Parlour tips Newcastle belly up By David Miller

Arsenal Newcastle United LUNCH beforehand with two acquaintances, respectively dyed-in-the-wool Arsenal and Newcastle supporters, was a pessimistic affair. The Highbury man, bemoaning 12 shots against the posts in the three previous Premiership games, believed Manchester United were moving out of reach. His St James' colleague on the other hand was in no doubt: "With today's defence, we'll probably lose by five."

Arsenal did not hit the posts, and they did get five, including Ray Parlour's first hat-trick in the Premiership. Yet the evidence more suggests that Newcastle could plunge back into the trouble from which Bobby Robson rescued them than that Arsenal are sounding a bugle in Manchester United's wake.

Frankly, it was embarrassing the way that Newcastle quietly rolled over and went belly up. Alex Manninger, deputising in goal, had nothing to do until the 71st minute, punching away Stephen Glass's menacing cross, and had Arsenal taken their chances they would have scored five in each half. Newcastle were that poor.

Indeed, the North-East might enter the New Year with both Robsons in trouble. Only recently Bobby was being touted as candidate to succeed Kevin Keegan. He may have had a 90-minute plan on Saturday. It began in 4-1, 4-1 formation, with Robert Lee attempting to sandbag in deep midfield in front of a young back four, which included the 12th centre-back partnership of the season. Taking in water fast, they went two down in 16 minutes: to Thierry Henry and Parlour.

Some 50 minutes later, and by now three down - Kanu this time - Robson sent out Didier Domi and Glass for Lee and left-back Andy Griffin. Things became worse. Nor could Robson seriously advance the excuse that Arsenal on the day were irresistible. Certainly, Henry re-discovered a scoring touch that had been absent in his case for five matches, while Parlour exploited the absence of an injured Patrick Vieira to press his claim for a regular place. Yet Arsenal were, respectfully, merely good rather than brilliant.

Finally, Robson reached along the bench for the oxygen mask. What appeared in place of the industrious Kieron Dyer was Daniel Cordone. Here, from a great footballing nation, was not even some seasonal, pantomime crocodile, but a thespian decked in headband, pony tail and ear-rings. And gloves. The temperature was about 50 degrees. The Argentine looked as if he should have been serving behind the bar at the Rovers Return. Immediately Newcastle went four down: Parlour again.

We cannot be sure that Arsenal, having failed to score in three of their last four league games, are grappling with the rock-climb they must overcome to catch United, only that they disposed of one of many average Premiership sides. They must long for Robert Pires to achieve his promise, though his chip for Parlour to hit the fifth in the final minute was a gem. Newcastle looked like they were playing in concrete gum boots.

Arsenal: Manninger; Dixon, Keown, Adams, Vivas; Ljungberg (Luzhny 82), Parlour, Grimandi (Lauren 59), Pires; Kanu (Bergkamp 68), Henry. Subs: Lukic, Wiltord. Goals: Henry (13), Parlour (16, 86, 90), Kanu (52).

Newcastle Utd: Given; Barton, Hughes, Caldwell, Griffin (Domi 68); Lee (Glass 68); Solano, Acuna, Speed, Dyer (Cordone 79); Lualua. Subs: Harper, Bassedas. Booked: Caldwell, Speed.

Referee: M Dean (Wirrel).

Full results and team details Premier Team Page Arsenal Newcastle United

10 December 2000: Tidy Parlour sums up gleaming Arsenal

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000

Answers

It's going to be a long cold winter boys n girls.
I think Bob must start by making us hard to beat. How he does this I've no idea. We can't defend against the long ball game, we will get hammered against footballing teams. I think it's not pessimism but realism to say that we have not hit rock bottom yet. The next 6 or 8 games we must hold it together, we must fight like tigers, we must be united.

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000

This report confirms what I said earlier. We were a disgrace. We made them look better than they actually were. We looked like a team that turned up expecting to get beat and did'nt go home disappointed.

Something needs to be done now because we will be in another scrap at the bottom if we dont.

The saddest thing about Saturday was that many fans went there epecting exactly what we got. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000

Dyer industrious? Hmmm

And I thought Arsenal were very good, maybe not brilliant, but certainly a very good side who took us to task.

Seems a long time since that other 5-0...

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000

Andy,

>>Oh how the mighty have fallen<<

Just remind me when we were mighty, will you? Might make me feel better. Bobby says it all - a long time since that other 5-0.

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000

Mighty? Well, we certainly were a team to be feared until relatively recently. So if not a winning team in terms of silverware, we were definitely a team that others didn't fancy themselves against...including the 'cursed earth' of the South East.

Since then, damage and incompetence has left us with a mediocre team who sporadically manage magnificent football (Chelsea semi-final, Spurs at home FA Cup replay) and likewise horrendous embarassment (Brum last year, this year, last Saturday).

Dan, our very own Geordie Jew, is right to reiterate that simply we are not very good. I hate losing and losing in such a disgraceful manner, however we are far from relegation fodder and within reach of a UEFA spot.

This may all be clutching at straws but I honestly don't think so. We're far from being a top side, but equally far from a bottom one. Somewhere in the middle I reckon, going through a tough patch. So let's not all start slashing our wrists just yet, and the contract killers hunting the starting XI against Arsenal should be told to be ready but not to shoot.

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000