I just turned down an extremely lucrative short-term job because I would have had to work when my fiance was visiting over Christmas. I felt that spending the time with him was more important than money, even if that made me very broke. However, I know that if the rest of my family found out I'd done that, I would be barraged with calls telling me what a fool I am. How far are you willing to go in such situations? Are there areas in your life, either work or family oriented, that you won't see messed with?

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2000

Answers

I agree with your decision not to take the job. I mean, he's your fiance, you probably don't get to see him nearly enough as it is, and it's Christmas, for cryin' out loud. There will be other lucrative jobs, but there's only one Christmas holiday this year.

As much as I like money, I really drive for balance, my quality of life means the most to me. If I'm faced with a work-family conflict, my job never takes priority over my wife and my pets. I am careful and work hard to try to never get into a situation where I'd have to choose between work and family. Even when such situations arise I can usually find some way for everyone to win. If my job ever starts to push my home life to the margins, then it's time to find a new job.

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2000

When my best friend was sick, I took a low key job so I could a) spend a lot of time with her while she was in the hospital and b) not add to the stress that I was already feeling. I knew that I'd get a better job at another point, and I also knew that I would not get another chance to spend as much time with her. I didn't make much money that year, and that didn't bother me at all. Do not feel bad (and don't let other people make you feel bad!) for making your own choices about what is important to you.

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2000

Though I'm going to sound like a hallmark card, when love is your priority you know you are making the right choices. I followed my heart to leave my job and move across the country to be with my soulmate, and it was the best thing I ever have done. As long as I remember that he is my priority in life, I know that I'm grounded and thinking correctly. And as long as I know that I am the priority in his life, I know that everything will be fine.

It sounds like love to me, and I believe there is nothing in the world more important than true love (too much Princess Bride during the impressionable years? maybe so...).

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2000

Hey, I'm an old guy and I'll tell you from my perspective:

This is a no brainer. You can live without money. It's tough, but it can be done.

Without someone to love you, you die.

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2000

No contest...you can always make more money, but time with people we love is always in short supply.

I had a part time job when lived in Texas that helped us out a lot. This past summer we moved to Virginia and are now within driving distance of a ton of relatives. We decided I would not work so that I could take off early with my son on weekends to go visit family every other weekend(my husband comes up on the train and drives home with us on Sunday).

Sometimes I miss that extra income but then I think about my Grandmother reading a book to my son, her great-grandson, and how that chance may never come again. Or I think about my son running around like a wild man at the park with his cousins and how those relationships will last long after I'm gone.

Time spent with those we love is the best investment we can make, I really believe that.

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2000

I left my dream job at a major Canadian daily (photographer) to stay home and take care of my son who had several serious delays and no diagnosis. (Where did that doctors suck thread go?) It's now being called an autistic disorder, and my days are filled with pediatricians, speech paths, psychologists, phone-calls, appointments, arguments, volunteering, play-dates, his resource worker, ad nauseum. When anyone asks, I tell them I'm a volunteer child advocate, because, fuck, no-one else is going to do this, the system sucks and doctors don't listen and blah, blah, blah. I need to help my kid, whichever way I can. It's exausting. I cry a lot and am frustrated all the time. But my kid needs help, and I'm going to find it for him. Our finances have taken a major beating as well. I have huge student loans and a mortgage and, well, living to do. But what is money compared to getting my boy to speech path and helping him learn to talk?

Don't go thinkin' I'm all about altruism, that this labour of love sustains me. I have major difficulties, emotionally and mentally, sometimes about not working and struggle mightily with being back on the prairie, in my little house and only seeing these four walls and medical professionals all week. It wasn't too long ago I was big-city photo girl at embassy parties. And then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself and depressed about not reaching 'my full potential' as a professional. (Does that make sense?) I had to make a choice, him or me, and I think most mommies would make the same decision.

So yeah, ditch the high-paying gig. It's only loot, after all.

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2000

Um, what deb said. All of it. She's my twin.

(And just think, deb, in a year or two when the kiddo's turned his corner and doesn't need you so much anymore --which I have NO DOUBT will happen-- you'll get to go through what I'm going through now- the crisis of re-entering the workforce! Yay, self-doubt, second- guessing and fear, oh my!)

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2000

I obviously asked this question of people with their priorities straight. :)

-- Anonymous, December 02, 2000

And obviously I'm going to tell you to ditch the job too, since I fully expect to spend some time with you when I fly up for Christmas. But even if it wasn't me, I would still tell you the same. Money isn't everything. :)

~the fiance

-- Anonymous, December 02, 2000

I learned through unexpected losses to *never* take any one for granted. I feel it is so important that you tell and show people how important they are in your life. Um, not that I expect your plane to fall out of the sky or anything James :) Have a great visit you two!!!!

-- Anonymous, December 02, 2000

Oh, well, if I'd known it was that James guy, my answer would have been totally different.....;-)

Luchina, you're wretched, you heartless wench!....."In your future, it will suck MORE...." (I'm going to marry Luchina. I surely am.)

-- Anonymous, December 02, 2000

I take crap from my husband all the time about this. I volunteer a lot of time and effort I could be using to make money (i.e. teaching for my clubs instead for cash, taking jobs with less responsibility, etc.). It's always a tradeoff between flexibility/time and money. Always.

And heck, we'd just waste the extra money, but I enjoy the freedom of time.

-- Anonymous, December 04, 2000

OH MY GOD! GO FOR THE MONEY! :D ...just kidding of course!

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2000

luchiania i thot you were all ready marryed???? how can debbie marry you?

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2000