Dr Seuss on recounts

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DR. SEUSS takes a look at election officials > > I cannot count them in a box > I cannot count them with a fox > I cannot count them by computer > I will not with a Roto-Rooter > I cannot count them card-by-card > I will not 'cause it's way too hard > I cannot count them on my fingers, > I will not while suspicion lingers. > I'll leave the country in a jam¯ > I can't count ballots, Sam-I-Am. > ---------------

BTW, did anyone see Letterman's side-splitting montage of Al Gore's speech this week in which he edited together all the times that Al mentioned the words "count" and "vote". Letterman has been very fair in his ridicule of both candidates but this bit was especially brilliant.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), November 30, 2000

Answers

And, apropos to nothing, there is this wee vignette--

____________________________________________ An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God- given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in- law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her." ~~~~~

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), November 30, 2000.


"HOW THE GRINCH STOLE THE ELECTION"

Every Who down in Whoville liked to vote in a booth
But the Grinch down in Texas was afraid of the truth
So he called brother Jeb, who just happened to be
The ruler of Whoville, what a Grinch family!

Brother Jeb ruled Whoville with a heavy iron mallet
And so he came forth with a butterfly ballot
When election day came all the Whos heard the news
And they all came out to make the Grinch lose

But when the Whos tried to choose they became so confused
Some Who's voted for ones, some Who's voted twos!
Some Who's got excited, some Who's got quite mad
Because all their Who punches left just hanging chad

Now all the Whos hollered, "Oh, won't someone spare us?"
And thats when the Grinch sent in Katharine Harris
"You Whos cannot choose and I won't give an inch"
"And that's why you lose, the winner's the Grinch!"

Then the Grinch called the Grinchess Katharine Harris
And said "You'll be my Ambassador to Paris!"
But the Whos would not lose, the Whos held the fort
They said "Hold it, Grinch! Meet the Supreme Court!"

And the Supreme Court said, "Ms. Harris, you're bad"
So pucker up and kiss my big dimpled chad!"
Now the Grinch became flummoxed by all of those Whos,
He stewed in his juices, went back on the booze
He cried for his daddy, who had the connections
And they called in Grinch Baker to steal the election

He huffled and puffled and blew out hot air
Then accused the poor Whos of not playing fair
They foamed at the mouth, sued the Whos with minutae
In Palm Beach, in Broward, and even Volusia

The Grinch made such a stink with his case in the news
He stole the election, said "Pooh, Pooh" to the Whos
And then all of Whoville was drenched by the stench
Which everyone knew, came from George W. Grinch!

with apoligies to Dr. Seuss

-- spider (spider0@usa.net), November 30, 2000.


Lars, it was extremely funny. He had clips of Gore speaking the words vote and count with tickers underneath. The "counts" went up with each utterance of the words. I believe the totals got up around 20 something for each word. Then he expounded on the reason he had 12 flags behind him on stage. Too funny, ending with Cheney's 18 (?) flags during one of his speeches.

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), November 30, 2000.

Maria,

Yes, I had tears. I liked the way it kept running faster and faster. He has done it two nites in a row. Wonder if he will go for three.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), November 30, 2000.


Ah Spidey,

You Left wing nut! You got the name wrong on the grinch, just like youre prediction on y2k was wrong!

*Gore* is the grinch trying to steal the election....

Amused Regards,

-- Andy Ray (andyman633@hotmail.com), November 30, 2000.



Hi Andy,

just like youre prediction on y2k was wrong!

What prediction was that? I don't remember posting
any predictions on Y2K. Maybe you could dig that
one up and post it.

*Gore* is the grinch trying to steal the election

I have no argument with that, I was just trying
to balance the 'meme' [my apologies for using
your term] that Bush is some kind of hero. Both
parties have a strong machine to corrupt the
democratic process. The felony fraud in Seminole
county will probably turn against Bush in the final
analysis. The reason that Gore hasn't pushed the
fraud gambit is that there is "honor amongst theives".
If you don't point out my fraud, I won't point out
yours.

Thanks for your comments :-§

-- spider (spider0@usa.net), November 30, 2000.


I read this thread to Wally and the Beav before they went to bed, they laughed and giggled and fell right to sleep.

-- Mrs. Cleaver (Mrs. Cleaver@LITBBB.xcom), November 30, 2000.

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