deep, painful boils.

Late this afternoon it was being reported that Dick Cheney had been admitted to hospital - suffering from leprosy!

-- Anonymous, December 15, 2000

Answers

Brilliant!!

-- Anonymous, December 15, 2000

Here's my prediction: The US will 'have a conflict' with someone before three years are out. Probably just in time for the next elections in fact....

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

3 years? That's optimistic, Min. I honestly won't be surprised if the terrorists don't declare open season on Americans on January 21st. Though with Colin Powell as Sec of State, there is some hope.

On the "plus" side of this....Shrub's comedic value is off the scales. ;-))

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

Great stuff Clarky--just one question--why did God tell YOU ? Fifties fan

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

Divine intervention, FF!

Good to hear from you again.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

From a spoof interview on R4 yesterday:-
Interviewer :- In just one word Mr President - how do you feel now that you've won?
Bush : Proud to be American
I : But that's 4 words Mr President.
B : Who's countin'?

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2000

Just gotta laugh. toostupidtobepresident.c om

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2000