1. If only we had beaten sh@te teams like Charlton, Southampton, Everton and Sunderland, we would only be two points behind the leaders right now.

2. If only YBR goes on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' then maybe with the help of lifelines, he can finally get Kieron Dyer's name right.

3. If only Ali Baba and his Forty Thieves would teach our players the words 'Open Sesame', then maybe we would finally learn how to open up the invisible wall of the opposition's goal.

4. If only Mackem fans were as gracious, sporting and fair like us, then maybe we won't have to have so many zoos in this world.

5. If only we had Anthony Edwards from the tv show 'ER' on our medical staff, then maybe our players will be injury free every week.

6. ......

Over to you guys.....

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000