How Rude!

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So I microwaved a Lean Cuisine meal in the break room of work and had just finished it when someone walked by and said "God, that smells bad! I hope it tasted better than it smelled, because it smells awful!" and smiled and giggled as he walked by. I just gave him the stink-eye and turned away, but as his back was to me I gave him the finger. I would have said something snarky, but he is a manager who ususally is a pretty nice guy so I just stayed quiet.

What kind of stuff have people said to you, thinking they were being all witty, but really being rude? Did you say anything back to them?

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000

Answers

I vividly remember the first week my supervisor began working in my office, 6 years ago. I was sitting at my desk minding my own business and she walked by and infomred me that my Entenman's fat-free chocolate cake loaf was "full of chemicals and preservatives" and not very healthy and bad for me. It made me SO cranky. You know? Like, Um, did I ASK for your opinion? Jeez. Later that week, as I was eating a banana, she declared loudly that it was "black and gross and how could anyone eat a banana so overripe and disgusting" and I was even crankier, because I don't LIKE green bananas.
She was on a diet created by some guy called McDougal, and she seemed to think she was superior to everyone in that respect. After the cake incident, and then the banana incident, I'd had it with her unsolicited commentary. The third time she said something, I told her that I didn't care about her thoughts on my food choices, and that I would appreciate her keeping her comments to herself.

And amazingly, she did.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000


Ok, this is still fresh in my mind, so forgive me if this example is peppered with obscenities.

One day I wore orange pants to work. They weren't jeans, they weren't warm-up pants, they weren't sweatpants (all kinds of pants I cannot wear to work). They were simply pants that happened to be orange. The comments I got include, but are not limited to, the following: "What prison did you escape from?"; "Did you steal those from MC Hammer?"; "You are a very pretty girl, but those pants make you look like you weigh about 5,000 lbs."[not technically an attempt to be witty, but it was said twice and it pissed me off so much that I just included it in the list]; "Halloween was last week."; "Did the Great Pumpkin make a stop at your house last night? [whatever the hell that means], etc.

Lest you think I am overly-sensitive and cannot take a joke...I guess you will just have to take my word that I'm not and I do! But after 5 hours of unsolicited comments, I finally snapped at someone and said, "I don't want to hear ONE MORE FUCKING WORD ABOUT THESE PANTS!!" And that was pretty much the end of it.

P.S. I still wear my orange pants around the house. And I love them.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000


orange is a very tricky color to wear, so I am totally impressed whenever someone carries it off-- my best friend Kristi can. Our friend Aine had a pair of orange corduroy trousers. And just like you, Elena, whenever she wore them, she was showered with idiotic remarks. I have no patience for things like that. They are trousers, orange is a color, so WHAT?!!? WTF is your damage?!!?! *grumble*

This reminds me of a time in high school, 1982 or 83, when my always-ahead-of-the-trends best friend Holly wore a pair of plaid pants to school and caused this huge stir amongst the popular-crowd idiots. This girl Nicole B came up to Holly and said "Those pants are fucking UGLY!" Nicole was the kind of girl who indimidated most people (such as myself), and she was not expecting Holly's reply, which was a beautifully concise, "Fuck you," spoken lightly, with a shrug.

I think you should wear the orange pants whenever you want, Elena. Tell the plebeians to get back to you after they've completed a course in tactfulness. Fuckers.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000


Klee, thank you for your kind words! I don't know that I necessarily pulled off the color very well, but when I saw them initially on the rack I said to myself, "Damn, these should be in my life."

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000

Well, I don't know if this fits the bill perfectly as I don't believe the person was trying to be witty, but I'll share it anyway as it was the most recent thing of this type to happen to me.

I ran into an old friend from high school out Christmas shopping the other night. She asked me my news and I told her I was getting married and showed her the ring. "Huh," she said. "I always thought I'd get married before you. Guess I can tell you that now." ??? First of all, what is that supposed to mean, and secondly, why do you think you can tell me that *now*? Like if it's an insult I won't mind because I've got the ring on my finger? Grr.

I will also say that once I ordered a brownie at a coffee shop and a total stranger turned to me and said condescendingly, "Now, you don't need that brownie." Fucker. When I want to be insulted by the general public, I'll run for office or marry royalty, thank you very much. Until then, keep your remarks on my curves to yourself. I was too young and shy to say anything at the time, but later wished I'd at least mustered myself enough to say "Fuck you", the comment that at least tends to round off the discussion.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000



Let's just get this out of the way, I am not a small girl. I am a large girl. A big, strong, southern Alberta farm-girl. Ok? Ok. So when my son was about 2 weeks old and tiny, as new-borns generally are, we are at the laundry mat and this old fucker says, 'Huh. He must have just fallen out of you,' as he's eyeing my fabulous post-natal self. So I describe the 48 hours of labour and emergency surgery as painfully as I can until he leaves. Jackass.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000

before i tell this i atmit i am kinda fat ssssoooo what. this girl said i was fat and stupid. well in math class the teacher asked a realy hard ? and i was the only 1 who knew it

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000

When I taught college my daily attire was clean, pressed, new Levi's, black Roper style boots, a black belt with an Silver Dollar buckle, an Arrow dress shirt (different colors) and a tie. I had an 18-year- old female freshman, who was in my freshman comp class, write a letter to the Dean, to wit: "Please tell Mister Hargraves that cowboy boots and Levi's do not go with dress shirts and ties. Don't you have a dress code for professors? This guy is like Howdy Doody or something. Just trying to be helpful." Now, this little twit was from a wealthy family and her mother was a social gadfly dilettante who was always involved in one cause or another in order to get her picture in the paper (as long as the cause was fashionable and didn't require her to actually do something other than attend fund raisers and lucheons where she could show off her latest clothes). The Dean thought it was funny and so did I. The girl was a dip (a cute dip, but a dip) and pulled a low C in my class. Her mother called me one day and said, in a haughty tone of voice: "A C grade is not acceptable...that's average. There is nothing average about my child. I think this is more of a reflection on your teaching ability than anything. What are your thoughts on this matter?" To which I replied: "Your daughter is a D student in actuality, but I've given her a C- because I wish to appear fair and because she participates in class. The reason she's a D student is because she's pretentious and stupid and at this point, I've decided it's hereditary." The mother hung up on me and reported me to the Dean. We both agreed that revenge is often sweet when it's delayed. The girl transferred to a female professor's class who had less tolerance for this "type" than I did and promptly flunked her.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2000

I once shared cubical space with a woman who dressed to the nines every day - high heels, suits, manicured nails, hair in french roll (I'm sure she missed her calling to be a flight attendant). I, on the other hand, am low maintenance; my standard office wear is dress pants, oxford shoes and a blouse or sweater, I wear little or no makeup and tie my hair back. Well, one day my office-mate is describing a friend of hers to me and she says "she reminds me alot of you, you know, she doesn't really care about the way she looks". My eyes popped. Bitch.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2000

This is so rude, it is funny... I used to work with a friend who was, I swear, a Size 0. Anyway, they style at that time were those short, business-like, kinda mini-skirts (late 1908's)... nice, wool, but still quite brief. I decided to get this friend/office mate a really nice skirt... trudge to Nordstrom and spend about an hour looking at these skirts, not only to find one small enough, but also turning them inside out to see if the seams were such she could have it altered if necessary. Some big hair, vapid sales clerk girl kept watching me (never offering assistance) and, when I finally made my choice and took it to her at the counter, she looked at the skirt, looked at me (5'9", Size 12/14) and snorted, "My gawd. This will NEVER fit you!" I was shocked - I mean, it was obviously NOT for me (I could be a skeleton and this would not fit me), but I still stared at her and said, "Really? You don't think so? Not even if I really suck it in?" Bitch

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2000


Suck it in! I love it. Sales people who presume to just know you're shopping for yourself only, like really, I am going to wear that size 2 jeans and teeny bopper blouse in public. It might cover one boob and my left knee. If I suck it in.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2000

I have been engaged for about 2 years now.My little sister and her boyfriend are thinking about getting engaged.So anyway one day at a large family gathering we were sitting at the table and my lil sis says let me see your ring.So I gladly showed her and she grabbed my hand and shoved it in her boyfriends face and said "Just make sure you don't get me a tiny diamond like this".I was so mad I didnt speak to her the rest of the time we were there.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2000

Cypriots are an unashamedly honest people. If they see a zit on your chin they'll say "You've got a zit on your chin...", but the comments I get mostly are about my skinny frame, stuff like, "Don't you eat?" or "A girl should have some meat on her bones, you need to eat more." I used to ignore those sorts of comments but as I grew up and realised that everyone has their own weight issues, being rude is not an excuse. Now I just retort with "I don't talk about your weight, do not talk about mine." I realise that some people struggle all their lives with their weight, I'm one of them, and think it's bloody rude to mention it as if their opinion or advice would bring new light on the subject.

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000

Just today in the brake room a few of us were discussing the upcoming company Christmas party. One of my co-workers asks if we are going to dress up or go casual. I replied that I wouldn't mind dressing up and in fact probably would. Hell, I've got perfectly good ties rotting in my closet as we speak. The conversation turned to how the world has changed and the excuses for dressing up have become fewer and farther between. In rapid succession this jerk who was not even part of the conversation in the first place pipes up with two comments that were of the rude-but-trying-to-make-a-witty-joke variety.

First he says, "Didn't you dress up on Sunday?" On the surface not a rude comment except that he knows I do not attend church as we have discussed this before. I reminded him of this fact and he gives me at tight smug smile in response. I refrained from grabbing him by the collar and telling him, “I do not want for spiritual fulfillment simply because I don't frequent church or follow a religion I barely comprehend unlike someone else who’s collar I have hold of.” As I said, he and I had discussed our religious beliefs before and he was of that variety, I assure you. I have no problem with churchgoers but I do hate people who are on 'auto-worship' and give nothing but a passing nod to the underlying philosophy of their respect religions.

Anyway, I move on and continue the conversation with others by saying, “Heck, I don’t even own a jacket anymore. I grew out of the last one I had and gave it away.” Asshole pipes up with, “They’re having a special at 24 hour Nautilus. Har har har.” I am not thin by any means by the by. I informed hypocritical churchgoer that the jacket I was referring to was one I had when I was a teen. Meanwhile my other coworkers are staring at this guy wide eyed. I guess they have never run into someone who thought that the weight of others was an appropriate target of wit. I, unfortunately, can not claim the same. Seems I am a magnet for them.

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000


Travis, I once worked with a man who described a coworker by saying, "The nicest thing I can say about her is that she goes to church every week. It is too bad that when she goes to church she doesn't listen to a word the minister has to say."

The town I live in is full of those people. I know what you are talking about and would also love to grab a bunch of them by the collar.

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000



The collar? I say go straight for "snatching them bald-headed" (which is something that polite Southern ladies often talk about doing but don't actually put into practice until they have children). *rubs head*

Actually, rudeness down South is an art form. Properly done, the chastized party / victim of boorish rudeness only notices the bleeding wound long after the verbal offender has moved out of range.

Weapon #1: Pretending to have concern for the victim's welfare.
Gee, Missy Lou, are you not feeling well? *cluck cluck cluck* Well, you ar ejust a little paler than usual...oh, I'm sure it is nothing if you FEEL fine, dear..."
Weapon #2: Chastizing an absent friend (who may or may not exist) who happens to have the same flaws as the person you wish to insult.
"I can't believe that Bobbie is still wearing her maternity tops. She had her baby right after yours, didn't she? Anyway, how tacky. *pause* Where did you find that INTERESTING top you have on? IS it a new style?"
Weapon #3: Bringing Jesus into it. Anyone you dislike, sic Jesus on them. Either they're making the baby Jesus cryu because they are so evil, or they are godless heavens that will go to hell. There is no use is pointing out to them that even though you aren't, say, a snakehandler like themselves, your religion or spirituality is equally valid.
Weapon #4: Using Code Words. This is also popular in creative circles. Sample Code Words include: interesting, unique, clever, innovative, enthusiastic, nice, pleasant.
"I just loved seeing your child perform with my Junior in the school play. I think that her unique interpretation of The Littlest Elf's lines was certainly interesting. She was so enthusiastic. I thought it was really nice." (Translation: I hate you, I hate your child, my kid should have been The Littlest Elf, and I'd love to say it sucked but we belong to the same Bridge Club, so I'll stick with "interesting" et al...)
Weapon #5: Asking the victim's opinion about someone else in an attempt to get them to have an epiphany about their personal habits you disapprove of.
"Tiffany needs to lay off the bon-bons, she's getting a little broad in the bottom, wouldn't you say? But ladie sof a certain age DO have a tendency to have weight problems if they don't eat right. You know how it is." (Not-so-subtly removes box of chocolates you were heretofore enjoying.)

There's more, but Ihaven't mastered the translations perfectly yet. I'm still naive enough to be surprised when someone has the cohones to try and run my life for me in any fashion. But if you want rudeness and practice in how to deflect it, come down South. Wear white shoes in October and mix silver and gold jewelry together and then go out to eat lunch in a restaurant (preferably one with cloth napkins) and sit back and enjoy the stir you will cause. It's entertainment for free. Bubba, if you showed up in a bolo tie, they'd just faint.

The irony is, this is not true Southern gentility at all. But there are so many folks down here who mistake rudeness for social grace and style... *sigh*

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000


Groo. I must have forgotten to close an italic tag. My bad. Sorry, Gwen.

-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000

Milla, I love you. If I wasn't a happily married man, I'd track you down. I thought I was the only one who said things like "snake handlers" and "cojones" in general conversation. Regretfully, I don't own a bolo tie. (Although I did once have a sorta bolo thing for my Boy Scout scarve.) You are too right about Southern "politeness." Like the Tuna, Texas skit with two old church ladies and one says: "My, what a lovely dress. I used to have one just like it...ten years ago." The sly innuendo or the silken dagger is true Southern.

-- Anonymous, December 12, 2000

Ha! "Cojones." I use that, often as in "he hasn't got the cojones rancheros to say that to my face." And the last bolo tie I had used the head of the central figure from "The Scream" as the catch. That was definitely a special occasion tie, to say the least. :-)

Actually, I've been avoiding this question, since I think maybe I've been rude more often than I've been on the receiving end... not that I can think of any examples either way...

-- Anonymous, December 12, 2000


D'oh! I forgot to close my italics AND, despite knowing better, I spelled 'cojones' wrong. Damn. Batting a thousand, wasn't I? *laughs*

"Silken dagger"--too true. Too true.

-- Anonymous, December 13, 2000


How about huevos, Paul? Another Tex-Mex slang term for, uh, I think the proper medical term is "jingle-bollacks." Is that right, fruitbat?

-- Anonymous, December 13, 2000

"Jingle oysters"?

-- Anonymous, December 13, 2000

millie what are you tlaking about???? you lost me

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000

How about huevos, Bubba? It's "cojones rancheros" on purpose.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000

Although "jingle oysters" should be good for a few laughs.

Oh, and Bubba, a former girlfriend of mine from Texas used to corrupt "huevos" to "wibbles," which we could say a lot easier in public. :-)

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000


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